I'm re-posting here the Review and Plan I put on my Facebook at the end of last year. Just to reiterate and to put it out there yet again.
This year, I didn't really make any New Years Resolutions because so much of my life had changed in the two months prior to the New Year. My five year relationship ended and I was in the middle of rebuilding my life. I was about to start a new job...I had ended a long time working relationship as well.
This year has brought about tremendous change. I had a great job working for the producers of EDEN, a USA pilot that didn't go to series. But it taught me so much about what I am capable of and what I had been holding back. Then I decided to collect unemployment, take the rest of the year off to write and regroup, and see where that took me. But I treat my unemployment as an award, a fellowship, and once I made the decision to go to Portland to see my brother's family, to go to NYC to book a play reading, and to reach out to Santa Clara to see if I could do a workshop for their students...something miraculous happened. I originally was going to SCU to sub for a professor who had to miss a class. When it turned out that he had to bow out for the whole Fall, I was the person they asked to teach Playwriting that term. And that decision changed a lot for me. It gave me the confidence to step out as an authority in my field and I know that change will reverberate throughout 2012.
So here we are on the brink of 2012. And this year I will not really make any resolutions, but I will have a plan for 2012. And to hold myself accountable and to say it out loud, I'm putting it on Facebook.
This year I will...
continue to write plays - because writing plays make me happy. They challenge my mind and my spirit. I started writing very young as a way to express how I see the world. That hasn't changed, but the very honorable goal of trying to make a living in the entertainment industry has sometimes gotten in the way. But that will lead to the next thing...
I will be clearer in my goals for my writing. I know that TV will be a part of my future. But I have to be clear about what I want. My writing has to be clearer and more intentional. I was writing from a place of not totally buying that I am talented, knowledegable and capable enough to stand firm in my ability to tell stories. And having taught this year, I know how capable I am. In order to teach something, you have to know it. Someone very special to me said to me that teaching only reinforces what you already know and that teaching would make me a better writer.
This coming year, I'm ready to see that come to fruition and show itself in my achievement of serious professional goals. I feel like I planted a lot of seeds in 2011 and in 2012, those seeds are going to bear fruit. But I have to continue to fertilize and tend to what I have planted.
Something shifted this year. My friend Dave called it Loo-thousand-eleven and I really took that to heart. I no longer am in the shadows of what other people know or what my inadequacies are. I live in the light of the things I know to be true and my own authority. Teaching really gave that to me in a big way. And I hope to continue learning to be a better teacher.
But it's not just about teaching for me. It's about continuing to do. It's about giving myself the opportunity to better myself. It's about delivering the best me to myself and to my loved ones and colleagues. I am learning every day how to be a kinder, more compassionate person of my work.
I want to do more mentoring. Whether that's teaching at the university level, whether that's reconnecting with my high school and offering my knowledge to its current students in some way, visiting current Jesuit Volunteers whenever I'm in Portland or talking to the parents of an eighth grader from my hometown who are considering the value of spending $14K a year on a high school education and figuring out how to get their son to Venice Blvd, between Normandie and Vermont every day. If that's the way that I can do more social service, then I am happy to do so.
This coming year will be about being more productive, continuing to get deeper spiritually...but I also want to look as good as I feel. I'm happy to be fit and healthy. But I also want to look hot. It's not just about having someone to look good for, but it's about looking in the mirror and knowing that what you look like reflects your discipline, dedication, hard work and personal value. And if that means six pack abs, then that means six pack abs.
But with my father getting sick this year, I do understand the value of health. And I will be more active so that I can be mentally sharp, physically strong and capable for as long as God blesses me with life on this earth. I would like to do another marathon. It's about time.
I will be more dedicated to my family, respectful of my loved ones and appreciative of all they bring to me. I have met someone who has taught me that it's not about being edgy to show that you're someone worth being respected, but it's about being kind. And I will be kind as much as possible every day.
So that's my plan. It's not bullet pointed. It's not in outline form. It's specific without being detailed because I want to allow the room for God to come in and decide to give me more than what I asked for. I am surrendering to him and his desires for me because it really is like Oprah says (like so many things are), "God has a bigger dream than you can dream for yourself."
The plan is to let him dream the dream, but to keep moving in a forward direction.
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