Facebook Condolence Highlights

It was with great trepidation that I even posted stuff on Facebook about my Dad.  During his illness, I had posted some status updates that mentioned him.  Nothing explicit like:

My Dad's rectum is bleeding.  Now on my way to Starbucks.

Dad forgot to take his lasix today and yelled at my mother and his caregiver.  I escaped the Wrath of Khan.

Dad peed himself three times today.  But only threw up once.

I avoided anything that was too deeply shaming.  But I shared thoughts about how I felt about him as I was caring for him.  So when I posted on Facebook the following message, I got some lovely responses.

No easy way to do this: This afternoon, my brave father, Daniel Calvin Koon Yat ___, died. He was peaceful. He was at home. And he was loved. My Dad taught me a shitload, was a real fucker in the best possible way, cursed a bit, was a true friend and generous to the end. I'm just glad that during this year of illness he got to see me be as fiercely and ferociously protective of him as he was of me my entire life. Glad you're finally at peace, Duck.

 Here are some of the lovely responses I got back:

Oh, WOW.  Be strong...you are so strong for others.  May he rest in peace...condolences.

Hugs and love to you and your family.  Reading about this process through your eyes has been beautiful.  Thank you for sharing the journey.

My heart goes out to you.

I'm really sorry for your loss, man.  Losing your dad is a real bitch.  You and I are a part of a shitty club.

I often think of the man who could have raised such a brilliant, confident son.

I know you are grateful that you could be there with him during his fight. 


You are lucky to have had a father like that in your life.  Thinking of you.


I'm so sorry for your loss.  It sounds like your Dad was an ace and solid soldier...you are a product of good supportive fabric.


It sounds like his attributes have been passed onto you and will live on.


So sad to hear of your Dad's passing.  You know I thought he was cool!


Tears are welling up for you, my friend.  While I never met your father, I feel like I knew him and how much he meant to you by all the kind words you have posted about him.  He raised you right and I promise he knew how much you loved and adored him.  My thoughts are with you.


My thoughts and prayers are with you.  I have beautiful memories of you and your family.  Your words hit me to the core.  Thank you for your openness and authenticity.


Condolences.  He is always with you now.


You were there for him.  He knows it.  You know it.  That's the best we can do in the face of unspeakable loss.


Very grateful to him that we have you.  


Sending you and your family lots of love.  This is beautifully written.  Such a fitting tribute to the man.  Your skill as a writer is second only to your devotion and caring to the people you love.  


I am so sorry for your loss and so glad you could spend time with your father before he passed.  You were such a good friend to me when my Mom died and I wish I could be there to do the same for you.  I still remember crying in the church when everyone was trying to console me.  You came up to me and said, "You look great in that outfit."  It brought me just what I needed, which was a release and a giggle.  Here's to release and giggling in the toughest times and here's to great friends, loving families and good outfits.  Love you.

Thinking of you.  You are fierce.

I am sorry for your loss.  I know the pain of losing a father and I'm glad you are being strong but remember that your friends may not know what you're going through but they love you and are there to support you.  It's okay to lean on them for support.  I'm praying for you my friend.  I know your father is proud of you.