Breakthrough

My Mom and I have spent some special time together this week as my Dad's been in the hospital with the after effects of Congestive Heart Failure and some kidney problems.

Today we had a major moment. We kind of crossed over from the kid/parent dynamic into being two adults who have had relationships with men who are emotionally shut down and who we have run around trying to make everything better.

I held my Mom as she admitted that she felt alone. It was a profound moment.

And I got to share my lessons of trying to make a relationship work with someone who refuses to deal with the things that are destroying his life. It was then that I felt grateful that I had those experiences so I could share my knowledge with my Mom. These are two different situations, but the common thread is that we have both felt that we could take care of everything and that our taking care of everything was emblematic of our strength. But, as I explained to her earlier, just because we have the strength doesn't mean we need to prove how strong we are nor does it mean that handling everything is our responsibility.

Although my Mom's best friend tried to prove to me other wise and implied that I didn't understand because a spouse or a family member was different from a friend or boyfriend. I had to let that one go...

But my Mommy and I had a big breakthrough in terms of our relationship. I think we understood each other as people who have hurt and been hurt because of our spouses. And for me, it's about breaking the cycle of my parents' life and experience. And my Mother finally seeing me step away and what I was stepping away from. My Mom has always been supportive of this break up. But she never equated it with what she was doing in her own marriage. Until today, I think.

I think it also brought the two of us closer together as a family.

It has been a busy past few days.

And it's the ex's 40th today. I sent him a brief text wishing him the best. It's done.