Life Marches On

Family tragedies might be happening.  Personal issues might abound.  Crazy shit might be occuring.  But the entertainment industry marches on. 

I am dealing with what might be my Father's final days or weeks or months and yet the deadlines for this year's TV studio sponsored writing fellowships are upon me.

Even though my Dad's dying, I still need to try to get my break in the industry.  It's a weird dichotomy.  And I'm admittedly ambivalent about it all.  I taught this year and was inspired by that.  I worked on these amazing plays for the Virginia Tech Shootings 5th Anniversary that were moving.  I wrote a great play this year already.  But I need a job.  I need a job that pays well.  I need to be working with people and I want to improve my personal writing skill set.  I need to exercise the muscle on a regular basis.  I'm also needing a break from all of the caretaking.  So even if Dad does last for a while longer, I can't just be his caretaker.  My Mom has to take some of that on as well.  Not that she hasn't, but she hasn't had to in the capacity that she really needs to. 

I'm also being forced into the adult role of person who won't have both parents living very soon.  And it's just time for me to step up as an adult in my professional life.  So many changes have occured in the past 1 1/2 years since I broke up with my Ex and I feel like it's leading towards me taking charge of my life in a way I haven't had to.  It's not like I haven't done things or moved to cities or initiated change in my life before.  But this is different.  I can't just be treated like someone's child anymore because I  will no longer have both people who made me their child anymore. 

I keep saying that the break up has changed me and made me a better person and writer.  And I know that the teaching has made me a better writer.  And I know that my father's imminent passing will do the same.  I'm ready to see what that looks like in my life and how that manifests itself. 

I am ready for change.