Confirmation

So I'm having a good time with The Drummer. We are laughing a lot, having great sex, and truly making some great connections.

The Old Me would say that this is confirmation that he's The One. My Present Self would say that this is confirmation that he is Someone Who Should Be in My Life. When I think back about my Ex, at this six week point I did think he was The One. Now I know that he wasn't. But was he Someone Who Should Be in My Life at that time? Yes. He was someone I needed in my life and I'm the better for his presence in it because I had a lot of lessons to learn that I could have only learned if he was in my life.

I'm going back to the idea of The Drummer and I taking things moment by moment. And in this moment I'm glad that he's in my life. He has shown me so much kindness and sweetness and I don't have to go searching around to find out how he feels about me. I know exactly how he feels about me every moment of the day. There is no guess work. And I'm still not subscribing to this whole conversation of him being The One.

My friend Nicole asked me after yoga today if I was in Love? Isn't that funny that everyone subscribes to this idea that you can know if you've in Love with someone new in your life in six weeks? I like him and I like where this is going. And I told her the following story to let her know how deep it's getting (but this still doesn't mean that I'm in Love or that he's The One):

After I had gotten the news about the teaching gig, I called my brother and told him about it. My brother's reaction was tremendous and he shared with me that he wishes he was better at teaching. He wants to be a better mentor to people because he had so many people who had mentored him. I never knew that my brother feels exactly the same way I do about teaching and mentoring. This why I think that maybe I might have a gift for it.

Upon hearing the story, The Drummer looked at me and said, "You're the special one in your family." I smiled because I thought that was genuinely nice, but I went on to explain how amazing my brother is. My brother is an incredible scholar and a scientist. He stopped me. He explained that he wasn't trying to say that my brother isn't amazing. But that it was clear to him that I was the special one in my family. And when you're the special one, it takes a while for people to understand that. He was looking me straight in the face when he said this and I didn't even have the inclination to crack a joke. Nothing about that statement felt uncomfortable, but it also seemed like such a statement of someone seeing me that I still felt it was weird that he saw me in that way only six weeks in.

Then I had another experience yesterday when I was talking to my Mother about the fact that my Grandmother had always said that I should be a teacher. And that it was interesting that I was finally doing it. Then my Mom shared a story about how my Grandmother told her once that I should be a teacher because I had a real gift. She said that not everyone had the gift I had. Yes, my Brother was really smart and popular and everyone liked him. But I was special.

My jaw dropped. I then shared with my Mom what The Drummer had said. It was almost exactly what my Grandmother had said. I was floored.

Two things. This is not a story to dis my Brother. I think my brother is going to do amazing things. He's done HIV research and he's working in the field of infectious diseases. I think my brother's going to contribute to some work that will change the world. I have no doubt that my brother is that talented. I'm not sharing this story to basically say that I'm a rock star and my brother's not. And honestly, I feel a little guilty about putting this on here. But I think there's a point here. People in my life see something in me that I'm slow to see. And I need to get on board. If I'm going to do anything big in life, then I need to be confident in the power I possess. I think we all do.

The second thing: I still don't think that this means that The Drummer is "The One." I don't believe in that concept any more. I believe that this is true confirmation that he's incredibly intuitive or my Grandmother spoke through him or both. But the way he looked at me was that of a person delivering a message. I'd
like to think that he's intuitive and he really sees me. That's powerful.

But what I do know is that the two of us are exactly where we need to be right now...in this moment. And as long as this keeps working, then we're going to keep working at it.