Let It Go (Reprise)

Just when I thought I had learned it...

I have been stuck for the past...while.  Not sure if it's days or weeks or months.  But I have been stuck.  I am trying to work on this rewrite.  I wrote 86 pages.  Then had a conversation with my best friend.  Then had a conversation with my director.  And then other life shit happened, but I haven't really written much on this in almost a month.  Ugh.  I hate it.

I hate feeling unproductive.
I hate feeling like I'm making promises to my director and then not pulling through.  We were supposed to do some sort of workshop this month.  That's not happening.
I almost feel like I had a plan worked out: go and teach for a year.  Then it didn't happen.  And while I felt like I had to just pick up and move onto the next thing, I haven't been able to do that.
Why I feel like I'm above procrastination, I don't know.  That's what writers do.
But I have to let it go.
I'm not teaching.
They didn't want me.
They're dumb, but they didn't want me.
The guy isn't going to get sick and I'm not going to get an emergency phone call in August that says they want me to fill in for him. Again.
Don't just work on this new play to distract yourself until that phone call comes.
It's not coming.
Work on the new play.
Why?
Because it needs work.
Work on the next play because you promised it to someone.
Work on the TV pitch ideas you have because you want meetings.
Work on the sketch ideas and film them because you want to spend time laughing with your best friend about the way you grew up.
Work because you like to work.
Not because it's distracting you from the thing you felt was unfairly not handed to you.
Get over it.
It didn't happen.
You can write every day.
You can finish this play.
And the sketches.
And the next play.
Then maybe write a new play for that Clubbed Thumb commission.
Meanwhile, you'll be going to the JAW West festival in Portland because you happen to be there that weekend.
Go walk around Portland.
Go show your boyfriend around.
And bring your lap top.
Write.
Visit.
Drink.  Laugh.  Be.
Just don't think you're biding your time until you get that phone call.
It's over.
Surrender to it.
Don't focus on what you don't have.
Focus on what you do.
Simple, easy advice.
Now take it!