Cleanse

My brother just finished this cleanse where he got leaner and started to see a six pack. As soon as he described it to me, I knew I had to do it. The pluses: no loss of energy, muscle mass or ability to work out. I'm letting go of a lot of things in my life, so why not let go of some extra pounds. I've been working out a lot and I want to see the fruits of my labor.

I decided to start this after my birthday and Valentines Day which are both coming up. I figured I'll need some drinks and some chocolates to get through both.

I've lived my life with a lot of "I'd nevers" and this is another one to break through. I never thought that I'd have a body that people would want to look at and admire. Yes, I'm in fine shape. But I didn't think I'd ever have an enviable body. And I'm not saying that I do now. But maybe once I'd like to see my body looking a certain way. I'm more about health and how I'm feeling inside. But I don't want to avoid having something because I don't think I can. I want to have anything I want and that's what this body thing is about. I'm working my ass off at the gym, so why not have it be the best it can possibly be. It's inspiring.

My father used to say as a kid (as I'm sure most Dads did) that there is no such word as "can't." And once I said, "I can't run a marathon." And I did. And more recently, "I can't leave my boyfriend of five years." And I've always thought that "I can't have a six pack." "I can't look that good." I've accepted certain things about myself as truths and not understood that I can change anything in my life.

So is it frivolous? Maybe a little bit. But for me, anything superficial has a deeper meaning. This is what I want: I want a hot chest, great legs and rockin' arms to match the beauty that's already inside of me. I want to feel confident. Confident to share all of myself with other people. And how I feel on the outside affects how I feel inside. It directly affects my ability to feel worthy and okay enough to share the great things about myself. I don't want to hold back any more.

Okay, I did say that I was getting less sappy in this blog. So I will close by saying that I want to safely have more bone in my life. In my life, up my ass and in each hand.

Why the hell not? Life's too short. I want to be ALL OF ME, not just the parts that people find it easy to stomach.

And this cleanse is the next step. I want to cleanse myself of all the negativity. All of the ways that I stop myself. All of my blockages. I want to make room more healthier choices and ways of being. If my birthday and the upcoming valentine's day holiday plays some part in making those changes happen, then so be it. It sure beats being alone and miserable cause I don't have a man in my life.