WEEK TWO
DAY EIGHT - I had started to think that I really was going to go ahead with the break up. But at this point it was still, let me have all of my things ready to go in case I decide to go through with it. My friends were worried that I wouldn't go through with it. That I would do what I always do and start to think that things weren't so bad. They had every reason to be concerned even though I wasn't telling them so at the time.
I reached out to him to say we should sit down and have a "conversation" on Tuesday. He responded back to me saying that he wasn't feeling well and that he would rather do Wednesday. At that point, I felt like I was being dicked around so I said:
"Don't worry about it. I know something's going around, so just let me know when you're feeling better."
Looking back at it weeks later, I realized that he didn't want to go through with it either. It's like that Gladys Knight song, "Neither One of Us Wants to be the First to Say Goodbye." I was still hoping that some miracle would happen and it would be clear to me why we shouldn't break up.
I wanted "closure." A word about CLOSURE, I know people have plenty of opinions about that word. Both are cliche. It's either that we need "closure" and we need to end this like adults. Neither one of us wants to be the first to say goodbye, but neither one of us wants the first to be the asshole either. And the second POV, is that "closure" is bullshit. And this point of view is totally judgmental. I stand somewhere in the middle. I wanted this relationship to end with some sort of epiphany...ON HIS PART. I may never get that.
And this conversation that I wanted, most likely would be a blame game. And it wouldn't be healthy for me to subject myself to that.
DAY NINE - A got an email from him saying that the more and more he started thinking about it, the angrier he was getting. And I knew that I had to get my stuff out.
But first I had to call my Mama. I told her everything that was going on and to my delight and surprise, she didn't have a disparaging thing to say. She just offered her support and as a good Catholic mother, said she was going to church to pray for him as soon as she was done visiting her brother who had just had a stroke. That's when my life started feeling like a telenovela.
DAY TEN - My boss was flying that day, so I knew I could be out of the office that morning and pack my stuff up.
The plan was to know what I was getting and where it was. No more than 15 minutes. In and out. I went into the home office where my clothes were. I shoved shirts and pants and undies into a suitcase. Then I grabbed my passport and some books. It felt weird just grabbing everything and knowing that I didn't want him to walk in on me. I said goodbye to our dogs and left.
As I was driving away, I realized that I hadn't grabbed my shoes. Of course. So I dropped stuff off, turned back around and went back.
I got a text message about three hours later saying that he would back up my stuff. Mind you, I'm not responding to any texts or emails at this point. So his anger is increasing the more and more time goes by and he hasn't heard from me. I knew from the email that he didn't know I had taken my stuff. Because the email also mentioned that he had changed the locks. I got all of my stuff out in the nick of time.
And that night, he realized I was gone. And texted me.
DAYS ELEVEN THROUGH FOURTEEN - Honestly a blur. And detailed over various parts of this blog. Arranged to stay with a few different friends. Defriended by various people. Defriended by him. It all started to become real. My new life was starting. And there were incredible changes to come.
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