The Blog Entry Hopefully No One Will Read

This is the one where I talk about wanting to throw in the towel.
Maybe that's because I haven't eaten in six hours.
Maybe that's because I need a nap.
Maybe it's because my boyfriend's out of town and I had to sleep alone last night.
And I got up at 5:30 AM.
And was up for four hours until I was able to nap until 11 AM.
Maybe it's because I'm broke.
Maybe it's because my mother's drama is overtaking my life.
Maybe it's because I have a play I need to edit and I can't bring myself to do it.
Maybe it's because I yelled at an unlicensed contractor on Monday and had an irrational fear that he was going to come after me and gay bash me.
Maybe it's because my Dad's dead.
Maybe it's because I've been at this for ten years.
Maybe it's because I'm seeing the success other people are having around me and I'm jealous.
Maybe it's because I'm tired.
Of trying.
Maybe it's because so many things are out of my control.
Maybe it's because this blog is the only thing I seem to be able to write these days.
And that's after five other attempts to do a blog entry this month.
Maybe I need to cry more.
Maybe I've cried too much and I need to toughen up.
Maybe I need to eat.
Maybe I need to get fucked again like I was the other night before my boyfriend left down.
Maybe other huge gay victory needs to happen so my boyfriend and I can fuck again to celebrate.
(NOTE: We had sex after the Supreme Court struck down DOMA and Prop 8)
Maybe I just need to relax.
And call friends.
And just remember that this will pass like all of the other times.
Maybe I should just trust myself and remember that when I am able to write again, it will be great.
I'm not Fran Liebowitz.