Hey Old Friends

On Saturday night, I had my annual reunion with my grade school friends in my hometown of Downey. Through the wonders of Facebook, we had gotten in touch with each other a couple of years ago and decided to start getting together. The first year we got together, there were about six of us. Then those guys came over to my house for a St. Patrick’s Day Party that my ex and I threw every year. Then last year, we ventured to Anaheim for a larger reunion with our grade school pals. So after I had gotten back in touch with my friend Kathleen earlier this year, we decided that it would be good to get the gang together again for this sort of Third Annual gathering.

The night started out as a bit of a mess because the place we wanted to do it at was busy for some fight that was being telecast. So we went over to the local BJs and found a lovely table outside where we could be to ourselves. And the evening did not disappoint. I always enjoy seeing my friend Nora, who like me, was a bit of a shy person growing up and then blossomed into someone much more social. Yes, she’s got tattoos and a wild streak…and I’m pretty much the same way without the tattoos. I was telling a story about growing up and having to face a lot of bullying. The story started to make her emotional. Partially because she felt bad for me as a kid. But I think it also made her cry because she identifies with how crappy grade school was for some of us. It’s hard when people refuse to see you for who you think you really are or who you’re going to be.

My friend Kathleen is a wonder. She’s got this tough edge, she’s had some rough times in her life, but what has always shone through is how loyal she is. And funny. She was always hilarious, even growing up. She was never a mean girl, but she was incredibly popular. She’s an unforgettable character because she’s so honest and so outspoken and so funny all at the same time. It’s hard to describe her here because she’s pretty unique.

I have to say that I was really looking forward to seeing my friend, Niki. Niki always seemed cooler to me than the other kids in a certain way. Part of that had to do with the fact that she was Korean being raised by a white mother. And part of it had to do with the fact that she was only in our Fourth Grade class and then skipped to the Sixth Grade, I believe. But she was groovy. She danced to “Shadows of the Night” in the school talent show the year I did “Gloria” by Laura Branigan with a bunch of my friends. She always had this sort of older than her years vibe. And now she’s this beautiful blonde woman who lives with her family in Orange County. And kind of the same girl. Just sweet and down to earth.

We had a great time. Although a few friends couldn’t make it. But to catch up with this group of friends in their late 30s, like I am…it was a good trip down memory lane. They always remind me that I’ve got another family of people who knew me when I was a little kid. They knew me before I took off to high school in LA, before I went to Santa Clara and decided to become a playwright, and before I moved to New York and went to graduate school. They knew me before all of that. They knew the shy, insecure kid. Or the kid who felt shy and insecure. It’s funny how everyone remembers me differently. Niki said I always had a confidence about me. Maybe that’s what people didn’t like about me. I was blatantly flamboyant and didn’t have any shame about it. Niki also said that I was way more butch now than I was when we were kids. And this is what made Nora cry. I am finally at peace with my masculinity. I was never going to measure up and be “a man.” I could only be myself. And now myself is a confident man who has lived a life, has run a marathon, has had sex with other men. I’m more in touch with my masculinity because it’s not about trying to pretend to be something I’m not. I’m absolutely who I am all of the time and that seems to be assertive and seems to be masculine. Which I guess translates into butch. But it’s no longer being victim to how people treated me and called me horrible names as a child.

So, suffice to say that it was nice to be reminded that you can go home again and see the people who watched you grow up before their very eyes.