This is just a follow up to the worth conversation.
The bonus conversation got resolved in my favor. It turned out that at the moment I was ready to discuss it further, I was told I was getting what I deserved. Those last three words are mine. I was told I was getting "the rest." I had to go in and fix my bonus, which I think for anyone is a hard thing to do. You end up asking yourself questions like "Am I being greedy?" "Do I really deserve this?" "I can make it work without that extra money, right? I didn't really need it anyway."
And then I thought about the bigger picture. The bigger picture is that I am asking for everything I deserve.
I deserve to be with a partner who respects me and has the capacity to love me.
I deserve to have time with my friends without feeling guilty.
I deserve to have the body I want - without shame or embarrassment.
I deserve to have the freedom to make the choices in my life that are right for me.
I deserve money. I deserve the compensation for a job well done.
And if I didn't honor that last bit, then everything else would suffer. I would start to slide back to the person who makes due. And yes, there is a benefit for asking for more money. And I deserve all the benefits that my standing up for myself brings me.
The relationship with my soon to be former employer and my ex boyfriend really shared some similar dynamics. So once I ended one relationship, the other was soon to follow. And now that I'm about to end this second relationship officially, there's more change to come. I start my new job on Monday. I have more changes ahead of me. I will be looking for a new apartment soon. Still staying with friends or housesitting for them. Then I will find out what's happening with any upcoming travel for work and then I'll find a place that's more permanent.
So it's full steam ahead. Now I need to go for a run and work on that body I deserve.
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