Fun Factory Shuts Down

Oy, now I remember why I don't party any more.

My friend Tony was in town this weekend and we had a great weekend catching up. He's also from NYC, so he wanted to check out the Weho scene. And we checked it out, top to bottom. Ha, ha.

But my body just can't handle that much drinking and staying up late. I'm getting old. So I'm heading into this cleanse with much vigor and enthusiasm.

But as the final blow out before 21 days of no boozing, coffee drinking or cigs (which I'm putting down for good after this cleanse), it was a good one. Tony and I went to Fubar on Friday night because I'm a huge fan of "Dance Bitch." I love shaking my groove thing with a bunch of guys in a small bar. Because of the holiday weekend, it was actually not that crazy busy. Tony and I are both popular boys, so we ran into friends with both knew. It seemed that all of Tony's NY buddies randomly happened to be in LA this weekend.

And on the dance floor, there was this group of hot guys: a hot MJ inspired black dude with a red shirt, black leather jacket and newsboy cap. And a hot blondie who looked like a hot preppy, but could shake his ass. He was burning up the dance floor with his buddy. I immediately identified him as someone I wanted to meet. I love my preppy white boys. And having rhythm is better.

Tony and I also talked about the dichotomy of a masc guy who can queen out a bit. He looked like a guy who could throw a football around, then he was in the phone booth at the bar, lifting his legs up in the air and grinding with other hot dudes. Deelite's "Groove is in the Heart" was playing. I'm busting out my early 90s dance moves and then he comes behind me and starts playing off of me. I died. It was a "Solid Gold" moment.

Then we went to the Faultline for bears and their admirers on Saturday night. I have to say that I love a bear bar because I'm usually not the one who they're interested in. So I can just be a voyeur and enjoy myself without the pressure of trying to hit on dudes. My Tony was getting lots o' attention, though. He's a cute short gay. And on the hunt for other cute short gays. The funny thing was that even though the Faultline is a bar for bears, there were a number of skinny, Weho types that were probably just trying to escape the scene. That or they had fucked everyone in Weho already.

I was impressed with the bear strippers, who were working the pole. A chunky monkey who can work a pole? Genius. And the music: Le Roux, Gossip, Whitney Houston, Lady Gaga. As I said before, I love dichotomy. And I got it in spades last night.

I also had to say to a couple of chubby Latin queens to back up. We were sitting at the bar, and these two guys come up to us and stare straight at me. I figured I'd be polite, so I said hello. Then the following exchange:

"You're in our seats."
"Your seats? From how long ago? We've been here for 15 minutes."
"You're in our seats."
I turned around. "I'm sorry. Where are your names on these bar stools?"
They just stared me down. "Really? You want us to get up and give you your seats back?"
"Yes."
"All right. Take your seats back. That you left behind over 15 minutes ago." With that, I got up. One of them managed to touch my back and grab my ass. "Are you FUCKING kidding me? Don't touch me."

Tony said that he couldn't believe I got up. This was my thought. If they need it that bad, then they can have it. I'm not going to fight over a seat. I can stand. And maybe they needed to take the load off. The silly thing was that they were so drunk, that one of them fell on the floor after he sat down.

But then they got up again! And we went back and sat down. Then they came back. I stood my ground. Finally, I was tired of sitting and went over to the guy I was talking to. And like clockwork, these guys had been keeping an eye out. And the swooped right in again. Some people.

Well, it made it all for an interesting night. And with that, the fun factory shuts down. I will be cleaning my body, working out and writing. I will not be chasing ridiculous gays. I will be a hermit for three weeks. And that is fine by me. I blew it out this weekend to remind myself of what I'm blowing off.