You're Living the Life You Want

That's what my therapist said today during our session.

He also said: "So what do you want?  A few extra dollars to by a few extra things?  A bigger car?"

To which I replied: "Yeah...?"

He told me that I already have everything I need.  Am I living the life I want to?  Am I making the choices I want to?

"You don't sound unemployed," he said.

"I don't feel unemployed.  I'm busy.  I've got a lot going on.  I'm productive."

"It sounds good."

It took me a second to think about that.  I nodded.  "Yeah, it does."  How about that?

I countered.  "I still have student loans."

He waved me off.  "You'll get that taken care of."

Wait.  All of my anxiety, all of my worry, all of my self-judgment...gone with the wave of a hand?  Is it that easy.  My therapist would say that it is that easy.

"You've got it."

And it's funny.  I do.  I have been calling this life I've been leading a template for the life I want to live. But I'm in it.  Yes, I could use a bigger car and a nicer place to live and some extra ducets.  And I will get those, but only by living the life I want to be living.  I don't have a job I hate that I've been in for too long or a relationship I feel trapped by that I've been in for too long.  I'm living the life I want.

Bears repeating: I'm living the life I want.  Period.  No "but."  I have a man I love who respects me, who gives me good lovin', who is kind, smart, delicious, fun, passionate and talented.  I'm writing plays constantly.  I have work that keeps me engaged and excited.  I have family and a personal life.

So all I have to do is keep going.  It's only as hard as I choose it to be.

I like the sound of that.