Breakdown

My Dad's been in the hospital for the past week almost and it's taken a bit of a toll. I had my high school reunion and I had a play rehearsal then on Sunday. I was a bit hung over, but also a bit sad due to the recent turn of events.

So when it came time to work in rehearsal and something wasn't working, I kind of lost it a bit on the inside. Then when I went to talk to my director after rehearsal, I lost it on the street.

Funny how sensitive we get when we're faced with life's trials. I always try to maintain a professional distance from everything. But when people said harsh, yet correct things about my play, I took it so personally. Like I was an idiot and like my actors and director thought I was a racist, bigoted, small-minded limited human being,which is the last thing in the world I want to give the impression of. In fact, I try to pride myself on the exact opposite. However, it just wasn't happening. I let everything get to me and I took everything personally.

For me, with my Dad in the hospital, I needed rehearsal to be a refuge. And what it was was a rehearsal and I have a section of my play that doesn't work. It was tough and difficult.

But I needed that breakthrough moment. I needed a moment to just release the hurt and pain and worry I was feeling regarding my Dad. But at the same time, I thought it was exactly the thing that needed to happen. I need to look at this part of the play and fix it and this breakdown or breakthrough might have been exactly the thing to push me.

Need to redirect my emotions.