I've been having these dreams lately about my dogs.
When I broke up with the Ex, I had to leave my dogs behind becuase I didn't know where I would be living. And to be honest, he was the one who had suggested we get them in the first place. I obviously fell in love with them and together we were this family. But because I haven't seen my Ex, I haven't seen my dogs.
So before I had class yesterday, I reached out to my Ex in an email saying that I had been dreaming about the dogs and that I would love to see them. I also said that I hoped we could be friendly.
His response back was that he was on his Shamanic journey in Kauai and had asked for healing energy. SO he wasn't surprised that I was reaching out to him. But that he felt that it might be confusing for the dogs if I saw them again, so he'd have to think about it. Because I had left them behind and hadn't reached out during his time of need, he didn't know if this was the right thing to do.
And my response to that was that I had left them behind because I had to do what was right for me. I would never be so arrogant as to think what might be right for him, so I had to do what was right for me. I also said that even though our break up might have not been great for him emotionally, I'm certain that the other areas of his life are benefiting because I'm no longer an opposition for him. We eventually wanted different things from life and were just getting in each other's way.
I needed someone who's not so hidden from me emotionally. I needed not to feel wrong at every turn. I needed to feel loved unconditionally. And while some of that is happening with the Drummer, I still struggle with being comfortable with all of it. Just because I need it doesn't mean that it's easy for me to accept. That's MY healing.
So whatever happens with the Ex, if we are friends or friendly or non-existent to each other, I'm happy about that. He sent healing energy to me AND for us. And I thank him for that because this is what's helping me heal. Every spiritual practice that he introduced me to, I've benefited from. From Kabbalah to working with this shaman. It's helped me process what is going on in my life. It's a good thing.
And if I never see my dogs again, I just asked him if he would just let them know that I love them from time to time. It breaks my heart, and I think it's unnecessarily cruel and not very spiritual, but again I can't be so arrogant to think of what might be right for him to do. All I can do is leave the past in the past and be here now.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
10 Week Experiment
I just started a new blog.
http://10weekexperiment.blogspot.com/
It documents my teaching experience. Check it out. I just started it, so there aren't a lot of posts on it yet.
But set yourself up as a Follower. I'm trying to amass a following.
http://10weekexperiment.blogspot.com/
It documents my teaching experience. Check it out. I just started it, so there aren't a lot of posts on it yet.
But set yourself up as a Follower. I'm trying to amass a following.
Keys
The Drummer just gave me keys to his place.
I had spent the night last night and we were leaving the house. As I got in my car, I realized that I had forgotten my wallet in his room. I called him. He turned around and came back. Then he handed me a set of keys. "I had meant to give these to you so you can come and go as you please." I was a dumbstruck and I took the keys. Then he drove off.
Wow. Well, now that we are officially boyfriends, I guess that seems appropriate. That's kind of awesome.
Just thought I'd share.
I had spent the night last night and we were leaving the house. As I got in my car, I realized that I had forgotten my wallet in his room. I called him. He turned around and came back. Then he handed me a set of keys. "I had meant to give these to you so you can come and go as you please." I was a dumbstruck and I took the keys. Then he drove off.
Wow. Well, now that we are officially boyfriends, I guess that seems appropriate. That's kind of awesome.
Just thought I'd share.
Monday, September 19, 2011
A Professor Prepares
I've decided on an outfit for tomorrow.
Is there anything else I need to prepare?
Hee hee...
I've been preparing for the past month for this course. From the first moment I got the email, I started thinking of what I would be teaching and how I would be teaching. But teaching is all about presentation. At least in my estimation. But I guess I would say that about most things.
Cooking is all about presentation.
Working out is all about presentation.
Chives are all about presentation.
I guess the thing I need to make sure I do is keep it together. I have so many feelings about this experience. I'm going back to the place where I became a playwright. The first five minutes of this class convinced me that this was my calling. And now I'm giving something back. It's only fitting that this could be the start of everything.
I'm laying the foundation for this next chapter in my life. Maybe we're calling it Act Two. Maybe we're calling it Act One, Scene Ten. I don't know. But I know it's different than what has come before. I've got a new man in my life, a man who's supportive and excited about what I'm doing and who I am. I've been submitting plays to all of the places that I should be submitting plays to. I'm going to get in the face of the SF theatre folks.
And I'm going to do it looking fierce. I've got scarves. I've got crisp white shirts. I've got pinstripes. I've got black rimmed classes. I've got cap toe oxfords in burgundy. I've got hats. I've got cardigans...very college professor, very Mister Rogers, very Fall 2011. If you're trying to inspire, then you need to inspire students to come with their A game. And I'm bringing my A game from head to toe.
But seriously...
I am going to look HOT.
No, but seriously again...
I've got my lesson for tomorrow ready. I've got the whole Quarter worked out, which will change I'm sure as the course goes on. But I'm prepared with SOMETHING, even though that something might change. I'm excited to work with this group of writers and to see where this all goes.
One more glance at this week's plan and then I'm off to the spa and my Dad's nutritionist appointment and then dinner with my Mom and Godmother. And then a little Dancing with the Stars and then bed. I need to be up by 5 AM tomorrow. Crazy!
Is there anything else I need to prepare?
Hee hee...
I've been preparing for the past month for this course. From the first moment I got the email, I started thinking of what I would be teaching and how I would be teaching. But teaching is all about presentation. At least in my estimation. But I guess I would say that about most things.
Cooking is all about presentation.
Working out is all about presentation.
Chives are all about presentation.
I guess the thing I need to make sure I do is keep it together. I have so many feelings about this experience. I'm going back to the place where I became a playwright. The first five minutes of this class convinced me that this was my calling. And now I'm giving something back. It's only fitting that this could be the start of everything.
I'm laying the foundation for this next chapter in my life. Maybe we're calling it Act Two. Maybe we're calling it Act One, Scene Ten. I don't know. But I know it's different than what has come before. I've got a new man in my life, a man who's supportive and excited about what I'm doing and who I am. I've been submitting plays to all of the places that I should be submitting plays to. I'm going to get in the face of the SF theatre folks.
And I'm going to do it looking fierce. I've got scarves. I've got crisp white shirts. I've got pinstripes. I've got black rimmed classes. I've got cap toe oxfords in burgundy. I've got hats. I've got cardigans...very college professor, very Mister Rogers, very Fall 2011. If you're trying to inspire, then you need to inspire students to come with their A game. And I'm bringing my A game from head to toe.
But seriously...
I am going to look HOT.
No, but seriously again...
I've got my lesson for tomorrow ready. I've got the whole Quarter worked out, which will change I'm sure as the course goes on. But I'm prepared with SOMETHING, even though that something might change. I'm excited to work with this group of writers and to see where this all goes.
One more glance at this week's plan and then I'm off to the spa and my Dad's nutritionist appointment and then dinner with my Mom and Godmother. And then a little Dancing with the Stars and then bed. I need to be up by 5 AM tomorrow. Crazy!
Hey Old Friends
On Saturday night, I had my annual reunion with my grade school friends in my hometown of Downey. Through the wonders of Facebook, we had gotten in touch with each other a couple of years ago and decided to start getting together. The first year we got together, there were about six of us. Then those guys came over to my house for a St. Patrick’s Day Party that my ex and I threw every year. Then last year, we ventured to Anaheim for a larger reunion with our grade school pals. So after I had gotten back in touch with my friend Kathleen earlier this year, we decided that it would be good to get the gang together again for this sort of Third Annual gathering.
The night started out as a bit of a mess because the place we wanted to do it at was busy for some fight that was being telecast. So we went over to the local BJs and found a lovely table outside where we could be to ourselves. And the evening did not disappoint. I always enjoy seeing my friend Nora, who like me, was a bit of a shy person growing up and then blossomed into someone much more social. Yes, she’s got tattoos and a wild streak…and I’m pretty much the same way without the tattoos. I was telling a story about growing up and having to face a lot of bullying. The story started to make her emotional. Partially because she felt bad for me as a kid. But I think it also made her cry because she identifies with how crappy grade school was for some of us. It’s hard when people refuse to see you for who you think you really are or who you’re going to be.
My friend Kathleen is a wonder. She’s got this tough edge, she’s had some rough times in her life, but what has always shone through is how loyal she is. And funny. She was always hilarious, even growing up. She was never a mean girl, but she was incredibly popular. She’s an unforgettable character because she’s so honest and so outspoken and so funny all at the same time. It’s hard to describe her here because she’s pretty unique.
I have to say that I was really looking forward to seeing my friend, Niki. Niki always seemed cooler to me than the other kids in a certain way. Part of that had to do with the fact that she was Korean being raised by a white mother. And part of it had to do with the fact that she was only in our Fourth Grade class and then skipped to the Sixth Grade, I believe. But she was groovy. She danced to “Shadows of the Night” in the school talent show the year I did “Gloria” by Laura Branigan with a bunch of my friends. She always had this sort of older than her years vibe. And now she’s this beautiful blonde woman who lives with her family in Orange County. And kind of the same girl. Just sweet and down to earth.
We had a great time. Although a few friends couldn’t make it. But to catch up with this group of friends in their late 30s, like I am…it was a good trip down memory lane. They always remind me that I’ve got another family of people who knew me when I was a little kid. They knew me before I took off to high school in LA, before I went to Santa Clara and decided to become a playwright, and before I moved to New York and went to graduate school. They knew me before all of that. They knew the shy, insecure kid. Or the kid who felt shy and insecure. It’s funny how everyone remembers me differently. Niki said I always had a confidence about me. Maybe that’s what people didn’t like about me. I was blatantly flamboyant and didn’t have any shame about it. Niki also said that I was way more butch now than I was when we were kids. And this is what made Nora cry. I am finally at peace with my masculinity. I was never going to measure up and be “a man.” I could only be myself. And now myself is a confident man who has lived a life, has run a marathon, has had sex with other men. I’m more in touch with my masculinity because it’s not about trying to pretend to be something I’m not. I’m absolutely who I am all of the time and that seems to be assertive and seems to be masculine. Which I guess translates into butch. But it’s no longer being victim to how people treated me and called me horrible names as a child.
So, suffice to say that it was nice to be reminded that you can go home again and see the people who watched you grow up before their very eyes.
The night started out as a bit of a mess because the place we wanted to do it at was busy for some fight that was being telecast. So we went over to the local BJs and found a lovely table outside where we could be to ourselves. And the evening did not disappoint. I always enjoy seeing my friend Nora, who like me, was a bit of a shy person growing up and then blossomed into someone much more social. Yes, she’s got tattoos and a wild streak…and I’m pretty much the same way without the tattoos. I was telling a story about growing up and having to face a lot of bullying. The story started to make her emotional. Partially because she felt bad for me as a kid. But I think it also made her cry because she identifies with how crappy grade school was for some of us. It’s hard when people refuse to see you for who you think you really are or who you’re going to be.
My friend Kathleen is a wonder. She’s got this tough edge, she’s had some rough times in her life, but what has always shone through is how loyal she is. And funny. She was always hilarious, even growing up. She was never a mean girl, but she was incredibly popular. She’s an unforgettable character because she’s so honest and so outspoken and so funny all at the same time. It’s hard to describe her here because she’s pretty unique.
I have to say that I was really looking forward to seeing my friend, Niki. Niki always seemed cooler to me than the other kids in a certain way. Part of that had to do with the fact that she was Korean being raised by a white mother. And part of it had to do with the fact that she was only in our Fourth Grade class and then skipped to the Sixth Grade, I believe. But she was groovy. She danced to “Shadows of the Night” in the school talent show the year I did “Gloria” by Laura Branigan with a bunch of my friends. She always had this sort of older than her years vibe. And now she’s this beautiful blonde woman who lives with her family in Orange County. And kind of the same girl. Just sweet and down to earth.
We had a great time. Although a few friends couldn’t make it. But to catch up with this group of friends in their late 30s, like I am…it was a good trip down memory lane. They always remind me that I’ve got another family of people who knew me when I was a little kid. They knew me before I took off to high school in LA, before I went to Santa Clara and decided to become a playwright, and before I moved to New York and went to graduate school. They knew me before all of that. They knew the shy, insecure kid. Or the kid who felt shy and insecure. It’s funny how everyone remembers me differently. Niki said I always had a confidence about me. Maybe that’s what people didn’t like about me. I was blatantly flamboyant and didn’t have any shame about it. Niki also said that I was way more butch now than I was when we were kids. And this is what made Nora cry. I am finally at peace with my masculinity. I was never going to measure up and be “a man.” I could only be myself. And now myself is a confident man who has lived a life, has run a marathon, has had sex with other men. I’m more in touch with my masculinity because it’s not about trying to pretend to be something I’m not. I’m absolutely who I am all of the time and that seems to be assertive and seems to be masculine. Which I guess translates into butch. But it’s no longer being victim to how people treated me and called me horrible names as a child.
So, suffice to say that it was nice to be reminded that you can go home again and see the people who watched you grow up before their very eyes.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Back from Vacay (Again)
I just got back from a week in Portland visiting my brother and his family. I was out there for a theatre festival and to just hang with my beautiful niece and her baby brother who's still baking in the oven.
Spending family time and theatre time was a great way for me to just get myself re-calibrated for my upcoming teaching stint and to have a productive Fall of writing.
I've been mainly focused on setting up my class and sending out submissions and I haven't done much writing. But that's all right. I will get writing done once classes start next week.
I'm going to spend the time in Santa Clara going to theatre, teaching and working out. Then the weekends are going to be about writing and the Drummer (who, by the way, is officially the Boyfriend - but I'm going to continue to refer to him as the Drummer and sometimes the Drummer Boyfriend).
I need to divide my life up so that I'm getting all of my goals accomplished in the next 10 weeks.
The Portland trip was good because I got to eat my face off - I need to drop some serious lbs before The Drummer Boyfriend gets back from Wisconsin next week. I've got a week to get myself into tip top shape. And that's just for myself. Which is exactly who it should be for.
I am not giving up my single body just because I'm dating someone. And neither should he...and I don't think he has the intention to do that either. We are both our own people and need to keep our identity.
Despite the fact that we both like each other so much we want to eat the other's face off.
I have a lot of writing to do in the next few months before the end of the year. I've got this new play to finish soon so that I can get to work on this new screenplay I want to write. And I have to figure out a new one hour drama to write. Not sure if I'm going to pick up and try to work out my art thieves drama or not. I have to find a good story to make it fun, sexy and worthwhile.
I've done a lot of writing this year so far. I finished a play. I wrote five or six drafts of the pilot. I'm finishing another play. I'm writing my face off. And I'm hoping the teaching schedule will just make me more disciplined. I also have this other play I want to workshop with students, which might take up some time.
As always, I want to get a shitload of things done. But I work best when I work a lot. And since my schedule is my own, everything can be focused on all of this theatre work I'm generating.
So the vacay did the trick. I'm refreshed and ready to take on the Fall. I'm also ready to have lots of hot sex with my hot boyfriend. He really is a fine man. And possibly the sweetest individual ever. He really does have a wonderful heart and reminds me that I should be leading with MY heart at all times. I have a big heart too, but sometimes I get caught up in being so tough or so aggressive. It's nice to just be who I am and to let that light shine though.
I'm happy that he's in Wisconsin with his family, but I can't wait until I get to be naked with him again soon, wrapped up in his body.
But in the mean time, I have plenty to do. The past two weeks of vacay have been wonderful. And the next ten weeks (with some breaks for a SF weekend and maybe an NYC trip) will be equally wonderful as well.
Ready to take it on. Very excited to reconnect with some friends from college. It's going to be an awesome Fall.
Spending family time and theatre time was a great way for me to just get myself re-calibrated for my upcoming teaching stint and to have a productive Fall of writing.
I've been mainly focused on setting up my class and sending out submissions and I haven't done much writing. But that's all right. I will get writing done once classes start next week.
I'm going to spend the time in Santa Clara going to theatre, teaching and working out. Then the weekends are going to be about writing and the Drummer (who, by the way, is officially the Boyfriend - but I'm going to continue to refer to him as the Drummer and sometimes the Drummer Boyfriend).
I need to divide my life up so that I'm getting all of my goals accomplished in the next 10 weeks.
The Portland trip was good because I got to eat my face off - I need to drop some serious lbs before The Drummer Boyfriend gets back from Wisconsin next week. I've got a week to get myself into tip top shape. And that's just for myself. Which is exactly who it should be for.
I am not giving up my single body just because I'm dating someone. And neither should he...and I don't think he has the intention to do that either. We are both our own people and need to keep our identity.
Despite the fact that we both like each other so much we want to eat the other's face off.
I have a lot of writing to do in the next few months before the end of the year. I've got this new play to finish soon so that I can get to work on this new screenplay I want to write. And I have to figure out a new one hour drama to write. Not sure if I'm going to pick up and try to work out my art thieves drama or not. I have to find a good story to make it fun, sexy and worthwhile.
I've done a lot of writing this year so far. I finished a play. I wrote five or six drafts of the pilot. I'm finishing another play. I'm writing my face off. And I'm hoping the teaching schedule will just make me more disciplined. I also have this other play I want to workshop with students, which might take up some time.
As always, I want to get a shitload of things done. But I work best when I work a lot. And since my schedule is my own, everything can be focused on all of this theatre work I'm generating.
So the vacay did the trick. I'm refreshed and ready to take on the Fall. I'm also ready to have lots of hot sex with my hot boyfriend. He really is a fine man. And possibly the sweetest individual ever. He really does have a wonderful heart and reminds me that I should be leading with MY heart at all times. I have a big heart too, but sometimes I get caught up in being so tough or so aggressive. It's nice to just be who I am and to let that light shine though.
I'm happy that he's in Wisconsin with his family, but I can't wait until I get to be naked with him again soon, wrapped up in his body.
But in the mean time, I have plenty to do. The past two weeks of vacay have been wonderful. And the next ten weeks (with some breaks for a SF weekend and maybe an NYC trip) will be equally wonderful as well.
Ready to take it on. Very excited to reconnect with some friends from college. It's going to be an awesome Fall.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Back from Vacay
I was just away in the Mountains with The Drummer and his band for the past four days. And what do I do to relax? I head to Starbucks in the air conditioning and I'm listening to last week's THE A LIST while I'm blogging. So relaxing...
The mountains, the mountains...
This is what's great about The Drummer. He's relaxed and kind. As sweet and honest and open as he is, he's also a total tiger in the bedroom. I just like being with him. I question it in my own mind because it's somewhat unexpected. And I'm not used that sort of unguarded care in relationships.
Quick sidebar: My Ex (not the last one) called me over the weekend. Saying he needed to talk. Then he sent a weird text asking how I was. Then I called him today on my way home after our weekend away and it was mindblowing what has been going on. He was the first boyfriend I had who had a real issue with alcohol. There were jealousy issues all around and although I really cared for him, it just wasn't right for us to be together. And he never could get over the fact that I flirted with boys. He's the reason I tell all future suitors that I like to make out with other dudes because it bit me in the ass here.
Then I find out that my Other Ex is back on the sauce, was arrested for stealing a car while he was drunk and has tried to kill himself twice. I listened. But I just couldn't muster up the words, "Call me if you need anything." Because I don't want him to. I tried to save one person in my life from addiction and now...it's just too painful. I wish him the best and I encouraged him to get some help. But that's all I can do. I don't know why he was reaching out to me. I don't want to turn my back on someone, but I can't take that on. I have had two very important people in my life kill themselves. But this guy doesn't want to do the work to help himself. I'm dealing with a father who's severely depressed and also physically ill and won't help himself. I can pray for him and wish him the best, but he's got to pull himself out of his own mess. I think about the person he was when we were together and I can't imagine this is what his life is about now.
So I tell that story because it was another reminder that I could have that to deal with. I could be in a relationship with someone who I feel I need to help at every turn. The Drummer and I had this wonderful conversation on the way back from Huntington Lake. And the gist of it was about this: You have to be your own person and come together with someone else. You can't complete each other. And as I admitted to him, that was a lesson that I fought hard to learn.
we just had this quiet, honest conversation on our way back. That's the other thing I really like. WE TALK. A LOT. Maybe too much for some people. But not me. I love to talk about things. I like to be honest. I like to get it all out on the table. I like to say things like, "I really like where this is going." And "I'm so attracted to you." It's what's charming about him. We can have a quiet conversation about things where he just reminds me what a salt of the earth person he is. And then we have amazing, ass-busting sex. Then we cuddle. It's like a buffet of the greatest hits of the things I like in a relationship made with only the best quality ingredients. It's awesome.
And we say AWESOME a lot because it happens to be a favorite word of both of ours. And yes, I know how sick and sweet that sounds. I'm sorry. But it takes my breath away that it's eight weeks in and here's where we are.
I'm reluctant to say that I'm in love or to say I have a boyfriend. Why is that? I think that goes back to the fact that it seems like this has happened so quickly. But what I have to remind myself is that it's been EIGHT WEEKS and we only see each other once or twice a week. That's healthy. And that's not necessitated by anything other than schedule. And I don't feel like I have to be up on his jock for him to know or for me to know that I seriously care about him. And I'm just trying to go with what I feel. I don't have to proclaim it to other people so that I prove to them that I'm happy or that I'm okay or that I'm moving on. I know what I feel and the fact that I know is satisfying enough to me. And he knows. And I've slipped a few times and referred to him as my boyfriend. That's okay. It's okay to say it or to not say it. We feel close.
And I'm not proclaiming shit on Facebook. Not now. Only the friends I chat with on the phone or email regularly and who I want to know know. Everyone else doesn't have to know that I care about someone on a status update. I'm taking a vow not to put personal things on FB. I can rant, I can put great quotes, but I'm not proclaiming that I have someone significant in my life on FB. I'm learning to cherish things for me. I don't hide details of my life, but I don't feel like I need to proclaim for the sake of proclaiming. Announcements are a bit too casual for me on FB. I don't really trust this way of communicating anymore. It's great to get a quick sample of what friends are up to, but it's not a way to foster and nourish friendships.
And now that I'm back from vacation, I've got two days to do some work prepping my class. And I've got some play submissions to get out as well as just some catching up with friends to do before I start the Fall and start teaching. I'm going to try and nurture my friendships in the Bay Area while I'm out there. I have two friends I miss a lot that I want to see and spend as much time with as I can. My friends Veronica from college and my friend Bill who I've known for a few years. I adore him. I want to try to reconnect a bit since I haven't seen him in a few years.
There's a lot to do before my next vacay, which starts in two days. And it's more of a family time/working vacation. I'm going to an arts festival in Portland. I'm going to nourish my theatre soul. And I can't wait for that. Because it includes time with my favorite two year old, my niece. And my brother and his family, which includes a new little nephew who's making his debut in 2012. I'm nourishing my soul in a lot of ways these days and I couldn't be happier about that. Because my soul fuels my work and I've got a lot of work to do now and in 2012. I'm ready to get the shiz done.
The mountains, the mountains...
This is what's great about The Drummer. He's relaxed and kind. As sweet and honest and open as he is, he's also a total tiger in the bedroom. I just like being with him. I question it in my own mind because it's somewhat unexpected. And I'm not used that sort of unguarded care in relationships.
Quick sidebar: My Ex (not the last one) called me over the weekend. Saying he needed to talk. Then he sent a weird text asking how I was. Then I called him today on my way home after our weekend away and it was mindblowing what has been going on. He was the first boyfriend I had who had a real issue with alcohol. There were jealousy issues all around and although I really cared for him, it just wasn't right for us to be together. And he never could get over the fact that I flirted with boys. He's the reason I tell all future suitors that I like to make out with other dudes because it bit me in the ass here.
Then I find out that my Other Ex is back on the sauce, was arrested for stealing a car while he was drunk and has tried to kill himself twice. I listened. But I just couldn't muster up the words, "Call me if you need anything." Because I don't want him to. I tried to save one person in my life from addiction and now...it's just too painful. I wish him the best and I encouraged him to get some help. But that's all I can do. I don't know why he was reaching out to me. I don't want to turn my back on someone, but I can't take that on. I have had two very important people in my life kill themselves. But this guy doesn't want to do the work to help himself. I'm dealing with a father who's severely depressed and also physically ill and won't help himself. I can pray for him and wish him the best, but he's got to pull himself out of his own mess. I think about the person he was when we were together and I can't imagine this is what his life is about now.
So I tell that story because it was another reminder that I could have that to deal with. I could be in a relationship with someone who I feel I need to help at every turn. The Drummer and I had this wonderful conversation on the way back from Huntington Lake. And the gist of it was about this: You have to be your own person and come together with someone else. You can't complete each other. And as I admitted to him, that was a lesson that I fought hard to learn.
we just had this quiet, honest conversation on our way back. That's the other thing I really like. WE TALK. A LOT. Maybe too much for some people. But not me. I love to talk about things. I like to be honest. I like to get it all out on the table. I like to say things like, "I really like where this is going." And "I'm so attracted to you." It's what's charming about him. We can have a quiet conversation about things where he just reminds me what a salt of the earth person he is. And then we have amazing, ass-busting sex. Then we cuddle. It's like a buffet of the greatest hits of the things I like in a relationship made with only the best quality ingredients. It's awesome.
And we say AWESOME a lot because it happens to be a favorite word of both of ours. And yes, I know how sick and sweet that sounds. I'm sorry. But it takes my breath away that it's eight weeks in and here's where we are.
I'm reluctant to say that I'm in love or to say I have a boyfriend. Why is that? I think that goes back to the fact that it seems like this has happened so quickly. But what I have to remind myself is that it's been EIGHT WEEKS and we only see each other once or twice a week. That's healthy. And that's not necessitated by anything other than schedule. And I don't feel like I have to be up on his jock for him to know or for me to know that I seriously care about him. And I'm just trying to go with what I feel. I don't have to proclaim it to other people so that I prove to them that I'm happy or that I'm okay or that I'm moving on. I know what I feel and the fact that I know is satisfying enough to me. And he knows. And I've slipped a few times and referred to him as my boyfriend. That's okay. It's okay to say it or to not say it. We feel close.
And I'm not proclaiming shit on Facebook. Not now. Only the friends I chat with on the phone or email regularly and who I want to know know. Everyone else doesn't have to know that I care about someone on a status update. I'm taking a vow not to put personal things on FB. I can rant, I can put great quotes, but I'm not proclaiming that I have someone significant in my life on FB. I'm learning to cherish things for me. I don't hide details of my life, but I don't feel like I need to proclaim for the sake of proclaiming. Announcements are a bit too casual for me on FB. I don't really trust this way of communicating anymore. It's great to get a quick sample of what friends are up to, but it's not a way to foster and nourish friendships.
And now that I'm back from vacation, I've got two days to do some work prepping my class. And I've got some play submissions to get out as well as just some catching up with friends to do before I start the Fall and start teaching. I'm going to try and nurture my friendships in the Bay Area while I'm out there. I have two friends I miss a lot that I want to see and spend as much time with as I can. My friends Veronica from college and my friend Bill who I've known for a few years. I adore him. I want to try to reconnect a bit since I haven't seen him in a few years.
There's a lot to do before my next vacay, which starts in two days. And it's more of a family time/working vacation. I'm going to an arts festival in Portland. I'm going to nourish my theatre soul. And I can't wait for that. Because it includes time with my favorite two year old, my niece. And my brother and his family, which includes a new little nephew who's making his debut in 2012. I'm nourishing my soul in a lot of ways these days and I couldn't be happier about that. Because my soul fuels my work and I've got a lot of work to do now and in 2012. I'm ready to get the shiz done.
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