I'm combining because both days were kind of the same. I'm trying to figure out what I'm holding on to.
The physical report is that my
ATTITUDE is positive
ENERGY is strong
and that I'm working out a lot. The workouts have been good.
But I'm generally pretty sad. I guess I have been for a while. I miss the guy. It's not what I should be feeling. I should be so pissed off and happy that I'm not there any more.
My friend Howie's hating this string of recent posts, I know it. I blew somebody. But it's because I'm sad. He was hot. And his dick was huge. But I'm not doing it for any good reason. I'm doing it because I'm gay and I'm a guy and I compartmentalize. I'm also doing it to cope, which is a slippery slope. It's a distraction. And it makes me a bit sad. Not like moody. More like pitiful.
Don't worry. I'm not wallowing. I'm just bummed out. I went and saw Belle du Jour tonight at LACMA. I would have loved to have done that with the ex. Or even a good friend. The thing is that I can't just depend on friends to distract me from my loneliness. They've got their lives too. I can't be a ton of fun to be around right now. All I do is talk about the ex. It's boring.
Hunger's subsiding. Wanting to lose more. Body feels good and is functioning. Even though I haven't had any seafood this week, next week I go completely vegan. I'm ready for it.
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