One Year with the Drummer

Since my last series of postings (not the ones that I'm putting up now), I celebrated one year with the drummer.

July 11, 2011

That's when I met him.  That's when I made the steaks.  That's when I had him over.  It's all well documented on this blog.

And now we have been together for one year.  What does that mean?

It signifies a year of change.  I look back and think about the person I was when I met him.  I had eight months free of a relationship.  I had started doing the heavy work on myself when he came into my life.  He didn't change me.  But because I was changing, he was able to come in.  It's great.  I have a life I really enjoy.

I have put on some happy weight, which I'm not psyched about.  But it's better happy with ten extra pounds than miserable with a six pack.  I have a partner.  I have someone I respect.  I have sexiness.  I added "hotness" to my list and I got hotness.  That is also well documented on this blog.  I have to look back at what I was looking for.  Hold on.  I'll be right back.

I'm back.  This is the post from 12/5/10:

My friend Susan and I have started running again. We used to run every Saturday for over a year. Then we stopped, probably something to do with my relationship.

But now every Sunday, I drive to Santa Monica and we run along the beach.

So our normal Bagel Nosh was totally slammed this morning. So we went to Snug Harbor for a little breakfast. And when we were having coffee, waiting for our food to come, a group of attractive guys walk in with a female friend of theirs. I didn't think anything of it, cute. whatever.

Then Susan tells me that one of the guys is checking me out. I'm in complete disbelief.

"Which one?" I ask.

"The one who walked in first."

I turn around and see this stunning guy. He's probably around 6'2", in shape, blue eyes, brown hair. Straight acting.

I turn back around. "That guy? Are you sure he wasn't looking at YOU?"

She was sure.

"Suze, let me tell yous something. Guys like that don't want guys like me. They want the washboard abs. The big pecs. Listen, I'll be totally honest about myself. I give good face. I'm in shape, but I'm not ripped. That guy wants ripped. I can let one rip. But I'm not ripped."

She laughs.

"See, I'm funny. And quick witted and clever. But that guy wants the washboard."

"He just looked again. He keeps looking over here."

To be honest, I didn't believe her. I thought that this adorable guy who looks a little like Jake Gyllenhall wasn't going for little ol mixed race me. And where did I get this terrible self-esteem? I grew up in LA and I knew that LA guys liked the body. Even the fat ones think they deserve to date the body. That's why they make a lot of money and become really successful. That's the other reason. The main reason is that they like to eat. And then they spend money on guys. Either purchasing or winning their affections. In NYC, guys loved my mind.

I didn't even think I'd meet anyone out here when I moved back to LA. I figured I'd get my career going and move back to New York and meet a real guy. And then I met my ex and he changed all of that. But even my ex didn't have the perfect body. I always said that didn't matter to me. That it's about the intellect and the ambition and the humor and the background. I had all of that with my ex. I had the Catholic thing. I had bigger than life personality and the excitement. That's until the excitement got too exciting.

So later I'm talking to Susan and her husband about this whole scenario. And her husband asked me what I valued in a relationship. I gave him my list: brains, wit, sarcasm, emotionally available, caring, fun. The same things I've always valued. And everything I got with my ex. But I always felt like I settled for guys who were handsome to me. But I'd never think of dating a person who was hot. And it's not that I want to give up everything else just to date a hot dude. I don't want a narcissist. But someone who values themselves enough to take care of themselves. I think THAT'S about character. But I want everything else too. I'm just adding hotness to the list.
So what happened to the guy? He drove away in his black Prius with his friends. But I do know now that, according to Susan:

"That guy is exactly the caliber of guy that you could get."

So that's what I get for adding hotness to the list.  I have it with the drummer: brains, wit, sarcasm, emotionally available, caring and fun.  He watches MSNBC all the time (brains).  He's funny (wit) and he likes to bust my balls (sarcasm) playfully.  He tells me he loves me all of the time and we talk about our feelings and he cares and the sex is amazing (emotionally available).  He's got a big heart and one that he wears on his sleeve (caring).  And we go do fun things together like going to the mountains or hearing bands play or going on long drives (fun).  And he's got the most amazing blue eyes and the best chest in town.  He's just awesome.  And I think a lot of people want to fuck him. 

So that's nice too.