My friend Dave has been a spiritual advisor, friend and confidante since I was fifteen years old. That is a long time. He was my theology professor in high school and he knows my progression as a person better than almost anyone outside of my brother and my best friend Alanna. So I called him earlier today because we haven't talked in a while and I wanted to see if he was going to be out in LA for the holidays (he grew up here). Even though he won't be out here until after the New Year, I wanted to fill him in about what's going on with me and this job search.
I told him about the three different opportunities that I've put myself up for. And Dave had different advice than anyone I've spoken to. My recent tarot card reading said that an older man might be important to me. Dave definitely is important to me in a lot of ways. I value his opinion and advisement about everything. He told me that the PSU position could be a smaller opportunity and that if I want to establish myself in a larger way in academia that the University of Iowa job might be where I want to put my focus. And that the job at Emory could be good, but that I want to look beyond the two years of the Fellowship. His concern is that I don't take advantage of my time now as a vibrant, youthful force. Right now, I'm desirable to institutions because I have the right combination of youth and experience. In three to five years, I might just seem old and relegated to the adjunct faculty. This is my time to make a move if I want a serious position in academia.
Dave is usually a very gentle guiding force. This conversation was pointed and exact. He said that he wants to make sure I didn't make the mistakes he made when he started teaching on the University level. His points that I should get on the tenure track now if I want a serious academic role. And that seems to be where I get scared. I think I want to be a working artist, rather than a full fledged professor. Dave's point is that if I don't get serious about it, I won't have a choice and eventually those working artist opportunities and so will the tenure track ones.
I appreciate Dave's advice because no one is giving me that kind of dead serious life advice. I value his judgment and his experience. I do have to decide if his advice is the right advice for me. I think it's very good advice and I think the validity of the advice hedges on whether or not I am entering into full-blown professorhood. Right now, I've been content to dip my foot in and to think on a micro level rather than on the macro level that Dave is talking about. He doesn't want my options to run out.
Here's another opportunity to declare what I want and to get specific about it. But his point is well taken. It just scares the fuck out of me.
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