So I probably shouldn't have had those drinks a couple of weeks ago. And I probably shouldn't have scheduled my cleanse during travel time. But my cleanse was officially over last Friday, although I did totally avoid fast food on my drive up to San Jose. But it was just too much fun to see friends, students, and colleagues...and I couldn't really limited myself to good times. I didn't go crazy, but I did have cocktails and I started eating meat and some dairy again.
But this brings me to another point, that Bethenny Frankel made about cleanses once. Just doing my psyllium husk and detox tea is a cleanse. Avoiding certain foods is a cleanse. Going to the gym and sweating toxins out and also going to the spa is a cleanse. You find ways to cleanse yourself every day. But what this partial cleanse motivated me to do is to find ways to cut or limit my intake of certain things so that I am not depriving myself, but so that I'm not overindulging either.
It's having that awareness of what you are and aren't eating. It's being aware of your behavior and not being mindless or thoughtless about it.
Right now I'm staying off the red meat. I'm reintroducing chicken into my diet. I'm not totally sold on overdoing the soy. I like beans and legumes as protein. And I really want to keep off the processed foods as much as possible. I think that is very important. I think if I can watch my drinking, which means I'm watching my cigarette smoking (still social) then I'm in a good place as well. Introduce as few as possible toxins into the body. I think that's a big one.
So I'm going to live a much more balanced life in terms of diet and exercise. I need to start my yoga again and I need to figure out exercises that really work for me. I want to lose weight and tone. That's very important to me.
So this cleanse did do something. It helped me focus on my lifestyle and not a brief respite from it.
Success!
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Cleanse 2012: Day Nine
I had a crazy night time craving for anything. Sweets. Bad stuff.
This is the point in the cleanse where that sort of stuff comes up for me. It's about half way through and I realize what I've given up. And then I start to want things. I went to bed hungry.
I had two meetings today that got cancelled and I got kind of sad about that. I should have taken advantage of the time to get more work done. But I didn't. I sat and watched TV. It's not good to be so close to a television. I think the Drummer thinks that's all I do. And then I got critical about what he was doing. He's got a music conference that he's going to and I started harping on what he was doing to make sure he ran into people he needed to run into.
Yeah, I need to mind my own business and focus on myself. He's an adult. He can take care of that for himself.
I'm gassy. The energy is good, but I was a little off. Eating well. Had fish and couscous last night. Need to start yoga soon.
Watched GLEE and cried. Day Nine.
This is the point in the cleanse where that sort of stuff comes up for me. It's about half way through and I realize what I've given up. And then I start to want things. I went to bed hungry.
I had two meetings today that got cancelled and I got kind of sad about that. I should have taken advantage of the time to get more work done. But I didn't. I sat and watched TV. It's not good to be so close to a television. I think the Drummer thinks that's all I do. And then I got critical about what he was doing. He's got a music conference that he's going to and I started harping on what he was doing to make sure he ran into people he needed to run into.
Yeah, I need to mind my own business and focus on myself. He's an adult. He can take care of that for himself.
I'm gassy. The energy is good, but I was a little off. Eating well. Had fish and couscous last night. Need to start yoga soon.
Watched GLEE and cried. Day Nine.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Cleanse 2012: Day Eight
Day Eight!
I took my psyllium husk powder in the morning, hoping that I could cleanse all of the damage I had done over the weekend. It's not like I got CRAZY, CRAZY. But I got crazy enough.
Then I ate some steel cut oatmeal with dried cherries and almonds.
I worked out, sweated hard, had a jamba juice that had no sugar in it.
I made dinner for the Drummer: quinoa with veggies, tomato salad and roasted cauliflower.
Then we went to the spa and sweated more. Detoxing!
And I feel much lighter. Whoo hoo!
I took my psyllium husk powder in the morning, hoping that I could cleanse all of the damage I had done over the weekend. It's not like I got CRAZY, CRAZY. But I got crazy enough.
Then I ate some steel cut oatmeal with dried cherries and almonds.
I worked out, sweated hard, had a jamba juice that had no sugar in it.
I made dinner for the Drummer: quinoa with veggies, tomato salad and roasted cauliflower.
Then we went to the spa and sweated more. Detoxing!
And I feel much lighter. Whoo hoo!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Cleanse 2012: Day Seven
So it's the end of the first week of the cleanse. My last day to have chicken, soy, sugar, wheat, and anything fried before I have to give them up for week two. But thank God I still get seafood for one more week.
Today was good in terms of the cleanse. I woke up and went to two farmer's markets to get some veggies and herbs. I actually should probably do a roasted carrots and beet thing this week. I love roasted veggies.
Then I went to the gym. I sweated a lot. But ran into my friend Nicole and got interrupted, so I'll go back to the gym tomorrow.
I did check my weight and I lost three pounds. I'm out of the 180s, which is a good thing. That's just too big for me. I do feel lighter. I can tell when my body is just more bloated.
I had the whole day to myself and I watched the Golden Globes. The Drummer was at a show and watched the Packers game on DVR. I cleaned the place up a bit. Domestic.
I don't know how comfortable I am with that. I kind of felt like I cleaned the place up for "my man." And that felt a little subservient to me. I could kind of say "get over it", but that's how I felt.
This relationship is still an adjustment on a lot of ways. I'm hyper aware of making the same mistakes I made with the Ex. He's not like the ex in so many ways, but I think that's still part of my healing that needs to happen. I think I should have spent more time running errands instead of just staying home and watching the Globes. But that's on me. That's not part of his deal at all. It just felt like I fell back on familiar patterns in a way.
I ran his damaged cell phone to the UPS and I texted him that I had done it. I had to deposit a check for him this weekend, while he was out of town. It felt all a bit wife-ish and not in a comfortable way. I didn't mind doing any of that and it's not like he expects me to do that stuff. But it's also a different angle for me--that I don't take pride in doing that sort of stuff for my guy. I don't mind it, but it no longer defines me as a supportive partner that I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, took out the trash, dropped off his phone, deposited his check and got receipts for everything.
Okay, maybe it bothers me a bit.
But I'm here to cleanse. So I need to get those toxins out as well.
At the end of this first week of cleansing, I rebelled. But I also realize that I need to have a better game plan so I don't fall off the wagon. And I need to have a schedule for myself that's separate from what the boyfriend is doing. Also, it doesn't need to work around his schedule ahead of working for my own schedule. I can make a plan and let the boyfriend know about it and have him work around me. Or at least have a discussion and compromise. That wouldn't be a bad thing either.
See? I am making some changes in the way I think.
Today was good in terms of the cleanse. I woke up and went to two farmer's markets to get some veggies and herbs. I actually should probably do a roasted carrots and beet thing this week. I love roasted veggies.
Then I went to the gym. I sweated a lot. But ran into my friend Nicole and got interrupted, so I'll go back to the gym tomorrow.
I did check my weight and I lost three pounds. I'm out of the 180s, which is a good thing. That's just too big for me. I do feel lighter. I can tell when my body is just more bloated.
I had the whole day to myself and I watched the Golden Globes. The Drummer was at a show and watched the Packers game on DVR. I cleaned the place up a bit. Domestic.
I don't know how comfortable I am with that. I kind of felt like I cleaned the place up for "my man." And that felt a little subservient to me. I could kind of say "get over it", but that's how I felt.
This relationship is still an adjustment on a lot of ways. I'm hyper aware of making the same mistakes I made with the Ex. He's not like the ex in so many ways, but I think that's still part of my healing that needs to happen. I think I should have spent more time running errands instead of just staying home and watching the Globes. But that's on me. That's not part of his deal at all. It just felt like I fell back on familiar patterns in a way.
I ran his damaged cell phone to the UPS and I texted him that I had done it. I had to deposit a check for him this weekend, while he was out of town. It felt all a bit wife-ish and not in a comfortable way. I didn't mind doing any of that and it's not like he expects me to do that stuff. But it's also a different angle for me--that I don't take pride in doing that sort of stuff for my guy. I don't mind it, but it no longer defines me as a supportive partner that I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, took out the trash, dropped off his phone, deposited his check and got receipts for everything.
Okay, maybe it bothers me a bit.
But I'm here to cleanse. So I need to get those toxins out as well.
At the end of this first week of cleansing, I rebelled. But I also realize that I need to have a better game plan so I don't fall off the wagon. And I need to have a schedule for myself that's separate from what the boyfriend is doing. Also, it doesn't need to work around his schedule ahead of working for my own schedule. I can make a plan and let the boyfriend know about it and have him work around me. Or at least have a discussion and compromise. That wouldn't be a bad thing either.
See? I am making some changes in the way I think.
Cleanse 2012: Day Six
SO I woke up at 10 AM after going to bed at 5 AM.
Then I drank a ton of water and took my psyllium husk powder trying to cleanse myself.
In vain.
Ugh. My body was messed up from the crazy night I had out with my friends.
I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed and showered and headed shopping.
I got Vic's belated Christmas gift, a new sweater and some workout gear.
Then I headed to my parents' house to see my Mom and take her out for a belated birthday lunch. I had a glass of wine. Then we went to see my friends Tracy and Marty at their house boat. Then I had two glasses of champagne.
It's easy to really fall off the wagon when you're hung over.
So to compensate, I spent three hours at the Korean spa trying to detox the hell out of myself.
Tomorrow is Day Seven. I'm getting back on the train after getting a good night's sleep.
I don't consider this a failure. I"m still detoxing myself. I'm cutting out plenty of things from my diet. But I need to get it together for the rest of this cleanse.
Then I drank a ton of water and took my psyllium husk powder trying to cleanse myself.
In vain.
Ugh. My body was messed up from the crazy night I had out with my friends.
I dragged myself out of bed, got dressed and showered and headed shopping.
I got Vic's belated Christmas gift, a new sweater and some workout gear.
Then I headed to my parents' house to see my Mom and take her out for a belated birthday lunch. I had a glass of wine. Then we went to see my friends Tracy and Marty at their house boat. Then I had two glasses of champagne.
It's easy to really fall off the wagon when you're hung over.
So to compensate, I spent three hours at the Korean spa trying to detox the hell out of myself.
Tomorrow is Day Seven. I'm getting back on the train after getting a good night's sleep.
I don't consider this a failure. I"m still detoxing myself. I'm cutting out plenty of things from my diet. But I need to get it together for the rest of this cleanse.
Cleanse 2012: Day Five
The day I broke my cleanse. I was doing really well. I worked out with The Drummer. He went off to his classes and his gig out of town.
Then I went over to my best friend Victor and Steve's house. Vic just found out he has prostate cancer and he pulled the cancer card.
"You have to drink with us. I have cancer."
So it went from vodka and soda at their house to martinis at dinner and more cocktails as we danced the night away at lots o' lesbos at Truck Stop. Our friend Halle was djing and we proceeded to go out to Micky's and danced until 4 AM. I went to bed at 5 AM.
I definitely did not adhere to my cleanse. I blew it out.
Then I went over to my best friend Victor and Steve's house. Vic just found out he has prostate cancer and he pulled the cancer card.
"You have to drink with us. I have cancer."
So it went from vodka and soda at their house to martinis at dinner and more cocktails as we danced the night away at lots o' lesbos at Truck Stop. Our friend Halle was djing and we proceeded to go out to Micky's and danced until 4 AM. I went to bed at 5 AM.
I definitely did not adhere to my cleanse. I blew it out.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Cleanse 2012: Day Four
Yeah...I'm a bit bored. I think I need to be doing more to push myself in this cleanse. I definitely think I need more exercise. I just don't feel very motivated. What I need to do is create a real schedule for myself.
This cleanse is going well. I realized that between travelling back and forth, being in a new relationship and the holidays...I've packed on ten pounds in the past 3 months. I'm not happy with the way I look right now. Fortunately, I am exercising four days a week and really trying to do something about it. But just like my life for the past three or four months, I haven't been in the competitive spirit. I've been living life as a college professor, which has been amazing and enlightening.
But, as I've said in the past, this is showbiz. Get to the gym! Put down the chips! And get down to fighting weight!
What I have done with the teaching and being with the boyfriend has really nourished my soul and has put me in a great frame of mind. I know what's important to me and I have a clearer vision of how I want to live my life. I have done away with old ways of thinking. As the tarot said, "the serpent has outlived his purpose." I have done a lot of work on myself and will continue to do more. However, once again:
THIS IS SHOWBIZ. It's not show friends, it's show business. Fo 'sho!
I need to do what it takes to get what I want in life. I want a real career. I want happiness with someone who I love and support and who does that same thing for me. I don't have time for someone who doesn't have the capacity to give me the support I need. And no one should put up with me if I can't do that for them. That's the real priority. With support and love in my life, I can soar. And when I give that to my boyfriend, he should be able to soar as well.
So with this readjustment, or recallabration, I should be able to achieve what I want to achieve. I want a happy, successful, collaborative creative life where I go back and forth between theatre work and television and film work. Both should be satisfying and reinvigorating. I want my outer appearance to reflect the discipline and confidence I have. I want my body to be healthy inside and out. If I concentrate on what I put in my body, I will have great results. I also have to focus on the information I take in. The literature I read. The ways I spend my time. None of it should be full of empty calories, just like none of the foods I put in my mouth should represent empty calories. It is all fuel...for the mind, body, soul, spirit and attitude.
Everytime I go to the bathroom I see the toxins leaving my body. That is the image I have with the areas in my life that need cleansing. I have to look at the shit, take a good long look at it, and let it go. The serpent has outlived its usefulness.
This cleanse is going well. I realized that between travelling back and forth, being in a new relationship and the holidays...I've packed on ten pounds in the past 3 months. I'm not happy with the way I look right now. Fortunately, I am exercising four days a week and really trying to do something about it. But just like my life for the past three or four months, I haven't been in the competitive spirit. I've been living life as a college professor, which has been amazing and enlightening.
But, as I've said in the past, this is showbiz. Get to the gym! Put down the chips! And get down to fighting weight!
What I have done with the teaching and being with the boyfriend has really nourished my soul and has put me in a great frame of mind. I know what's important to me and I have a clearer vision of how I want to live my life. I have done away with old ways of thinking. As the tarot said, "the serpent has outlived his purpose." I have done a lot of work on myself and will continue to do more. However, once again:
THIS IS SHOWBIZ. It's not show friends, it's show business. Fo 'sho!
I need to do what it takes to get what I want in life. I want a real career. I want happiness with someone who I love and support and who does that same thing for me. I don't have time for someone who doesn't have the capacity to give me the support I need. And no one should put up with me if I can't do that for them. That's the real priority. With support and love in my life, I can soar. And when I give that to my boyfriend, he should be able to soar as well.
So with this readjustment, or recallabration, I should be able to achieve what I want to achieve. I want a happy, successful, collaborative creative life where I go back and forth between theatre work and television and film work. Both should be satisfying and reinvigorating. I want my outer appearance to reflect the discipline and confidence I have. I want my body to be healthy inside and out. If I concentrate on what I put in my body, I will have great results. I also have to focus on the information I take in. The literature I read. The ways I spend my time. None of it should be full of empty calories, just like none of the foods I put in my mouth should represent empty calories. It is all fuel...for the mind, body, soul, spirit and attitude.
Everytime I go to the bathroom I see the toxins leaving my body. That is the image I have with the areas in my life that need cleansing. I have to look at the shit, take a good long look at it, and let it go. The serpent has outlived its usefulness.
Getting Back to Work
With this cleanse and with all of the change happening in my life over the past year, I have to get back to work. I have the unique opportunity to not be working right now and to have some money coming in. I have decided that I'm not making much of a plan other than to just sit down and get work done.
Writing. That's the plan.
I'm having lots of sex with the boyfriend and giving lots of blow jobs. I'm going to the gym four times a week. And going to the Korean Spa about three or four times a week. But while that relaxes me, that's not working. Not to say I haven't needed this openness in my schedule for a long time. I really need it. So now that I have any open schedule to get work done, I actually have to get work done. And that will beget more work and eventually I might have a regular schedule again. But I'm kind of taking what's going on right now and enjoying it.
I'm getting myself into shape, so that I'm presentable on these job interviews I'll be going on. And I'm reading and writing a shit ton. Got to get it done to make the green, honey!
It's weird being back in LA after teaching for three months. I feel like my mindset is completely different, which is a good thing. Because it wasn't working the way my brain was jiggered before. I've recallebrated and I'm ready for things to be different and way more productive and successful. I'm cleansing myself of my old modes of thought too, honey!
Writing. That's the plan.
I'm having lots of sex with the boyfriend and giving lots of blow jobs. I'm going to the gym four times a week. And going to the Korean Spa about three or four times a week. But while that relaxes me, that's not working. Not to say I haven't needed this openness in my schedule for a long time. I really need it. So now that I have any open schedule to get work done, I actually have to get work done. And that will beget more work and eventually I might have a regular schedule again. But I'm kind of taking what's going on right now and enjoying it.
I'm getting myself into shape, so that I'm presentable on these job interviews I'll be going on. And I'm reading and writing a shit ton. Got to get it done to make the green, honey!
It's weird being back in LA after teaching for three months. I feel like my mindset is completely different, which is a good thing. Because it wasn't working the way my brain was jiggered before. I've recallebrated and I'm ready for things to be different and way more productive and successful. I'm cleansing myself of my old modes of thought too, honey!
New Life
I have a new nephew who was born this morning at 5:57 AM. He shares my mother's birthday, who is turning 66 today.
Lots of new beginnings. Fresh starts. I did his numerology and apparently he's supposed to be a philanthropist or involved in giving back to others. Also, he's highly creative...no shocker.
Days like today remind me that the cycle of life continues and things workout the way they're supposed to. My parents have been feeling a bit disconnected from my brother and his family. But with my nephew's middle name being my father's name and with him sharing a birthday with my mother...there's no way their lives can't be intertwined. He will always be a reminder of his grandparents for as long as he lives. It's pretty special that way.
Lots of new beginnings. Fresh starts. I did his numerology and apparently he's supposed to be a philanthropist or involved in giving back to others. Also, he's highly creative...no shocker.
Days like today remind me that the cycle of life continues and things workout the way they're supposed to. My parents have been feeling a bit disconnected from my brother and his family. But with my nephew's middle name being my father's name and with him sharing a birthday with my mother...there's no way their lives can't be intertwined. He will always be a reminder of his grandparents for as long as he lives. It's pretty special that way.
2011 Review and 2012 Plan
I'm re-posting here the Review and Plan I put on my Facebook at the end of last year. Just to reiterate and to put it out there yet again.
This year, I didn't really make any New Years Resolutions because so much of my life had changed in the two months prior to the New Year. My five year relationship ended and I was in the middle of rebuilding my life. I was about to start a new job...I had ended a long time working relationship as well.
This year has brought about tremendous change. I had a great job working for the producers of EDEN, a USA pilot that didn't go to series. But it taught me so much about what I am capable of and what I had been holding back. Then I decided to collect unemployment, take the rest of the year off to write and regroup, and see where that took me. But I treat my unemployment as an award, a fellowship, and once I made the decision to go to Portland to see my brother's family, to go to NYC to book a play reading, and to reach out to Santa Clara to see if I could do a workshop for their students...something miraculous happened. I originally was going to SCU to sub for a professor who had to miss a class. When it turned out that he had to bow out for the whole Fall, I was the person they asked to teach Playwriting that term. And that decision changed a lot for me. It gave me the confidence to step out as an authority in my field and I know that change will reverberate throughout 2012.
So here we are on the brink of 2012. And this year I will not really make any resolutions, but I will have a plan for 2012. And to hold myself accountable and to say it out loud, I'm putting it on Facebook.
This year I will...
continue to write plays - because writing plays make me happy. They challenge my mind and my spirit. I started writing very young as a way to express how I see the world. That hasn't changed, but the very honorable goal of trying to make a living in the entertainment industry has sometimes gotten in the way. But that will lead to the next thing...
I will be clearer in my goals for my writing. I know that TV will be a part of my future. But I have to be clear about what I want. My writing has to be clearer and more intentional. I was writing from a place of not totally buying that I am talented, knowledegable and capable enough to stand firm in my ability to tell stories. And having taught this year, I know how capable I am. In order to teach something, you have to know it. Someone very special to me said to me that teaching only reinforces what you already know and that teaching would make me a better writer.
This coming year, I'm ready to see that come to fruition and show itself in my achievement of serious professional goals. I feel like I planted a lot of seeds in 2011 and in 2012, those seeds are going to bear fruit. But I have to continue to fertilize and tend to what I have planted.
Something shifted this year. My friend Dave called it Loo-thousand-eleven and I really took that to heart. I no longer am in the shadows of what other people know or what my inadequacies are. I live in the light of the things I know to be true and my own authority. Teaching really gave that to me in a big way. And I hope to continue learning to be a better teacher.
But it's not just about teaching for me. It's about continuing to do. It's about giving myself the opportunity to better myself. It's about delivering the best me to myself and to my loved ones and colleagues. I am learning every day how to be a kinder, more compassionate person of my work.
I want to do more mentoring. Whether that's teaching at the university level, whether that's reconnecting with my high school and offering my knowledge to its current students in some way, visiting current Jesuit Volunteers whenever I'm in Portland or talking to the parents of an eighth grader from my hometown who are considering the value of spending $14K a year on a high school education and figuring out how to get their son to Venice Blvd, between Normandie and Vermont every day. If that's the way that I can do more social service, then I am happy to do so.
This coming year will be about being more productive, continuing to get deeper spiritually...but I also want to look as good as I feel. I'm happy to be fit and healthy. But I also want to look hot. It's not just about having someone to look good for, but it's about looking in the mirror and knowing that what you look like reflects your discipline, dedication, hard work and personal value. And if that means six pack abs, then that means six pack abs.
But with my father getting sick this year, I do understand the value of health. And I will be more active so that I can be mentally sharp, physically strong and capable for as long as God blesses me with life on this earth. I would like to do another marathon. It's about time.
I will be more dedicated to my family, respectful of my loved ones and appreciative of all they bring to me. I have met someone who has taught me that it's not about being edgy to show that you're someone worth being respected, but it's about being kind. And I will be kind as much as possible every day.
So that's my plan. It's not bullet pointed. It's not in outline form. It's specific without being detailed because I want to allow the room for God to come in and decide to give me more than what I asked for. I am surrendering to him and his desires for me because it really is like Oprah says (like so many things are), "God has a bigger dream than you can dream for yourself."
The plan is to let him dream the dream, but to keep moving in a forward direction.
This year, I didn't really make any New Years Resolutions because so much of my life had changed in the two months prior to the New Year. My five year relationship ended and I was in the middle of rebuilding my life. I was about to start a new job...I had ended a long time working relationship as well.
This year has brought about tremendous change. I had a great job working for the producers of EDEN, a USA pilot that didn't go to series. But it taught me so much about what I am capable of and what I had been holding back. Then I decided to collect unemployment, take the rest of the year off to write and regroup, and see where that took me. But I treat my unemployment as an award, a fellowship, and once I made the decision to go to Portland to see my brother's family, to go to NYC to book a play reading, and to reach out to Santa Clara to see if I could do a workshop for their students...something miraculous happened. I originally was going to SCU to sub for a professor who had to miss a class. When it turned out that he had to bow out for the whole Fall, I was the person they asked to teach Playwriting that term. And that decision changed a lot for me. It gave me the confidence to step out as an authority in my field and I know that change will reverberate throughout 2012.
So here we are on the brink of 2012. And this year I will not really make any resolutions, but I will have a plan for 2012. And to hold myself accountable and to say it out loud, I'm putting it on Facebook.
This year I will...
continue to write plays - because writing plays make me happy. They challenge my mind and my spirit. I started writing very young as a way to express how I see the world. That hasn't changed, but the very honorable goal of trying to make a living in the entertainment industry has sometimes gotten in the way. But that will lead to the next thing...
I will be clearer in my goals for my writing. I know that TV will be a part of my future. But I have to be clear about what I want. My writing has to be clearer and more intentional. I was writing from a place of not totally buying that I am talented, knowledegable and capable enough to stand firm in my ability to tell stories. And having taught this year, I know how capable I am. In order to teach something, you have to know it. Someone very special to me said to me that teaching only reinforces what you already know and that teaching would make me a better writer.
This coming year, I'm ready to see that come to fruition and show itself in my achievement of serious professional goals. I feel like I planted a lot of seeds in 2011 and in 2012, those seeds are going to bear fruit. But I have to continue to fertilize and tend to what I have planted.
Something shifted this year. My friend Dave called it Loo-thousand-eleven and I really took that to heart. I no longer am in the shadows of what other people know or what my inadequacies are. I live in the light of the things I know to be true and my own authority. Teaching really gave that to me in a big way. And I hope to continue learning to be a better teacher.
But it's not just about teaching for me. It's about continuing to do. It's about giving myself the opportunity to better myself. It's about delivering the best me to myself and to my loved ones and colleagues. I am learning every day how to be a kinder, more compassionate person of my work.
I want to do more mentoring. Whether that's teaching at the university level, whether that's reconnecting with my high school and offering my knowledge to its current students in some way, visiting current Jesuit Volunteers whenever I'm in Portland or talking to the parents of an eighth grader from my hometown who are considering the value of spending $14K a year on a high school education and figuring out how to get their son to Venice Blvd, between Normandie and Vermont every day. If that's the way that I can do more social service, then I am happy to do so.
This coming year will be about being more productive, continuing to get deeper spiritually...but I also want to look as good as I feel. I'm happy to be fit and healthy. But I also want to look hot. It's not just about having someone to look good for, but it's about looking in the mirror and knowing that what you look like reflects your discipline, dedication, hard work and personal value. And if that means six pack abs, then that means six pack abs.
But with my father getting sick this year, I do understand the value of health. And I will be more active so that I can be mentally sharp, physically strong and capable for as long as God blesses me with life on this earth. I would like to do another marathon. It's about time.
I will be more dedicated to my family, respectful of my loved ones and appreciative of all they bring to me. I have met someone who has taught me that it's not about being edgy to show that you're someone worth being respected, but it's about being kind. And I will be kind as much as possible every day.
So that's my plan. It's not bullet pointed. It's not in outline form. It's specific without being detailed because I want to allow the room for God to come in and decide to give me more than what I asked for. I am surrendering to him and his desires for me because it really is like Oprah says (like so many things are), "God has a bigger dream than you can dream for yourself."
The plan is to let him dream the dream, but to keep moving in a forward direction.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Cleanse 2012: New Ways to Exercise
Here are some things that The Drummer and I can do to get each other in shape:
Yoga - he's got yoga mat and six yoga classes as a gift from me and it's time for him to use them. Plus, it's great mental focus.
Aerial acrobatics - I am dying to try this. My friend Dave did it with his now wife last year. I want to do it for two reasons: 1) I've never done anything like this before and it's very Cirque de Soleil; and 2) the class is only gay men and hot ladies. Fun.
Kickboxing/Boxing - I want to get my inner aggressor and bring him to the surface. I think it would be a great workout.
Krav Maga - Along these lines, my friend Tin has done Krav Maga and thinks it's something to do. I'm game.
Running - I need to sign up for another marathon. So I want to get training.
Groov3 - it's a hip hop dance workout that's similiar in format to Zumba. But it's amazing! And a fun place to sweat it all out. Need to get back to class for sure!
Let's start 2012 with a big bang and get those six back abs because I want to wear hot swimsuits or nothing at all that the beach this summer.
Yoga - he's got yoga mat and six yoga classes as a gift from me and it's time for him to use them. Plus, it's great mental focus.
Aerial acrobatics - I am dying to try this. My friend Dave did it with his now wife last year. I want to do it for two reasons: 1) I've never done anything like this before and it's very Cirque de Soleil; and 2) the class is only gay men and hot ladies. Fun.
Kickboxing/Boxing - I want to get my inner aggressor and bring him to the surface. I think it would be a great workout.
Krav Maga - Along these lines, my friend Tin has done Krav Maga and thinks it's something to do. I'm game.
Running - I need to sign up for another marathon. So I want to get training.
Groov3 - it's a hip hop dance workout that's similiar in format to Zumba. But it's amazing! And a fun place to sweat it all out. Need to get back to class for sure!
Let's start 2012 with a big bang and get those six back abs because I want to wear hot swimsuits or nothing at all that the beach this summer.
Cleanse 2012: Day Three
Today is the 6th month anniversary for me and The Drummer. The past six months have been amazing. I'm in love. He's terrific and I think we're continuing to get to know each other as people. But we both feel very fortunate to be together.
We were at the gym today and talking about the changes that we want to make in our lives. We both want to get even more fit than we are. I want to lose some weight and gain some muscle. The Drummer wants do lose some weight, get more cardio, and get bigger. We both want to be hot for each other. But the other thing is that we want to make a commitment to continue to do things with and for each other. So we were in the middle of our workout this afternoon and we both said that we wanted to be in better shape in the next six months.
To commemorate our six months together, I said that we should give ourselves the gift of committing to our health so that when we celebrate a year together, if we're lucky to do so, we should celebrate it in a healthier way than when we started. So to that end, he's going to be doing this cleanse with me, or at least as much as he wants to. It's a significant change to have someone in my life who wants me to be better and also wants to do that with me. And it just means that we have more time to spend together and support each other.
But it also means that we have a goal for our next six months together. I like that as a present to each other: another six months of good health and fitness and time together.
So today we worked out, which was excellent. We did a quick 40 minute full body work out.
My energy is feeling good. I'm not really having any dips in energy. I start cutting out sugar next week, so we'll see how things change then.
I'm not too hungry. I'm dealing with that. And my mood and spirit is great. Feeling good.
Tonight we're going out for Sushi as a celebration of our anniversary. I'm excited to plan what kind of exercise activities we want to do together.
We were at the gym today and talking about the changes that we want to make in our lives. We both want to get even more fit than we are. I want to lose some weight and gain some muscle. The Drummer wants do lose some weight, get more cardio, and get bigger. We both want to be hot for each other. But the other thing is that we want to make a commitment to continue to do things with and for each other. So we were in the middle of our workout this afternoon and we both said that we wanted to be in better shape in the next six months.
To commemorate our six months together, I said that we should give ourselves the gift of committing to our health so that when we celebrate a year together, if we're lucky to do so, we should celebrate it in a healthier way than when we started. So to that end, he's going to be doing this cleanse with me, or at least as much as he wants to. It's a significant change to have someone in my life who wants me to be better and also wants to do that with me. And it just means that we have more time to spend together and support each other.
But it also means that we have a goal for our next six months together. I like that as a present to each other: another six months of good health and fitness and time together.
So today we worked out, which was excellent. We did a quick 40 minute full body work out.
My energy is feeling good. I'm not really having any dips in energy. I start cutting out sugar next week, so we'll see how things change then.
I'm not too hungry. I'm dealing with that. And my mood and spirit is great. Feeling good.
Tonight we're going out for Sushi as a celebration of our anniversary. I'm excited to plan what kind of exercise activities we want to do together.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Cleanse 2012: Day Two
I sat quietly in the Korean Spa, in the HOT steam room, and just meditated. I just let the mind empty out. It was a glorious feeling. I'm drinking tons of water. Just letting all of those toxins out. All of those feelings of doubt and non-useful thoughts out.
Last year, during Day Two of my Cleanse, I had the major caffeine detox. It was awful and I felt horrible. So sick. This year, I don't have the caffeine in my system. So today I felt very clean. I pooped three times. I ate very clean. And I reconnected with my very good friend, Dave, who is a former co-worker.
But the day started with a Skype call with the team that I'm working with on a project that my mentor Erik Ehn wrote that commemorates the Virginia Tech Shootings of five years ago. I am directing five play readings out of the 32 that were written that each represent a person who died that day, April 16th. We had an organizational meeting. It was good to see everyone again, to reconnect to the goings on up at Santa Clara University. All of that productive, encouraging energy came back to me. It was great.
Then I went to see my friend Susan and her new baby. That was wonderful. Just catching up on what's been going on and saying out loud the things I want to accomplish. Incredibly helpful.
Then Dave and I had lunch. Dave's amazing. Really talented at giving great feedback about scripts and story ideas. He's the person I like to bounce things off of. So we talked about everything that has been going on. And this idea that I need to reinvent myself and my work, at least as the TV industry sees me. I'm surrendering to the fact that I don't know what that is yet. But I'm open to letting those revelations come to me and then getting some writing done.
I know that I need to start over in terms of the ideas I've been working on. But that's fine. Just keep moving forward.
Then I went to the Korean Spa for three hours and just steamed, sauna-ed and sat. It was fantastic. Really, really great. I slept for a while and just let myself detox and chill.
Now I'm back at home and recounting the day's events. My energy is good. I'm not tired. My attitude is good and I'm not especially overly hungry. I haven't gotten to the crave stage yet, but maybe I won't. I'm just enjoying being clean. No exercise today. I will pick back up with an intense hump day workout tomorrow.
Last year, during Day Two of my Cleanse, I had the major caffeine detox. It was awful and I felt horrible. So sick. This year, I don't have the caffeine in my system. So today I felt very clean. I pooped three times. I ate very clean. And I reconnected with my very good friend, Dave, who is a former co-worker.
But the day started with a Skype call with the team that I'm working with on a project that my mentor Erik Ehn wrote that commemorates the Virginia Tech Shootings of five years ago. I am directing five play readings out of the 32 that were written that each represent a person who died that day, April 16th. We had an organizational meeting. It was good to see everyone again, to reconnect to the goings on up at Santa Clara University. All of that productive, encouraging energy came back to me. It was great.
Then I went to see my friend Susan and her new baby. That was wonderful. Just catching up on what's been going on and saying out loud the things I want to accomplish. Incredibly helpful.
Then Dave and I had lunch. Dave's amazing. Really talented at giving great feedback about scripts and story ideas. He's the person I like to bounce things off of. So we talked about everything that has been going on. And this idea that I need to reinvent myself and my work, at least as the TV industry sees me. I'm surrendering to the fact that I don't know what that is yet. But I'm open to letting those revelations come to me and then getting some writing done.
I know that I need to start over in terms of the ideas I've been working on. But that's fine. Just keep moving forward.
Then I went to the Korean Spa for three hours and just steamed, sauna-ed and sat. It was fantastic. Really, really great. I slept for a while and just let myself detox and chill.
Now I'm back at home and recounting the day's events. My energy is good. I'm not tired. My attitude is good and I'm not especially overly hungry. I haven't gotten to the crave stage yet, but maybe I won't. I'm just enjoying being clean. No exercise today. I will pick back up with an intense hump day workout tomorrow.
Cleanse 2012: Tarot Reading
Last year, at some point after the break up, I had Christine do my card reading. It was so helpful to have her read my cards and I decided that with the new year, I would have her do it again. So here's what she said.
I forget what the formation was called that we used, but basically we took seven cards and put them in a V formation. So starting with the top left and working down...
First Card: Past/Process of Ending - this refers to anything that happened when I walked into her house
PRINCESS OF CUPS
This refers to emotional freedom, jealousy conquered. The past can now be seen with clarity. I'm on the right path. Let go of anything not letting me completely be free.
I just came out of a year where I started coming back to myself. I'm letting go of anything that doesn't allow me to be myself and to express my true nature. I had to experience the pain of not living my true nature to truly value it. So now I can look at it with gratitude. If this is what I walked in the door with, then the five years I spent fighting for who I am and sometimes giving that up amounted to something useful.
Second Card: Present
POWER - 4 OF DISCS
This can represent both positive and negative aspects. Security and strength. It represents certain ideals that I stand for, but it can also mean that I'm fixed. I have the challenge to submit and surrender.
When we talked about this card, Christine and I both acknowledged the good and bad aspects. I have spent years beliving certain things to be true. Part of that is because I have lived my experience. But some of those beliefs came from my family or from my limitations. Such as having to really have a certain amount of experience in order to enjoy success. But I'm on a path of constant learning and I was risking never getting to a place where I felt I deserved it because I always am learning. Last year, I truly went from student to teacher and I started to engage with my authority. I have also decided to look at every belief I have and challenge it and to be open to there being a new way of thinking.
Third Card: Future Just About to Begin
STRENGTH - 9 OF WANDS
Very strong card. Wholeness. Power gained through both conscious and unconscious means. There might be a fear of unproven strength, but there is no return to weakness or ignorance. I need to trust my inner guide more. I'm in a process of discovering and I should pay attention to what my dreams are saying.
I can feel myself becoming more whole. I spent more time in quiet thought and just listening to the messages around me, rather than covering up the knowledge that the Universe is offering up. Because I am starting to trust my inner guide more, I discover more connections and I am being guided in certain directions, towards certain people and situations that support me. I also have been having crazy dreams lately and I suppose now I need to pay more attention to them. I do have a fear of what I haven't proven yet, probably a fear that the strength either isn't as strong or isn't there in ways I need it to be. I just need to shut up and trust it. This is how I heard what the cards were saying.
Fourth Card: What to Do
VICTORY - 6 OF WANDS
Victory. Success. Breakthrough. All goals should be easily reached. Struggle won by fair means. Do what you were planning to do. Question: What does Victory mean to you?
The Fourth Card, which refers to What To Do, basically said Do What You Were Planning to Do. There is no clearer message than that. But the question of what does Victory or Success mean to me has great meaning and resonance. And it means something entirely different to me than it did a year ago. And I like that this card is saying that my goals should be easily reached. As easy as reaching for them...right?
Fifth Card: Helpful/Disturbing Energies from the Outside
DEFEAT - 5 of SWORDS
There's a fear of loss/defeat. Painful experiences. Fear of losing control. Challenge: make room for objectification/clarity.
I interpreted this card to mean that with all of this energy in a positive direction, what is holding me back is made clearer. I have had painful experiences which made me feel that I won't accomplish what I want to accomplish. And the next card proves that way of thinking is done.
Sixth Card: Greatest Hopes/Fears
THE UNIVERSE
This is the last card in the major arcana. Travel. Liberation from Bondage. New beginnings or a higher level of being. Now See the world as it is. I am at one with my original nature. The serpent has outlived its usefulness. New beginning.
I interpreted this very strong card as certification that I'm on the right path. That I don't need to beat myself down to lift myself up: The serpent has outlived its usefulness. This refers to both my father and my ex and other influences in my life which have made me feel like I need to be hard on myself to flourish. I needed the serpent or felt that I needed him before. I don't need the serpent any more.
Seventh Card: Result/Outcome
PRINCE OF SWORDS
Intuition. Creative Thinking. Free of limited thinking. Perception. Time to give shape and form to ideas. Free yourself from limits. Express your ideas in ways people can understand, even if those ideas are ahead of their time. Do some Creative Visualisation. Creativity has no limits.
Well, that kind of says it all. In summation, go for it. Just Do It. Make it happen. There are no limits. All in all, a great reading. And just the encouragement I needed to start this new year and this new beginning.
I forget what the formation was called that we used, but basically we took seven cards and put them in a V formation. So starting with the top left and working down...
First Card: Past/Process of Ending - this refers to anything that happened when I walked into her house
PRINCESS OF CUPS
This refers to emotional freedom, jealousy conquered. The past can now be seen with clarity. I'm on the right path. Let go of anything not letting me completely be free.
I just came out of a year where I started coming back to myself. I'm letting go of anything that doesn't allow me to be myself and to express my true nature. I had to experience the pain of not living my true nature to truly value it. So now I can look at it with gratitude. If this is what I walked in the door with, then the five years I spent fighting for who I am and sometimes giving that up amounted to something useful.
Second Card: Present
POWER - 4 OF DISCS
This can represent both positive and negative aspects. Security and strength. It represents certain ideals that I stand for, but it can also mean that I'm fixed. I have the challenge to submit and surrender.
When we talked about this card, Christine and I both acknowledged the good and bad aspects. I have spent years beliving certain things to be true. Part of that is because I have lived my experience. But some of those beliefs came from my family or from my limitations. Such as having to really have a certain amount of experience in order to enjoy success. But I'm on a path of constant learning and I was risking never getting to a place where I felt I deserved it because I always am learning. Last year, I truly went from student to teacher and I started to engage with my authority. I have also decided to look at every belief I have and challenge it and to be open to there being a new way of thinking.
Third Card: Future Just About to Begin
STRENGTH - 9 OF WANDS
Very strong card. Wholeness. Power gained through both conscious and unconscious means. There might be a fear of unproven strength, but there is no return to weakness or ignorance. I need to trust my inner guide more. I'm in a process of discovering and I should pay attention to what my dreams are saying.
I can feel myself becoming more whole. I spent more time in quiet thought and just listening to the messages around me, rather than covering up the knowledge that the Universe is offering up. Because I am starting to trust my inner guide more, I discover more connections and I am being guided in certain directions, towards certain people and situations that support me. I also have been having crazy dreams lately and I suppose now I need to pay more attention to them. I do have a fear of what I haven't proven yet, probably a fear that the strength either isn't as strong or isn't there in ways I need it to be. I just need to shut up and trust it. This is how I heard what the cards were saying.
Fourth Card: What to Do
VICTORY - 6 OF WANDS
Victory. Success. Breakthrough. All goals should be easily reached. Struggle won by fair means. Do what you were planning to do. Question: What does Victory mean to you?
The Fourth Card, which refers to What To Do, basically said Do What You Were Planning to Do. There is no clearer message than that. But the question of what does Victory or Success mean to me has great meaning and resonance. And it means something entirely different to me than it did a year ago. And I like that this card is saying that my goals should be easily reached. As easy as reaching for them...right?
Fifth Card: Helpful/Disturbing Energies from the Outside
DEFEAT - 5 of SWORDS
There's a fear of loss/defeat. Painful experiences. Fear of losing control. Challenge: make room for objectification/clarity.
I interpreted this card to mean that with all of this energy in a positive direction, what is holding me back is made clearer. I have had painful experiences which made me feel that I won't accomplish what I want to accomplish. And the next card proves that way of thinking is done.
Sixth Card: Greatest Hopes/Fears
THE UNIVERSE
This is the last card in the major arcana. Travel. Liberation from Bondage. New beginnings or a higher level of being. Now See the world as it is. I am at one with my original nature. The serpent has outlived its usefulness. New beginning.
I interpreted this very strong card as certification that I'm on the right path. That I don't need to beat myself down to lift myself up: The serpent has outlived its usefulness. This refers to both my father and my ex and other influences in my life which have made me feel like I need to be hard on myself to flourish. I needed the serpent or felt that I needed him before. I don't need the serpent any more.
Seventh Card: Result/Outcome
PRINCE OF SWORDS
Intuition. Creative Thinking. Free of limited thinking. Perception. Time to give shape and form to ideas. Free yourself from limits. Express your ideas in ways people can understand, even if those ideas are ahead of their time. Do some Creative Visualisation. Creativity has no limits.
Well, that kind of says it all. In summation, go for it. Just Do It. Make it happen. There are no limits. All in all, a great reading. And just the encouragement I needed to start this new year and this new beginning.
Monday, January 9, 2012
Cleanse 2012: Day One
Today's the first day of my cleanse.
I woke up late. Or normal time according to the boyfriend. 11 AM. The boyfriend's a musician and we stay up late. I need to change that. At least for me.
I took my psyllium husk powder and then I went to the gym. Hour workout. Started on the rowing machine, which is my favorite new thing. Then legs. Then chest and back. Then shoulders and arms.
Came back and made two burritos with Esekiel tortillas, black beans, mango salsa, pico de gallo and lettuce.
Then did some work on this blog.
Tonight I"m going to my friend Christine's to have my tarot cards read. Haven't done that in almost a year. Really looking forward to that. My big question will most likely be about my work. Those are always the things I wonder about. But this time it won't be about getting that "dream job." But it will be about work and life balance and my priorities with my work. Keeping focused on what I love to do. Money wouldn't be bad either. Need to make some of that for when the unemployment runs out.
Dinner will probably be the corn pasta with ground chicken and spices and veggies. And a salad. Drinking my detox tea now. Going over to Christine's with some chips, mango salsa and hummus.
I'm looking forward to this. The last cleanse brought about so much good change that I'm ready to make this more about a lifestyle and seeing what things I can cut out of my diet.
What don't I need anymore? What has served its purpose?
Is that sugar? Is that red meat? Is that cigarettes?
Is it people who put me down? Judgement? Self loathing?
That's the big question on this cleanse: What don't I need anymore?
I woke up late. Or normal time according to the boyfriend. 11 AM. The boyfriend's a musician and we stay up late. I need to change that. At least for me.
I took my psyllium husk powder and then I went to the gym. Hour workout. Started on the rowing machine, which is my favorite new thing. Then legs. Then chest and back. Then shoulders and arms.
Came back and made two burritos with Esekiel tortillas, black beans, mango salsa, pico de gallo and lettuce.
Then did some work on this blog.
Tonight I"m going to my friend Christine's to have my tarot cards read. Haven't done that in almost a year. Really looking forward to that. My big question will most likely be about my work. Those are always the things I wonder about. But this time it won't be about getting that "dream job." But it will be about work and life balance and my priorities with my work. Keeping focused on what I love to do. Money wouldn't be bad either. Need to make some of that for when the unemployment runs out.
Dinner will probably be the corn pasta with ground chicken and spices and veggies. And a salad. Drinking my detox tea now. Going over to Christine's with some chips, mango salsa and hummus.
I'm looking forward to this. The last cleanse brought about so much good change that I'm ready to make this more about a lifestyle and seeing what things I can cut out of my diet.
What don't I need anymore? What has served its purpose?
Is that sugar? Is that red meat? Is that cigarettes?
Is it people who put me down? Judgement? Self loathing?
That's the big question on this cleanse: What don't I need anymore?
Cleanse 2012: Goals
When I did this cleanse last year, I had set up a list of goals and reasons I'm doing the cleanse. So I thought that it would be good to write all of that stuff down again because this year's reasons are different from last year's.
After I finished my cleanse last year, I decided to end my dependence on caffeine. I had a coke once and a green tea a few times. But no coffee. No soda. After that I decided that I would repeat the cleanse once a year and every time I would finish minus my dependence on something else. So here are the options this year:
FAST FOOD
CIGARETTES
SUGAR
RED MEAT
It would be one or more of those things. Last year I decided to not plan anything important during my cleanse. I did it after my birthday. I didn't have any major trips planned. This year I have my anniversary with The Drummer on Wednesday. I'm going to Santa Clara to work on a project for four days. So I'm going to have to really be good about it this time around. And life can't stop because I'm on a cleanse, also I can't just give up on my cleanse if I'm travelling or on vacation. So I'm adding some different challenges this year.
Okay...so here's why I'm repeating my cleanse again this year:
Last year I felt so good and energized in the months after the cleanse. But of course I reintroduced different foods into my life and I noticed that my energy became a little more up and down, but not as bad as when I was on caffeine. So this year, I'm looking at my relationship to sugar. I don't know if I would completely give sugar up, but I do know that I can't be as thoughtless about it.
I have a lot of goals to accomplish in 2012. Last year was about rebuilding after the break up. I had to get my life together again. And a lot of last year was about letting go. The cleanse fit into that because I was focused on the idea of empty calories. If I'm concerned about the things I'm putting into my body and being thought out and planned out about that, it becomes a great metaphor for the people and experiences that I allow myself to have in my life. I can't be thoughtless about that any more. So I want to refocus on that a bit. I think I did great this year with being aware of what was going into my body, but I loosened my rules because I also try to enjoy food.
One of the lasting effects of last year's cleanse was the immunity. I haven't gotten sick in a year. So this is a good time to re up that immunity. It's like renewing my AAA membership. I'm renewing my coverage for 2012.
I want to recommit myself to discipline. If I'm going to be planned out and thought out about my diet, then I need to do the same about excercise and I need to do the same with my writing. I need to have a plan. I need to be on a schedule. I need to make time to prepare. Because when you're not prepared on the cleanse, then you start eating shit you shouldn't because you are in a hurry and you choose conveinence over health. I think that's true for when you're not prepared in your life. So this year I want those three aspects to really integrate and work together.
The wonderful thing is that I have a partner who's committed to the same things. I have to do all of these things for myself, but my boyfriend wants the same things for himself so I'm not in an environment where my needs and wants are in conflict with his, even though mine are different. And I don't want to make myself responsible for him dealing with his shit. That is his own separate journey.
So I want to use this cleanse as a template for how prepared I need to be in the rest of my life in two significant areas of my life: exercise and work. Two areas, by the way, that I always flip flop between. I have been notorious for saying I can't do both at the same time. I've been better about it in recent years, but historically when I was working out, I wasn't writing and vice versa.
So with the exercise, here are my goals:
I want to work out every other day at the gym. I just got this app that the Drummer turned me onto called Virtual Gym. It gives you an 80 minute full body workout. I do that every other day. In addition, I am going to run in the days between. I want to get the boyfriend running as well. But that's a separate thing.
Then I'm going to detox my skin and go to the Korean Spa at least twice a week. The last time I did this cleanse, everyone remarked about how great my skin looked. So I'm ready to make that happen again. The funny thing about my face in the past twelve months is that I look younger than I have in years...and I already look young.
With the writing, I'm going to have a schedule as well. My friend Kevin said something inspiring last week when I emailed him to make plans to see each other. He said that he wasn't doing anything in January and that I had to wait until February because he was writing. Okay, I thought. I need to adopt that attitude. And I will. I'm having a challenging time because the boyfriend is on a musician's schedule. But I have my laptop and I can take off and write in the mornings if I need to. But if I'm writing every day for a set amount of time, I will easily get the scripts written that I need to get written.
And I will gauge my progress day to day on the same scale I had last time.
Energy
Attitude
Excercise
and one more thing I have to look up.
After I finished my cleanse last year, I decided to end my dependence on caffeine. I had a coke once and a green tea a few times. But no coffee. No soda. After that I decided that I would repeat the cleanse once a year and every time I would finish minus my dependence on something else. So here are the options this year:
FAST FOOD
CIGARETTES
SUGAR
RED MEAT
It would be one or more of those things. Last year I decided to not plan anything important during my cleanse. I did it after my birthday. I didn't have any major trips planned. This year I have my anniversary with The Drummer on Wednesday. I'm going to Santa Clara to work on a project for four days. So I'm going to have to really be good about it this time around. And life can't stop because I'm on a cleanse, also I can't just give up on my cleanse if I'm travelling or on vacation. So I'm adding some different challenges this year.
Okay...so here's why I'm repeating my cleanse again this year:
Last year I felt so good and energized in the months after the cleanse. But of course I reintroduced different foods into my life and I noticed that my energy became a little more up and down, but not as bad as when I was on caffeine. So this year, I'm looking at my relationship to sugar. I don't know if I would completely give sugar up, but I do know that I can't be as thoughtless about it.
I have a lot of goals to accomplish in 2012. Last year was about rebuilding after the break up. I had to get my life together again. And a lot of last year was about letting go. The cleanse fit into that because I was focused on the idea of empty calories. If I'm concerned about the things I'm putting into my body and being thought out and planned out about that, it becomes a great metaphor for the people and experiences that I allow myself to have in my life. I can't be thoughtless about that any more. So I want to refocus on that a bit. I think I did great this year with being aware of what was going into my body, but I loosened my rules because I also try to enjoy food.
One of the lasting effects of last year's cleanse was the immunity. I haven't gotten sick in a year. So this is a good time to re up that immunity. It's like renewing my AAA membership. I'm renewing my coverage for 2012.
I want to recommit myself to discipline. If I'm going to be planned out and thought out about my diet, then I need to do the same about excercise and I need to do the same with my writing. I need to have a plan. I need to be on a schedule. I need to make time to prepare. Because when you're not prepared on the cleanse, then you start eating shit you shouldn't because you are in a hurry and you choose conveinence over health. I think that's true for when you're not prepared in your life. So this year I want those three aspects to really integrate and work together.
The wonderful thing is that I have a partner who's committed to the same things. I have to do all of these things for myself, but my boyfriend wants the same things for himself so I'm not in an environment where my needs and wants are in conflict with his, even though mine are different. And I don't want to make myself responsible for him dealing with his shit. That is his own separate journey.
So I want to use this cleanse as a template for how prepared I need to be in the rest of my life in two significant areas of my life: exercise and work. Two areas, by the way, that I always flip flop between. I have been notorious for saying I can't do both at the same time. I've been better about it in recent years, but historically when I was working out, I wasn't writing and vice versa.
So with the exercise, here are my goals:
I want to work out every other day at the gym. I just got this app that the Drummer turned me onto called Virtual Gym. It gives you an 80 minute full body workout. I do that every other day. In addition, I am going to run in the days between. I want to get the boyfriend running as well. But that's a separate thing.
Then I'm going to detox my skin and go to the Korean Spa at least twice a week. The last time I did this cleanse, everyone remarked about how great my skin looked. So I'm ready to make that happen again. The funny thing about my face in the past twelve months is that I look younger than I have in years...and I already look young.
With the writing, I'm going to have a schedule as well. My friend Kevin said something inspiring last week when I emailed him to make plans to see each other. He said that he wasn't doing anything in January and that I had to wait until February because he was writing. Okay, I thought. I need to adopt that attitude. And I will. I'm having a challenging time because the boyfriend is on a musician's schedule. But I have my laptop and I can take off and write in the mornings if I need to. But if I'm writing every day for a set amount of time, I will easily get the scripts written that I need to get written.
And I will gauge my progress day to day on the same scale I had last time.
Energy
Attitude
Excercise
and one more thing I have to look up.
2012 and I'm Back Again
It's a new year.
Teaching consumed most of my time in the past couple of months so I haven't been on here as much. The holidays...a new relationship...there are a million excuses I guess. But the big one is that I've been working and living.
November was all about wrapping up at school. The teaching went well. I think I made an impact on my students lives and I had a great time doing that. I got reacquainted with some of my old professors who were now my colleagues. But the workouts went to the waste side, while the waist expanded a bit. With all of the travelling back and forth and trying to keep up with my Dad's health, it was all a little crazy.
Then in December I went to visit my brother and his family for two weeks and that was really about a complete check out from the rest of my life. The Drummer and I are still together...celebrating six months together in about two days. And that has been amazing. The last update was about how we finally said I love you to each other. And the past two months have been all about love. And kindness and respect. We're still getting to know each other more each day and I think the more we find out about each other, the deeper our love gets. It really is fantastic.
But I had to get away from all of it. My Dad's illness. My boyfriend. The past two and a half months of teaching. I had to totally let it go. So I went to Portland and got back on my workout routine. I ate a lot. Gained some weight. I'm actually at the heaviest I've ever been. The difference is that even though I'm about 180, I'm also in the best shape I've ever been in, in terms of muscle. So since muscle weights more than fat I don't look as big and my waist line isn't as big as when I was 178 five years ago. I was huge then. Well, huge in relative terms I guess. So now I'm in great shape, but I've got a gut because I like to eat.
So because it's the new year and because it's time and because I want to start things fresh...I'm doing my cleanse again. I just started today. And I will chronicle the cleanse the same way I chronicled it last time. I don't even remember what I said last time about it, but I will be documenting my progress every single day.
I have said several times that I was ending this blog because I felt like a certain journey had ended. I met someone wonderful. A year had past since the break up...there were a bunch of reasons to stop. But I think that there are still milestones I want to hit. I haven't gotten that first job as a staff writer on a TV show yet. My first big play hasn't been produced. I haven't gotten married...not that anything is in the works. I don't have those wonderful after photographs yet with the six pack abs. There are a lot of things still left to do. And still excellent ways to improve my life. As time goes on and as things get better, there's more and more to do.
So once again...I'M BACK. Hopefully for a while. But like working out, sometimes I need to take a break and come back to things with renewed energy.
Teaching consumed most of my time in the past couple of months so I haven't been on here as much. The holidays...a new relationship...there are a million excuses I guess. But the big one is that I've been working and living.
November was all about wrapping up at school. The teaching went well. I think I made an impact on my students lives and I had a great time doing that. I got reacquainted with some of my old professors who were now my colleagues. But the workouts went to the waste side, while the waist expanded a bit. With all of the travelling back and forth and trying to keep up with my Dad's health, it was all a little crazy.
Then in December I went to visit my brother and his family for two weeks and that was really about a complete check out from the rest of my life. The Drummer and I are still together...celebrating six months together in about two days. And that has been amazing. The last update was about how we finally said I love you to each other. And the past two months have been all about love. And kindness and respect. We're still getting to know each other more each day and I think the more we find out about each other, the deeper our love gets. It really is fantastic.
But I had to get away from all of it. My Dad's illness. My boyfriend. The past two and a half months of teaching. I had to totally let it go. So I went to Portland and got back on my workout routine. I ate a lot. Gained some weight. I'm actually at the heaviest I've ever been. The difference is that even though I'm about 180, I'm also in the best shape I've ever been in, in terms of muscle. So since muscle weights more than fat I don't look as big and my waist line isn't as big as when I was 178 five years ago. I was huge then. Well, huge in relative terms I guess. So now I'm in great shape, but I've got a gut because I like to eat.
So because it's the new year and because it's time and because I want to start things fresh...I'm doing my cleanse again. I just started today. And I will chronicle the cleanse the same way I chronicled it last time. I don't even remember what I said last time about it, but I will be documenting my progress every single day.
I have said several times that I was ending this blog because I felt like a certain journey had ended. I met someone wonderful. A year had past since the break up...there were a bunch of reasons to stop. But I think that there are still milestones I want to hit. I haven't gotten that first job as a staff writer on a TV show yet. My first big play hasn't been produced. I haven't gotten married...not that anything is in the works. I don't have those wonderful after photographs yet with the six pack abs. There are a lot of things still left to do. And still excellent ways to improve my life. As time goes on and as things get better, there's more and more to do.
So once again...I'M BACK. Hopefully for a while. But like working out, sometimes I need to take a break and come back to things with renewed energy.
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