Okay, so now for a light bit of sharing (aka gossip). The Drummer and the Ex just met each other a few weeks ago at LA Gay Pride. Being completely honest, I have thought about how this meeting would go SEVERAL times over the past two years. When I say several, I probably really mean hundreds.
I had gotten an invite to a friend's annual Pride Brunch. This was a brunch that I went to every year when I was with The Ex. We had a blast. Lots of vodka. Then we would all head to the parade and eventually all lose each other and have stories of our "lost Pride Sunday" to share the next time that we would find ourselves in the same room together. Obviously, I hadn't been invited back since the Ex and I broke up. This was his friend and I totally get it.
But this year, I got an invite. And I thought, "Why the hell not?" Enough time had passed and honestly, I thought that it was high time these two met. I wasn't going to be fearful about how it was going to go down. So The Drummer and I went with another friend of ours. He wasn't there when we arrived. So I just headed straight to the vodka and we all had drinks. I saw some old friends I haven't seen in almost three years. It was a great catch up. There was one person in particular who definitely seemed a little scared to see me. He looked at me like he was going to get in trouble when my Ex found out that we had talked. Actually, he looked as if my Ex had a mini bomb implanted in his skull that was about to go off.
So we came and went from the party without seeing him. We went to go watch the parade and as he headed down the street towards the parade I saw a mutual friend of ours and then I saw the Ex and his boyfriend. I had enough vodka in me that I didn't skip a beat. I went and talked to the friend first.
While we were chatting, I caught the eye of my Ex. Also, I should mention at this point that The Drummer has no idea who I'm taking to. It could be any gay friend of mine. So after we caught each other's eye and I waved, I marched up to my Ex. I gave him a hug and probably a kiss on the cheek. Maybe. Then I looked down at his shorts. My Ex is quite the dresser and I saw these shorts with embroidered spiders on them. It was a classic moment. My heart got a little warm and I smiled because OF COURSE he had shorts with embroidered spiders. Just like I would always picture him: a great pair of Prada loafers or a jaunty chapeau or embroidered shorts.
The first thing I said to him was, "It's good to see you." We chatted for a second. But then I felt I needed to introduce the Drummer. So I said, "This is my boyfriend, _____." Then I turned to The Drummer, who still had no idea who I was about to introduce him to and I said, "_____, this is ___." It was after the fact, that The Drummer said, "Holy shit, I didn't realize that was ____." They said hello to one another and then the Ex introduced me to his guy.
And this is the thing that struck me then and still sticks with me. He never introduced him as his boyfriend, just by his name. It felt dismissive. And I have no right to say how this guy should be treated because as another friend mentioned to me a couple of weeks later, it's really up to the boyfriend how he wants to be treated. Agreed. So that was over and the last thing I said to my ex was also, "It was good to see you." And we were off.
Admittedly, I was a little freaked out. But it happened. The Drummer was awesome in his surprise at the meeting that finally happened. And he never said a discouraging thing about him. Come to think about it, neither did I. And frankly, that's a little surprising.
I've told friends recently that in my fantasy life, my Ex and I have lunch together. We sit at some great outdoor table, share a bottle of Soave and say, "Wasn't that a wild ride? Wow, we were young then." Then we clink glasses.
Wouldn't it be nice if we could be that civilized? It would actually be very Noel Coward, which I know would probably tickle us both.
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