I have taken a break from writing this blog for about five months. I have thought about getting back here several times over that period, but life just started happening.
Here's a quick recap on the things that have happened, month by month:
January:
I was supposed to do a rewrite of my play OPEN, which involves open marriage. I got sick and then went to Portland with my Mom to celebrate her 67th and my nephew's 1st birthdays. The trip was wonderful. We had time to share together and I got to take my Mom around town. I also got the chance to be with friends. I hadn't been back in Portland since April of the previous year. So it was good to be back in a town that I love. I was also sick during that trip and lost my voice. I had to guest teach a class at Santa Clara on finding agents and managers. That was a significant trip for me (for reasons that will become clear soon). I gave this lecture, which was a powerful thing to do. I feel the students really got a lot out of it. Kristin, the professor I worked with, asked me to come back in February to do another class. However, she said that the university wouldn't be able to pay me twice. I didn't like that, but at the time I felt like I wanted to be there for the students. But when I drove home, I realized that I would be giving away my expertise for free. Right then and there I decided not to do that. So I emailed Kristin and told her why I couldn't teach the second class. I don't want to be giving my goodies away for free. I want to get paid for my expertise.
February:
I turned 40. I had two birthday parties: one at the roller rink and one at a Latina drag bar. A bunch of friends came out for my parties and I felt loved. My boyfriend, The Drummer, was able to make it to both, which really made it special for me. He can't make it to a lot of weekend activities because of his playing schedule, so it was get really difficult. This birthday was significant to me for a lot of reasons, one of them being this was the first one since my Dad died. And this birthday was a big one. It also signifies that I have become an adult. Along with my Dad dying, this was another opportunity for me to step into my adulthood.
I used to be shy about admitting my age because in Hollywood, youth is valued. But in my journey, I realize that I have a lot of experience that I was not valuing because I was pretending to be younger than I am. That allowed people to treat me like a child. It also allowed people to believe that I had a lot of time ahead of me. And yes, 40 is not 80. But these are the years where things start coming into fruition. I have to own who I am. And that person is 40. That person has gone to college, worked in advertising, ran an arts education program for runaways, moved to New York, worked as an events manager, gone to NYU to get a Master of Fine Arts, worked in TV production and development and as a de facto executive, been up for several awards, fellowships and TV writing jobs, has made every job he has ever worked more than just the title he worked under (but has never stepped it up to demand that title), taught on the University level, taken care of his dying father and held his family together, written at least ten full length plays and eight TV pilots, co-directed a theatre project and survived several hard relationships throughout his life. I deserve to be 40 and to own that authority and the power and position that comes along with all of that. Yes, as my therapist and I have discussed, the age is just a title, but I need to own the high-level position that I have created for myself. And now I do.
March:
The first half of March was all about our family vacation to Hawaii to spread my Dad's ashes and to come together as a family. That was a beautiful experience and one which I will share on a future blog entry in greater detail. But it was an emotional experience and a significant one for me. And it closed an important chapter in my life.
I also have been writing my new pilot throughout this whole time and including through March. When I got back from Hawaii, I decided that I needed a fresh start in one area of my life that still felt like my old life: my career. I fired my long time manager (and former employer) because as my tarot reading said over a year ago: "the serpent has outlived its purpose." The serpent was still slithering around in this one area of my life and now it was time to let him go. And I did. And that set up the next stage of my life...
April:
I kept writing this pilot through the first couple weeks of April. I wanted to write about my Dad and write about things I love: food, restaurants, family, legacy. As of this posting, I am actually putting on some final finishing touches on this pilot.
After I let go of my management, I realized I needed to take the matters of my career in my own hands. I had always been good out of relationships. I never worried about finding the one or asking myself when Prince Charming was riding along on his white stallion. But when it came to my career, I was desperate at every turn to have Prince Charming show up and save me from mopping Hollywood's floors. I am adopting the approach I have to dating: don't worry about it, have fun and do my thing. Everything else will fall into its place and the good fortune will be attracted to me when I express truly who I am.
That being said, I started reaching out to people in my life who can help out in that capacity. I saw my friend Jack, who's a show runner, and we caught up. I saw my friend Matt who works at CAA. I got together with my friend Robert, who is an EP on Dallas, and he read the new script and have me major props and a couple of notes, which I am implementing right now. I have a deadline for an award application coming up this week and Robert's notes are helping me make this script exactly what it should be.
The other thing that happened is that one of my best friends, Veronica got married on April 13th. I went up a few days early to Santa Clara to spend time with my students and friends. I also was writing a lot when I was there on that trip, knowing that I needed to keep working on this script and didn't need to be distracted. When I went to visit the theatre department, I dropped in on Barbara, the head of the department, and the woman I used to work for. She also was a professor of mine when I was in school. She didn't expect me to show up in her office, since V didn't invite the faculty because she didn't want to exclude anyone. But she had some interesting news.
A position had just opened up for the 2013/2014 academic school year in Playwriting. It would be five courses: two intro to Playwriting classes, one class in Adaptation, one course that involved the Playwrights Festival and a class in Social Justice and the Arts. I was in shock. Back in November, when I went to visit and talked to Kristin about doing her class in January, I was inspired to create syllabi for five courses I felt I could teach if ever asked. And here I was in a position to use that information. The decision making process would be short. They would post the position in a few weeks (still waiting for that to happen) and they would need to make a decision by June, which is when the school year ends. My jaw was on the floor. I consulted with some colleagues about whether or not I should apply. My fear has always been that I would be taken out of LA and those dreams wouldn't come true. But I am trying to adopt a policy of saying yes to every opportunity and seeing where that takes me. And there's nothing to say that I can't have a successful playwriting career, a thriving teaching career and a bountiful career as a TV show creator, producer and writer. I would like to have all of those balls in the air simultaneously. And I know I could juggle all of those balls and keep them bouncing.
So this month has been about big changes, big possibilities and moving on from my father's death. It has been nine months since he passed. Incredible.
So now I'm truly back to this blog. Hope to write some more soon. There's a ton going on, but now more than ever I want to document what's happening on my journey.
Stay tuned.
