But my eyes water and get wet. Usually, I attribute it to being tired in the morning. But this morning, I had a deep meditation and tears were streaming down my face. I don't feel sad. I don't feel depressed or emotional. But my eyes get wet and eventually there are tears.
Today the tears were flowing. And I started asking myself why. I think that meditation is my one time during the day where I completely release. The work I have been doing has been emotional. I'm transcribing an old play of mine that I didn't have in the proper format which is also about my family. My body is just letting the emotions flow out. It's a good thing. It's natural, which is evidenced by the fact that the tears just flow without effort or emotion behind them.
Today's centering thought of my meditation was the following:
My Life Energy Organizes My Life Effortlessly
And today's meditation was about Activating Power. I feel like this was the perfect meditation for me this morning. I have become more familiar and used to my Power over the past year or so. Before I used to give my Power up and let other people take the lead. Or I used to let what other people said about me affect me negatively. I needed that validation. Now I am learning to let go of that need for validation and I am claiming my Power. I am claiming the force it has, the effect it has on other people and my ability to harness it. I have lived my life knowing I have Power within and being afraid of it. I am not afraid of it any more. I am excited by its great light. I am honored to have this Power within me. My tarot card reading said that having this Power, sharing this Power, and living this Power is a responsibility. I am finally ready to fully take on the responsibility. That is the only way truly life changing events can occur in my life. If I run away from that responsibility, how can I reap the benefits that my Life Energy affords me. It's all there. It's like the equity in a home. I can only benefit from it if I use it.
And this Power has been building equity ever since I was born. I have used some of it from time to time, but I have built up enough that I can harness that Power and put it to work for me.
I find it interesting that my meditations regularly involve tears and vulnerability. And that I have this Power that I am accessing. Strength is Vulnerability. I don't know how it could be any clearer.
I am taking today to just be. I am drinking tea. Writing this blog. I will go shower shortly. I am spending time quietly. Maybe I'll meditate more before the day gets started. Then I am taking the boyfriend to the airport. And I think I might go to the spa and sit in quiet for awhile as well.
The Universe has been asking me to slow down since yesterday. I woke up and went to go get gas at Costco. I drove all the way from my friend's house in Laurel Canyon to Burbank. Then the entire gas station was closed. I remember thinking that it was a waste of time initially. Then I decided to enjoy the drive, which was out of my way. I still had to get gas, so I stopped at a gas station I know near my house. It took me awhile to merge back into traffic and get to the gym to do a short workout.
I didn't realize it at the time, but the Universe was already telling me that this wasn't going to be the day I expected. So I went to the office. Dealt with some issues there. Meditated about mentorship. Got a phone call from a woman who might be a mentor for me according to my latest tarot reading. Great sign of meditation in action. Then when I felt like I wasn't getting any work done, my desk collapsed to let me know that work wasn't going to happen today. I had to drive back to Burbank to the IKEA there to get my replacement parts for my desk that bent when the desk collapsed. I live in Burbank and had to go there twice randomly that didn't involve me going home. So maybe there's another message about focusing on my home life that the Universe was trying to send me as well.
So eventually I came back to my friend's house where I'm staying and just laid down. I was exhausted from the day, but also exhausted from all the work I've been doing on this screenplay for five weeks straight. I wasn't honoring my body by resting. So I did that. And I am going to continue to do that today. I need to respect what my body is telling me. It needs rest. My mind needs rest. I need to refill my tank and let inspiration come. I need to be around friends, which I was able to do last night with my playwrights group. I need to be embraced by people who care about me and understand me.
There are more battles ahead in this war, but for the time being, I need to rest and recoup.
I am grateful for sleep.
I am grateful for entertaining videos on You Tube.
I am grateful for food.
I am grateful for my meditation practice.
I am grateful for laughs.
I am grateful for time together with people I like and respect.
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