Dream of Letting Go

I had an interesting dream last night. 

I dreamt of letting go.

In my dream, my Mom was moving everything out of the house and having a bunch of people help get everything out.  I threw a fit and started calling my Brother to get her to stop.

Then I had a thought: Just let it go.  My serious objection must be there for a reason.  Maybe it was there to teach me to let it all go.

That seems to be the theme of my life this year.

LET IT GO.

I let go of the expectations I had of my Father.  I was at peace with him when he died.

I let go of my feeling that my Mother had to have her shit together and hold it together when I needed her.  She was going through her own grief and at the moment my need to have her as a partner conflicted with her need to just let her emotions fly.  I realized finally that I was doing fine.  I didn't need her in that way.

I am trying to let go of this feeling that everyone needs to take care of me.  My boyfriend is where he's at.  He won't understand what I'm going through with my Dad until he loses one of his parents.  And if he's there, I'll be there for him.  Just like my friend Nicole was there for me in a way I wasn't able to be there for her when her Dad died last year.

I got mad that my Ex didn't make more of an effort in acknowledging my Dad's death.  Again, I wanted him to take care of me.  Even almost two years after our breakup.  I have to let that go.  It wasn't his job during our relationship, nor is it his job now.  Especially not now.

I need to put that on post its and post them everywhere:

LET IT GO

I'll keep up with that mantra until it happens.  I'm finding more and more to chip away at.  Get rid of it.