Cleanse 2012: Day Seven

So it's the end of the first week of the cleanse. My last day to have chicken, soy, sugar, wheat, and anything fried before I have to give them up for week two. But thank God I still get seafood for one more week.

Today was good in terms of the cleanse. I woke up and went to two farmer's markets to get some veggies and herbs. I actually should probably do a roasted carrots and beet thing this week. I love roasted veggies.

Then I went to the gym. I sweated a lot. But ran into my friend Nicole and got interrupted, so I'll go back to the gym tomorrow.

I did check my weight and I lost three pounds. I'm out of the 180s, which is a good thing. That's just too big for me. I do feel lighter. I can tell when my body is just more bloated.

I had the whole day to myself and I watched the Golden Globes. The Drummer was at a show and watched the Packers game on DVR. I cleaned the place up a bit. Domestic.

I don't know how comfortable I am with that. I kind of felt like I cleaned the place up for "my man." And that felt a little subservient to me. I could kind of say "get over it", but that's how I felt.

This relationship is still an adjustment on a lot of ways. I'm hyper aware of making the same mistakes I made with the Ex. He's not like the ex in so many ways, but I think that's still part of my healing that needs to happen. I think I should have spent more time running errands instead of just staying home and watching the Globes. But that's on me. That's not part of his deal at all. It just felt like I fell back on familiar patterns in a way.

I ran his damaged cell phone to the UPS and I texted him that I had done it. I had to deposit a check for him this weekend, while he was out of town. It felt all a bit wife-ish and not in a comfortable way. I didn't mind doing any of that and it's not like he expects me to do that stuff. But it's also a different angle for me--that I don't take pride in doing that sort of stuff for my guy. I don't mind it, but it no longer defines me as a supportive partner that I cleaned the kitchen and bathroom, took out the trash, dropped off his phone, deposited his check and got receipts for everything.

Okay, maybe it bothers me a bit.

But I'm here to cleanse. So I need to get those toxins out as well.

At the end of this first week of cleansing, I rebelled. But I also realize that I need to have a better game plan so I don't fall off the wagon. And I need to have a schedule for myself that's separate from what the boyfriend is doing. Also, it doesn't need to work around his schedule ahead of working for my own schedule. I can make a plan and let the boyfriend know about it and have him work around me. Or at least have a discussion and compromise. That wouldn't be a bad thing either.

See? I am making some changes in the way I think.