So Halloween happened. I had so much anticipation for it. But The Drummer and I dressed up as a Cowboy and Indian, along with my best friend Steve, who was also an Indian.
After everything that went through my mind the day before, I had let everything go. I was ready to have a wonderful night, without commemorating anything that happened last year. I wanted to have a good time, but the specter of gloom that had hung over my Halloween the previous year was gone. I had let him go listening to "If I was Your Woman" by Gladys Knight in The Drummer's car the night before.
So Halloween was just about joy. We got to Steve and Vic's house and had some drinks. Steve put me to work and had me make the fringe for my booty shorts that I would be wearing. And I had to do the fringe on my tank top. We had bought our headdresses a couple of nights before and we were ready to jam.
We got dressed and out the door. When we got to West Hollywood, Vic had dropped us off on our old street. Steve, Vic and I were neighbors together in West Hollywood. So they saw everything that happened with me and my ex. They saw what I endured and sometimes heard a lot more than I wanted them to. So the three of us--Steve, The Drummer and myself--walked down the street up to Santa Monica Boulevard. But on the way, we passed Steve's old place. And then my old place, where my Ex still lives. I heard my dogs bark. Maybe they knew it was me, maybe they didn't. But I kept moving, like I had 365 days prior. And then it was done.
We got to the boulevard and it was madness and mayhem. We posed with a bunch of other cowboys and indians. We laughed at some of the crazy costumes and then we made our way to our friend Linda's party that she was hosting at a nearby bar. Well...nearby is a relative term because it probably took us an hour to walk there in what would normally take 15 minutes. So we walked and got to the party.
Our friend DJ Ivy was DJing and we went and got drinks. I smiled because I was having a great time with the Drummer and with my friend Steve. We had gone to the bar to get another round of drinks and Steve surprised us with shots. Steve said, "I love you" to me. And I said, "I love you" back.
And then I turned to The Drummer and said, "I love you." Uh...oops? Wait, did I just tell The Drummer that I loved him? Shit! I was going to save that for 11/11/11 because 11 is his lucky number and it's the date of our fourth month anniversary. Crap! But instead of saying all of that, I just downed my shot.
And then I smiled at him and said over all of the loud music, "I just told you I love you."
And he turned to me and said, "I love you." He had been waiting to say it. And I had been waiting to say it too. We both had known it for a while, but it wasn't until that moment when my guard was down that I just let it out.
And I was so glad because I love him. I didn't intend it to be on Halloween. But because I had already let go of the significance I had given that day, it was okay. That day was the day we told each other that we loved each other and that's all it would ever be.
