I started writing this story in novel form today.
It has taken me three years and eight months to get here to a place where I can actually write about this break up and put it in context.
I wrote this blog to start talking about the break up of a relationship I had been in for five years. The first year of this blog is really mainly about that. Some of the details I have forgotten and I intend on going back to this blog to refresh my memory and to (ugh) relive some of this stuff.
My friend Kenchy said to me years ago when I explained to him that I had started to forget how bad it had been that my mind was healing and that's why it was allowing me to forget.
I just wrote five pages today in my office and I feel like I could write more. I'm still uncertain as to how much I am going to fictionalize about this story. I feel like some of the details that I never felt comfortable including in this blog will be in the novel version of this story. I kind of have to put it all out there. Now that my ex is in recovery, I think I feel better about that.
I never wrote about the drugs because I didn't want to tell his story. But as I think he's beginning to tell his own story, I'm more open about it. And I will include that in the novel. I won't be any more explicit about it here.
I'm not sure why today was the day I decided I was ready to write about it. I had thought about it yesterday. And about three weeks ago, I had figured out how I would open the book. So that's what I wrote today. I also read a book that really influenced me. It was a book that's about to be made into a movie and that I had been reading. I had put off reading that book since after my break up. I think I've had a copy of that book for the past three or so years as well.
Maybe that's what it took. I read this book. I realized that I had a story to tell and I decided it was time to tell it. It's like a young kid watching a movie or a play and going, "Hey, I can do that!" That's the thought I had. The writer of this book is very good. He's funny. Notice how I'm not mentioning the title of the book or the author. I don't want to be perceived as copying. It's not really that sort of thing anyway. My story is different from the story of the book. I guess I'm just paranoid. But that was the impetus for me to put this down.
It was after that that I imagined the beginning of the book.
Years ago (probably chronicled in the November 2011 section of this blog) my friend Caitlin had mentioned that she was reading the blog and loving it. She asked me if I was going to do anything with it. It just seemed so soon. I don't think I had an idea that I had anything worth reading. It was raw. It was sad. It was fresh. But somewhere deep down I think I knew that the story wasn't done yet.
People said the same thing to me after my Dad died.
"How are you doing?"
Fine.
"Good. So when are you going to write about this?"
My Ex even asked about that when I ran into him at Gay Pride this year. He told me that I needed to write about my Dad's death. Thanks, but you don't really get a say anymore. I think something in me changed during that conversation. As I mentioned in the previous blog post, I have wanted some sort of friendship or relationship with him for a while. It took me some time to heal and to have some perspective on what had happened. I didn't want to see him for a long time. I couldn't see him for a long time. I needed to stay away. I knew I was still fragile. But when I was ready to make contact, something in me--the healing, forgetting part--felt like I could handle a friendship. But he never wanted that. And in that last interaction we had, I realized that I don't want that either. He's not a very nice person. He's generous. He's gregarious. He's a great host. But he's not kind. He wasn't cruel in the conversation we had, although I know how cruel he really can be. He probably doesn't care enough to be cruel to me. His cruelty was built on the foundation of the love and vulnerability I had with him.
The epiphany I had in that conversation was that there would be no friendship. So I guess that really set me free to start thinking about this book.
The other story of this book IS my Dad's death. His illness leading up to his death. His death and then the healing that has happened since. The book isn't just the break up. The book isn't just about my Dad dying. Both stories are linked. They are a part of my journey and healing process. Both are about putting a certain feeling about myself to bed. And I like how both stories weave in and out a bit.
So I start this journey. I started this journey with five pages this afternoon.
It will also give me the chance to go back and read what I have written. I have the best notes.
I am grateful for this journey.
I am grateful for the record of this story.
I am grateful for friends who have helped me through this.
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Saturday, July 23, 2011
I'm Back, but Am I Ready to Date Again?
That's the question on the table.
My friend Steve says not to question it. But that's my modus operendi, I'm a questioner. I'm an over thinker. I'm a ponderer. But Steve is right. Don't over think it.
Last night, The Drummer and I went to Little Toni's an old school Italian joint in the Valley. It's got menu items like:
SPAGHETTI with Meat Balls
SPAGHETTI with Meat Sauce
SPAGHETTI with Garlic and Oil
SPAGHETTI with Clam Sauce
SPAGHETTI with Broccoli
And the same but with Linguini.
It reminds me of Frantone's a place that I grew up going to when I was a kid in Downey, California. I've actually been dying to go back for a while, so this definitely satisfied that need. The submarine sandwiches at Frantone's had a tapenade made with olives on them. They were kind of like muffalettas disguised as submarine sandwiches. The oil and the cold cuts got all nice and soft, which contrasted with the crunch from the onions, tomatoes and lettuce. A bit of mayo. I have strong memories of getting subs from Frantone's and then heading to Huntington Beach to go body surfing. My skin, dark and lovely, baked brown in the sun back in the day when we didn't worry about skin cancer. Ah, innocence.
Little Toni's was like stepping into the past. The animated past. It seemed very LADY AND THE TRAMP. Not sure which one I would be since I've been both a lady and a tramp throughout my life. Either one would be fine. I'm not offended. We had salads with blue cheese dressing, shared a pizza with sausage, bell peppers and garlic and manicotti with meat sauce. That's the Italian food I was raised on, the kind served on red gingham tablecloths.
It's funny because I've been to Italy and have had some pretty amazing Italian food. Orcchette with rapini, sausage, garlic and olive oil. Wild Boar tagliettelli. I'm spelling all of those pasta names wrong. I've made my own gnocchi with brown butter, sage, balsamic and Parmesan. I think I need to take The Drummer to Torroni to have some fritto misti and some homemade pasta. When I think of Italian food now, that's the Italian food I think of. Am I a snob? Yeah, a bit. But I loved dinner last night too. My favorite thing my Mom makes is lasagna. I wanted to get the chopped salad or the antipasto platter at Little Toni's.
So while my tastes have evolved and broadened, I still love what I consider my childhood classics. But I think there's some room for some salume, cheeses and olives as antipasti. A Campari and Soda. Some bruschetta with lardo. I guess what I'm saying is that there's room for everything. Yes, I'm a snob, but I'm not snobby about my food. And I like the idea of sharing that knowledge with someone, much like that knowledge was shared with me.
To be honest, I prefer a burger from a place like Oinkster that does those great hamburger joint classics, but with everything from scratch than a place like Umami. Although I do love the Triple Pork Burger. But not everything has to be truffle this and foie gras that. Although I am craving bone marrow. I'd rather have chicken tacos from Pepe's Numbero Dos in Downey or Antonio's on Melrose than most things any day of the week.
How did this become a conversation about food instead of the question in the title of this blog post? Not sure. But am I ready to date again? I'm ready to be held by a sweet guy. I'm ready to look into his eyes and instantly smile. I'm ready to have sex at night and in the morning. I'm ready to explode with passion swiftly after hours of foreplay. I'm ready for kind words exchanged back and forth. Sure, I have sophisticated tastes, but that's not a reason to sell out your self worth. It's easy to get seduced by "the finer things", but none of those measures up against someone who touches you gently in the morning, tells you that you're special and someone who inspires you to return the favor.
What happens after that remains to be seen, a fact that both The Drummer and I can agree upon.
My friend Steve says not to question it. But that's my modus operendi, I'm a questioner. I'm an over thinker. I'm a ponderer. But Steve is right. Don't over think it.
Last night, The Drummer and I went to Little Toni's an old school Italian joint in the Valley. It's got menu items like:
SPAGHETTI with Meat Balls
SPAGHETTI with Meat Sauce
SPAGHETTI with Garlic and Oil
SPAGHETTI with Clam Sauce
SPAGHETTI with Broccoli
And the same but with Linguini.
It reminds me of Frantone's a place that I grew up going to when I was a kid in Downey, California. I've actually been dying to go back for a while, so this definitely satisfied that need. The submarine sandwiches at Frantone's had a tapenade made with olives on them. They were kind of like muffalettas disguised as submarine sandwiches. The oil and the cold cuts got all nice and soft, which contrasted with the crunch from the onions, tomatoes and lettuce. A bit of mayo. I have strong memories of getting subs from Frantone's and then heading to Huntington Beach to go body surfing. My skin, dark and lovely, baked brown in the sun back in the day when we didn't worry about skin cancer. Ah, innocence.
Little Toni's was like stepping into the past. The animated past. It seemed very LADY AND THE TRAMP. Not sure which one I would be since I've been both a lady and a tramp throughout my life. Either one would be fine. I'm not offended. We had salads with blue cheese dressing, shared a pizza with sausage, bell peppers and garlic and manicotti with meat sauce. That's the Italian food I was raised on, the kind served on red gingham tablecloths.
It's funny because I've been to Italy and have had some pretty amazing Italian food. Orcchette with rapini, sausage, garlic and olive oil. Wild Boar tagliettelli. I'm spelling all of those pasta names wrong. I've made my own gnocchi with brown butter, sage, balsamic and Parmesan. I think I need to take The Drummer to Torroni to have some fritto misti and some homemade pasta. When I think of Italian food now, that's the Italian food I think of. Am I a snob? Yeah, a bit. But I loved dinner last night too. My favorite thing my Mom makes is lasagna. I wanted to get the chopped salad or the antipasto platter at Little Toni's.
So while my tastes have evolved and broadened, I still love what I consider my childhood classics. But I think there's some room for some salume, cheeses and olives as antipasti. A Campari and Soda. Some bruschetta with lardo. I guess what I'm saying is that there's room for everything. Yes, I'm a snob, but I'm not snobby about my food. And I like the idea of sharing that knowledge with someone, much like that knowledge was shared with me.
To be honest, I prefer a burger from a place like Oinkster that does those great hamburger joint classics, but with everything from scratch than a place like Umami. Although I do love the Triple Pork Burger. But not everything has to be truffle this and foie gras that. Although I am craving bone marrow. I'd rather have chicken tacos from Pepe's Numbero Dos in Downey or Antonio's on Melrose than most things any day of the week.
How did this become a conversation about food instead of the question in the title of this blog post? Not sure. But am I ready to date again? I'm ready to be held by a sweet guy. I'm ready to look into his eyes and instantly smile. I'm ready to have sex at night and in the morning. I'm ready to explode with passion swiftly after hours of foreplay. I'm ready for kind words exchanged back and forth. Sure, I have sophisticated tastes, but that's not a reason to sell out your self worth. It's easy to get seduced by "the finer things", but none of those measures up against someone who touches you gently in the morning, tells you that you're special and someone who inspires you to return the favor.
What happens after that remains to be seen, a fact that both The Drummer and I can agree upon.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Sexy Time: Date Suggestions
Here's a list of future "night in" date ideas for me and The Drummer.
Music: Cee Lo Green - THE LADY KILLER
Food: Angel Hair Pasta w/ Lemon Zest, Parmesan, and Arugula.
Drink: A rose, blush wine
After Dinner Activity: heavy petting and dry massages.
Music: Jeff Buckley - GRACE
Food: Thick Cut Pork Chops w/ a Spice Rub, Pan Roasted Brussel Sprouts and Sauteed Mushrooms.
Drink: Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey
After Dinner Activity: hard core slightly buzzed make out session, passing out in a food coma/drunken stupor.
Music: Madonna - LIKE A PRAYER
Food: Pasta Puttanesca and Eggplant Parmesean
Drink: A bottle of Soave
After Dinner Activity: discussing religious iconography in popular music while jacking off (no touching each other, just watching and stroking)
Music: Etta James - THE CHESS BOX SET
Food: Fried Chicken, Mac and Cheese, lots of Tabasco
Drink: Vodka Lemonades
After Dinner Activity: Talking music, singing to each other, tickles, laughter, making out, oral, 69, ass play, doing it, bukkake
Music: Stephen Sondheim - COMPANY (Original Cast Recording) and MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG (Original Cast Recording)
Food: Burgers, sweet potato fries and homemade ketchup
Drink: Beers
After Dinner Activity: confusion on The Drummer's part, oral w/ no reciprocation as an apology from me.
Music: Rufus Featuring Chaka Khan - RAGS TO RUFUS
Food: Steaks, Potatoes Au Gratin, Green Beans served with an Iceberg Wedge (blue cheese, bacon and tomoatoes) and a red cabbage slaw.
Drink: Cabernet
After Dinner Activity: full on, loud, hard core (but unfilmed) sex. satisfying for both. we decide to do it twice in a row.
Music: Cee Lo Green - THE LADY KILLER
Food: Angel Hair Pasta w/ Lemon Zest, Parmesan, and Arugula.
Drink: A rose, blush wine
After Dinner Activity: heavy petting and dry massages.
Music: Jeff Buckley - GRACE
Food: Thick Cut Pork Chops w/ a Spice Rub, Pan Roasted Brussel Sprouts and Sauteed Mushrooms.
Drink: Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey
After Dinner Activity: hard core slightly buzzed make out session, passing out in a food coma/drunken stupor.
Music: Madonna - LIKE A PRAYER
Food: Pasta Puttanesca and Eggplant Parmesean
Drink: A bottle of Soave
After Dinner Activity: discussing religious iconography in popular music while jacking off (no touching each other, just watching and stroking)
Music: Etta James - THE CHESS BOX SET
Food: Fried Chicken, Mac and Cheese, lots of Tabasco
Drink: Vodka Lemonades
After Dinner Activity: Talking music, singing to each other, tickles, laughter, making out, oral, 69, ass play, doing it, bukkake
Music: Stephen Sondheim - COMPANY (Original Cast Recording) and MERRILY WE ROLL ALONG (Original Cast Recording)
Food: Burgers, sweet potato fries and homemade ketchup
Drink: Beers
After Dinner Activity: confusion on The Drummer's part, oral w/ no reciprocation as an apology from me.
Music: Rufus Featuring Chaka Khan - RAGS TO RUFUS
Food: Steaks, Potatoes Au Gratin, Green Beans served with an Iceberg Wedge (blue cheese, bacon and tomoatoes) and a red cabbage slaw.
Drink: Cabernet
After Dinner Activity: full on, loud, hard core (but unfilmed) sex. satisfying for both. we decide to do it twice in a row.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Night Owl
I'm an old lady.
I love a 4:30 PM dinner, an Early Bird Special. I like to get up early in the morning and to take an afternoon nap.
The Drummer is a bit of a late bird. He'll call me late and we'll chat on the phone. He came over at 10:45 PM the other night and we were up until probably around 2 or 3. We went on our drive around 6 PM and came home around 10:30, then had some fun until around midnight. It's crazy!
We slept in this morning until around 10:30ish. This is totally messing with my schedule. I'm going to have to take more naps throughout the day if I keep banging the drum. (Ha ha - I'm not really banging the drum, nor is The Drum banging me - we're taking it slow)
Can I just say how nice it is when you've got bedroom chemistry with someone? We just kind of fit that way. Who knows what the future may bring, but you have to start out with chemistry. The sex has to be right there from the beginning. The affection has to be there and the conversation has to be flowing. For any relationship to work for me, it's got to be hot in the sack. It's got to be going off in the sack, actually. Let's do it, try it, experiment, get loud, tell each other what we want to do to the other person...go off! If it's not that way, then it's not worth it. The passion's got to be there. I will not settle for bad sex again. Maybe I should correct myself, I will not settle for lack of chemistry and for things I don't enjoy.
You have to know how to hold me. How I want to be touched. And I feel that is another chemistry thing...certain nuts and bolts can be finessed, but you've got to just match up with me in that department and the Drummer definitely does. He gets it.
This is something else the Drummer does that I like...he tells me how he feels when we're in bed. He says that he likes me and that he's having fun and that what we're doing is awesome. By the way, probably the only person who uses the word "awesome" more than I do. I'm a fan of someone who is affectionate and sweet outside of the bedroom and really aggressive in the bedroom. It's a great contrast.
It's a great foundation for...who knows? But it's a great foundation. And no expectations, beyond that.
I love a 4:30 PM dinner, an Early Bird Special. I like to get up early in the morning and to take an afternoon nap.
The Drummer is a bit of a late bird. He'll call me late and we'll chat on the phone. He came over at 10:45 PM the other night and we were up until probably around 2 or 3. We went on our drive around 6 PM and came home around 10:30, then had some fun until around midnight. It's crazy!
We slept in this morning until around 10:30ish. This is totally messing with my schedule. I'm going to have to take more naps throughout the day if I keep banging the drum. (Ha ha - I'm not really banging the drum, nor is The Drum banging me - we're taking it slow)
Can I just say how nice it is when you've got bedroom chemistry with someone? We just kind of fit that way. Who knows what the future may bring, but you have to start out with chemistry. The sex has to be right there from the beginning. The affection has to be there and the conversation has to be flowing. For any relationship to work for me, it's got to be hot in the sack. It's got to be going off in the sack, actually. Let's do it, try it, experiment, get loud, tell each other what we want to do to the other person...go off! If it's not that way, then it's not worth it. The passion's got to be there. I will not settle for bad sex again. Maybe I should correct myself, I will not settle for lack of chemistry and for things I don't enjoy.
You have to know how to hold me. How I want to be touched. And I feel that is another chemistry thing...certain nuts and bolts can be finessed, but you've got to just match up with me in that department and the Drummer definitely does. He gets it.
This is something else the Drummer does that I like...he tells me how he feels when we're in bed. He says that he likes me and that he's having fun and that what we're doing is awesome. By the way, probably the only person who uses the word "awesome" more than I do. I'm a fan of someone who is affectionate and sweet outside of the bedroom and really aggressive in the bedroom. It's a great contrast.
It's a great foundation for...who knows? But it's a great foundation. And no expectations, beyond that.
Crushing
Okay, so let's officially give this new guy a nickname: The Drummer.
The Drummer and I spent yesterday afternoon and evening and night and this morning together. I'm officially crushing on him. It has only been a week and three dates in, but I'm definitely vibing on this dude. He's laid back and very sweet. But he's also sexy as hell. This is what I like: he wants to make personal memories, not just impressive ones. We drove on the Angeles Crest Highway through the National Forest and into Wrightwood. Just to go on a great drive. We chatted the whole way, held hands, touched legs, kissed and listened to Sirius Satellite Radio.
I think it's safe to say that we're enjoying each others company. We like each other a lot. His body is fantastic. He's got the best face and I'm definitely in that honeymoon period. And because his schedule is so crazy right now, it creates some needed distance. That ensures that things don't move too quickly.
I'm so loving his body. It's great to be with someone who has a nice body, but isn't too obsessive about it. It is super hot.
Gosh, I'm crushing hard.
The Drummer and I spent yesterday afternoon and evening and night and this morning together. I'm officially crushing on him. It has only been a week and three dates in, but I'm definitely vibing on this dude. He's laid back and very sweet. But he's also sexy as hell. This is what I like: he wants to make personal memories, not just impressive ones. We drove on the Angeles Crest Highway through the National Forest and into Wrightwood. Just to go on a great drive. We chatted the whole way, held hands, touched legs, kissed and listened to Sirius Satellite Radio.
I think it's safe to say that we're enjoying each others company. We like each other a lot. His body is fantastic. He's got the best face and I'm definitely in that honeymoon period. And because his schedule is so crazy right now, it creates some needed distance. That ensures that things don't move too quickly.
I'm so loving his body. It's great to be with someone who has a nice body, but isn't too obsessive about it. It is super hot.
Gosh, I'm crushing hard.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Back on the Horse
So here I am on a Friday night, watching Sex and the City reruns on the Style network and drinking some Tennessee Honey. He's got a gig and I'm writing.
Am I ready to start dating? All signs seem to point in that direction. The man looked hot in my bed this morning, just waiting for me to climb back in. Last night I caught him sprawled out totally naked while we were sleeping. So sexy.
I haven't had that in a while. Well, maybe ever. I've always dated based on personality and never on looks. I fuck based on looks, but not dating. And I'm not interested in him purely for looks, but from certain angles he looks like Bradley Cooper and that's hot.
Plus we have conversations about real shit. And he's got feelings he seems to be in touch with. Plus we can't keep our lips and hands off of each other. He smelled fantastic last night. And his hair is cute. He's got a sweet smile. God, I'm crushing hard.
But it is fun. We were up late last night too. Great stuff. But treating this as a lesson in restraint. Focused on my own stuff. And he's got a busy schedule with all of his gigs. So that's a good thing.
And this is fun. Just enjoying myself.
Am I ready to start dating? All signs seem to point in that direction. The man looked hot in my bed this morning, just waiting for me to climb back in. Last night I caught him sprawled out totally naked while we were sleeping. So sexy.
I haven't had that in a while. Well, maybe ever. I've always dated based on personality and never on looks. I fuck based on looks, but not dating. And I'm not interested in him purely for looks, but from certain angles he looks like Bradley Cooper and that's hot.
Plus we have conversations about real shit. And he's got feelings he seems to be in touch with. Plus we can't keep our lips and hands off of each other. He smelled fantastic last night. And his hair is cute. He's got a sweet smile. God, I'm crushing hard.
But it is fun. We were up late last night too. Great stuff. But treating this as a lesson in restraint. Focused on my own stuff. And he's got a busy schedule with all of his gigs. So that's a good thing.
And this is fun. Just enjoying myself.
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Friday, July 15, 2011
Feeling Good
There was a hot man in my bed last night and this morning. Funny, charming, sweet, loves to talk and a smoking hot body. Smoking hot. Like freaking smoking hotness all over the place.
Winning combo: Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey, meatballs, pig candy, homemade ketchup and sweet potato fries. Loving it.
The more I'm learning about him, the more I'm liking.
Winning combo: Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey, meatballs, pig candy, homemade ketchup and sweet potato fries. Loving it.
The more I'm learning about him, the more I'm liking.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Cooking for Two
When I like a dude, I want to cook for him. I start going on line to look for impressive things I haven't made before. And sometimes I pull out my "greatest hits" in an effort to impress. But I know whether or not I'm interested based on whether or not I want to cook.
So what's on the menu for tonight?
Well, he's coming over at 10 pm, so it's more like a late night snack menu. He's bringing over Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey. So I'm looking to do something meaty, spicy and bold to match the boldness and the sweetness of the liquor. And to do that I'm reaching into the bag of tricks.
Homemade ketchup. This will go with some store bought sweet potato fries and turkey meatballs. My own meatballs will be on the menu at some point. But I'm rushing from dance class.
Pig Candy. Bacon with brown sugar and chili powder. It's so good.
Booze it up!
Looking forward to food that will put us in the mood.
So what's on the menu for tonight?
Well, he's coming over at 10 pm, so it's more like a late night snack menu. He's bringing over Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey. So I'm looking to do something meaty, spicy and bold to match the boldness and the sweetness of the liquor. And to do that I'm reaching into the bag of tricks.
Homemade ketchup. This will go with some store bought sweet potato fries and turkey meatballs. My own meatballs will be on the menu at some point. But I'm rushing from dance class.
Pig Candy. Bacon with brown sugar and chili powder. It's so good.
Booze it up!
Looking forward to food that will put us in the mood.
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Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Sparks
I'm sparking with someone. He's cute and funny and sweet and sincere. We were on the phone for three hours last night. I don't remember the last time that happened. In a way it's like going back to high school. I just like him. He's easy to chat with and I feel like I get who he is on the surface. Nothing hidden.
It is fun. He's a drummer. I feel like there are things about his world I don't know about and things about mine he's unfamiliar with and that's okay.
He's also real, which I so appreciate. Sexy as hell, by the way. Body is great. He's touchy and kissy and seems comfortable in his own skin. Thank God! He doesn't seem like he's over compensating for anything.
And there's no guesswork. He's vibing on me and I'm vibing on him. Period.
There is something about a person who just knows who they are. It's the biggest turn on in the world. It also highlights the difference between someone who wants everyone to think they're okay, but displays so much evidence to the contrary. It's uncomfortable to watch someone try so hard. And it's such a relief when someone just is who they claim to be.
It is fun. He's a drummer. I feel like there are things about his world I don't know about and things about mine he's unfamiliar with and that's okay.
He's also real, which I so appreciate. Sexy as hell, by the way. Body is great. He's touchy and kissy and seems comfortable in his own skin. Thank God! He doesn't seem like he's over compensating for anything.
And there's no guesswork. He's vibing on me and I'm vibing on him. Period.
There is something about a person who just knows who they are. It's the biggest turn on in the world. It also highlights the difference between someone who wants everyone to think they're okay, but displays so much evidence to the contrary. It's uncomfortable to watch someone try so hard. And it's such a relief when someone just is who they claim to be.
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Sunday, July 10, 2011
Day Dating
Since I'm on hiatus right now and I'm single, I have the opportunity to do some day dating, which is kind of fun.
So tomorrow I have a gentleman caller coming over for lunch. Here's the menu, should be fun:
Pan fried New York steaks w/ an herbed compound butter
Romaine salad w/ lemon and olive oil
some sort of grilled veggie or buttery starchy something - not sure yet
I'm putting some effort into this, for sure. This guy is a musician and teacher. Met him at the gym "working out." He seems very funny and super cute. I think he has a hot ass, too. If I remember correctly.
I love that he asked "White or Red". Day dating needs some day drinking as well. I'm a super fan of that, of course.
I'm going to be super casual in terms of attire. Bare feet and some sort of pull over something over other. I'm going to be the skinny male ethnic Ina Garten up in this joint.
And then maybe a little jaunt over to Milk for dessert. I think that's nice and romantic and fun.
I'm sure Date #2 this week with the actor will be less romantic. Both guys have definitely made me laugh, but the actor guy I'm holding back on a bit. I'm skeptical. Actors are weird to me. I love them in rehearsal and I think they're fantastic. But to date...that's a bit rough for me. But the guy is hot and funny...although in a hammy way, which I typically don't respond to. But he's hot. And right now, that's all I basically require.
Although the musician's humorous in a much more laid back way, which I typically respond to better. I don't like a guy who tries too hard. Anymore. I don't like a guy who tries too hard any more.
So tomorrow I have a gentleman caller coming over for lunch. Here's the menu, should be fun:
Pan fried New York steaks w/ an herbed compound butter
Romaine salad w/ lemon and olive oil
some sort of grilled veggie or buttery starchy something - not sure yet
I'm putting some effort into this, for sure. This guy is a musician and teacher. Met him at the gym "working out." He seems very funny and super cute. I think he has a hot ass, too. If I remember correctly.
I love that he asked "White or Red". Day dating needs some day drinking as well. I'm a super fan of that, of course.
I'm going to be super casual in terms of attire. Bare feet and some sort of pull over something over other. I'm going to be the skinny male ethnic Ina Garten up in this joint.
And then maybe a little jaunt over to Milk for dessert. I think that's nice and romantic and fun.
I'm sure Date #2 this week with the actor will be less romantic. Both guys have definitely made me laugh, but the actor guy I'm holding back on a bit. I'm skeptical. Actors are weird to me. I love them in rehearsal and I think they're fantastic. But to date...that's a bit rough for me. But the guy is hot and funny...although in a hammy way, which I typically don't respond to. But he's hot. And right now, that's all I basically require.
Although the musician's humorous in a much more laid back way, which I typically respond to better. I don't like a guy who tries too hard. Anymore. I don't like a guy who tries too hard any more.
Dating is like Netflix
I was at Outfest yesterday, which is the Gay and Lesbian Film Festival held in Los Angeles every year with my friend Susan for the screening of a film called THE GREEN with Cheyenne Jackson, Illeana Douglas and Julia Ormond. It was a very well done drama about a gay high school teacher who gets accused of having an inappropriate relationship with a student with a troubled family background. It's about class issues and this sort of liberal attitude that often masks some very traditional values when push comes to shove. I liked it a lot. And at the center of it was this very sweet gay relationship which gets pushed to its limits.
And of course everything reminds me of my relationship with my ex (I will be glad when I'm done with this blog in part to stop relating EVERYTHING to my ex). I realized that I really miss that sort of intimacy. I miss having a person to cuddle with in bed. I miss bugging someone when you want attention. I miss that sort of funny interplay that happens between couples who have been together for a while. I see the same thing between Jeffrey Alan Marks and Ross Cassidy on MILLION DOLLAR DECORATORS on Bravo. Yes, those two men are the model version of a gay relationship; but there's a certain self-effacing quality about the relationship. There's a comfort, but at the same time, a "I'm not going to let you get away with that" attitude. And that I miss. This dating thing that I'm embarking on is daunting and scary. I really don't want to do it. I just want the perfect guy for me to show up on my doorstep. Like Netflix.
I guess you could say that I'm building my queue.
And based on my choices, friends suggest other people I should go out with. Oh...friends! I was out at the after party with Susan and we ran into about four or five people we know. I ran into my friend Jen who used to run this reading series I used to go to on Tuesdays. Then we ran into our friend Kelly who is the Literary Manager at South Coast Rep and she was with this guy Greg who I had a meeting with years ago. And then Greg introduced me to another friend of his, Jeff, who is an actor and very cute. He might be a little actory for me. I've always said I'd never date an actor. But Susan married Clayton and he's an actor and they're happy and having a baby. Actors tend to be a little too "on" for me. Although my best friend, the first actor I've known personally, doesn't exhibit any of the stereotypical needy qualities that other actors have. She set the bar high for me when I was 11 and even as she's gotten older and more successful, she's not a pain in the ass.
So I sent an email out to Jeff seeing if he wants to go out. Then Susan's going to inquire about her friend Paul, a screenwriter, because according to her, he was checking me out. Then I've got this day time date with another guy named Jeff tomorrow. Then who knows? More dating ahead! And based on how these go and discussions with my ever expanding group of friends (those who I'm spending more time with and those I'm reacquainting myself with as well as new friends), I'm sure there will be more boys in my queue. And eventually I'll get closer and closer to a more perfect fit. I just have to get enough guys in the queue so that the system (i.e. the universe)will make a more informed choice. More to follow on that. Maybe in one of the new blogs I want to start writing.
And of course everything reminds me of my relationship with my ex (I will be glad when I'm done with this blog in part to stop relating EVERYTHING to my ex). I realized that I really miss that sort of intimacy. I miss having a person to cuddle with in bed. I miss bugging someone when you want attention. I miss that sort of funny interplay that happens between couples who have been together for a while. I see the same thing between Jeffrey Alan Marks and Ross Cassidy on MILLION DOLLAR DECORATORS on Bravo. Yes, those two men are the model version of a gay relationship; but there's a certain self-effacing quality about the relationship. There's a comfort, but at the same time, a "I'm not going to let you get away with that" attitude. And that I miss. This dating thing that I'm embarking on is daunting and scary. I really don't want to do it. I just want the perfect guy for me to show up on my doorstep. Like Netflix.
I guess you could say that I'm building my queue.
And based on my choices, friends suggest other people I should go out with. Oh...friends! I was out at the after party with Susan and we ran into about four or five people we know. I ran into my friend Jen who used to run this reading series I used to go to on Tuesdays. Then we ran into our friend Kelly who is the Literary Manager at South Coast Rep and she was with this guy Greg who I had a meeting with years ago. And then Greg introduced me to another friend of his, Jeff, who is an actor and very cute. He might be a little actory for me. I've always said I'd never date an actor. But Susan married Clayton and he's an actor and they're happy and having a baby. Actors tend to be a little too "on" for me. Although my best friend, the first actor I've known personally, doesn't exhibit any of the stereotypical needy qualities that other actors have. She set the bar high for me when I was 11 and even as she's gotten older and more successful, she's not a pain in the ass.
So I sent an email out to Jeff seeing if he wants to go out. Then Susan's going to inquire about her friend Paul, a screenwriter, because according to her, he was checking me out. Then I've got this day time date with another guy named Jeff tomorrow. Then who knows? More dating ahead! And based on how these go and discussions with my ever expanding group of friends (those who I'm spending more time with and those I'm reacquainting myself with as well as new friends), I'm sure there will be more boys in my queue. And eventually I'll get closer and closer to a more perfect fit. I just have to get enough guys in the queue so that the system (i.e. the universe)will make a more informed choice. More to follow on that. Maybe in one of the new blogs I want to start writing.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Lazy Afternoon
It's a lazy afternoon
And the beetle bugs are zooming
And the tulip trees are blooming
And there's not another human in view but us two
It's a lazy afternoon
And the farmer leaves his reaping
In the meadow cows are sleeping
And the speckled trouts stop leaping upstream as we dream
A far pink cloud hangs over a hill
Unfolding like a rose
If you hold my hand and sit real still
You can hear the grass as it grows
It's a hazy afternoon
And I know a place that's quiet except for daisies running riot
And there's no one passing by it to see
Come spend this lazy afternoon with me
Come spend this lazy afternoon with me
Lazy afternoon
It's a hazy afternoon
And I know a place that's quiet except for daisies running riot
And there's no one passing by it to see
Come spend this lazy afternoon with me, with me
Lazy afternoons have been on my mind. You know, those great days where you just spend the day in bed or watch silly movies on the TV. Or having sex. Well, that technically wouldn't be all that lazy because if it's good, you're putting a ton of effort into it. You can always be lazy afterwards.
But one of those days where you just make brunch, maybe head to the farmer's market, give each other backrubs, take a nap and then make dinner. Open up a great bottle of red and go to bed early. That sounds nice.
I don't know if that means I'm ready to be in a relationship again or even to start dating. I love that I'm busy with my play and that I'm taking these great dance classes and that I have time for the gym. I love having time for me. It's really fantastic. It might be nice to have someone to share it with from time to time.. But I'm not really interested in giving myself up to someone again. Ever.
But have I figured out how to have a different relationship?
It probably would be hard to know until I was in another relationship, I guess. But I'm in no rush. Until then...I'll be having my own lazy afternoons or busy afternoons. Whatever I'm in the mood for.
And the beetle bugs are zooming
And the tulip trees are blooming
And there's not another human in view but us two
It's a lazy afternoon
And the farmer leaves his reaping
In the meadow cows are sleeping
And the speckled trouts stop leaping upstream as we dream
A far pink cloud hangs over a hill
Unfolding like a rose
If you hold my hand and sit real still
You can hear the grass as it grows
It's a hazy afternoon
And I know a place that's quiet except for daisies running riot
And there's no one passing by it to see
Come spend this lazy afternoon with me
Come spend this lazy afternoon with me
Lazy afternoon
It's a hazy afternoon
And I know a place that's quiet except for daisies running riot
And there's no one passing by it to see
Come spend this lazy afternoon with me, with me
Lazy afternoons have been on my mind. You know, those great days where you just spend the day in bed or watch silly movies on the TV. Or having sex. Well, that technically wouldn't be all that lazy because if it's good, you're putting a ton of effort into it. You can always be lazy afterwards.
But one of those days where you just make brunch, maybe head to the farmer's market, give each other backrubs, take a nap and then make dinner. Open up a great bottle of red and go to bed early. That sounds nice.
I don't know if that means I'm ready to be in a relationship again or even to start dating. I love that I'm busy with my play and that I'm taking these great dance classes and that I have time for the gym. I love having time for me. It's really fantastic. It might be nice to have someone to share it with from time to time.. But I'm not really interested in giving myself up to someone again. Ever.
But have I figured out how to have a different relationship?
It probably would be hard to know until I was in another relationship, I guess. But I'm in no rush. Until then...I'll be having my own lazy afternoons or busy afternoons. Whatever I'm in the mood for.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Fishing pics
Yes, I use Grindr. Don't judge. It's practically a dating site now anyway.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
The Mens Situation
I went to the Korean spa yesterday. To clear my head with all of the dad stuff going on. There was such a buffet of mens. And all types. It was actually fun to see the variety of body types, dick sizes (yes, I look) and attitudes.
And of course, this is just a microcosm of the variety out there in the world.
I had a fun hook up with a guy from the gym a while back. German. Hot. Uncut. Set designer. Smart. I showered in his open shower with a huge window so that the neighbors could see in.
Then there's my regular CJ who I've been whacking off with. He's a minister's son. And one of the hottest 40-plus bodies I've seen. The last time he had me over, we just cuddled all night. It was on a night where I needed to be held. It has been awhile since I've had intimacy.
I just had a funny encounter with a grindr find. Fun, silly, sarcastic Exchange. With cock shots.
And then there's this high school pal I'm having dinner with next week. Should be interesting.
And that's the mens in review. Check back for more updates.
And of course, this is just a microcosm of the variety out there in the world.
I had a fun hook up with a guy from the gym a while back. German. Hot. Uncut. Set designer. Smart. I showered in his open shower with a huge window so that the neighbors could see in.
Then there's my regular CJ who I've been whacking off with. He's a minister's son. And one of the hottest 40-plus bodies I've seen. The last time he had me over, we just cuddled all night. It was on a night where I needed to be held. It has been awhile since I've had intimacy.
I just had a funny encounter with a grindr find. Fun, silly, sarcastic Exchange. With cock shots.
And then there's this high school pal I'm having dinner with next week. Should be interesting.
And that's the mens in review. Check back for more updates.
Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5
Sunday, April 17, 2011
On the Market
I was out and about today with my friend Steve. There's an eyeglass shop in West Hollywood where him and his boyfriend get their glasses. We were out grabbing lunch and I wanted to see if they had the glasses my ex had on when I saw him at the reception for my friend's Dad who had recently passed (read my previous blog "Waking the Dead).
After not finding the glasses, but browsing around, we asked the owner to pull out what I'll just call her "look book." It's got pictures of guys who come into her shop and their stats and what they're looking for. It's the pre-Match.com way of looking for men. Pick one out of a catalogue!
I have to say that the thought of being put on the auction block made me incredibly nervous. But what made me really nervous was having to pick the guys that I like. It made me more nervous than picking what I was looking for, which was the following:
smart, funny, athletic, outgoing, healthy sexual appetite, blonde or brunette, no smokers, drinkers okay but not drunks and no drugs, ages 28-48.
It made me incredibly nervous to have to say what I wanted. I guess I'm not ready to exactly say what I'm looking for. My friends Steve and Halle had to tell me what I wanted. I know that makes me sound incredibly passive. It just felt like I was being fed to the wolves. And the wolves, in this case, are hot, in-shape, west hollywood professionals. It gets to the core of my insecurity that I can't compete with those guys. And by the way some of these guys described themselves, they know it too. These guys all want hot guys who are smart, with hot bodies, who have money and who are hung like oxes. It really felt like they were asking for the father, the son and the holy ghost.
I don't know if I'm ready to get back into the dating scene. It just feels like a lot of work. And between my full time job, trying to finish a pilot I'm writing and this new play that I will hopefully be workshopping, making it to the gym five times a week, plus dance rehearsals twice a week for this charity event, where do I fit it all in?
But on the bright side, all of that activity will probably give me the physical appearance that might snag me one of these accomplished bachelors. We'll see.
After not finding the glasses, but browsing around, we asked the owner to pull out what I'll just call her "look book." It's got pictures of guys who come into her shop and their stats and what they're looking for. It's the pre-Match.com way of looking for men. Pick one out of a catalogue!
I have to say that the thought of being put on the auction block made me incredibly nervous. But what made me really nervous was having to pick the guys that I like. It made me more nervous than picking what I was looking for, which was the following:
smart, funny, athletic, outgoing, healthy sexual appetite, blonde or brunette, no smokers, drinkers okay but not drunks and no drugs, ages 28-48.
It made me incredibly nervous to have to say what I wanted. I guess I'm not ready to exactly say what I'm looking for. My friends Steve and Halle had to tell me what I wanted. I know that makes me sound incredibly passive. It just felt like I was being fed to the wolves. And the wolves, in this case, are hot, in-shape, west hollywood professionals. It gets to the core of my insecurity that I can't compete with those guys. And by the way some of these guys described themselves, they know it too. These guys all want hot guys who are smart, with hot bodies, who have money and who are hung like oxes. It really felt like they were asking for the father, the son and the holy ghost.
I don't know if I'm ready to get back into the dating scene. It just feels like a lot of work. And between my full time job, trying to finish a pilot I'm writing and this new play that I will hopefully be workshopping, making it to the gym five times a week, plus dance rehearsals twice a week for this charity event, where do I fit it all in?
But on the bright side, all of that activity will probably give me the physical appearance that might snag me one of these accomplished bachelors. We'll see.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Man Ready
When I was with my ex, I used to shave my balls maybe every three weeks. Now that I type that, that sounds disgusting. No wonder it didn't work out. Just kidding.
Yes, I truly believe it was all about the lack of manscaping.
And I have these really hairy pits that I never trim. My reasoning was that I still picture myself as 105 lbs dripping wet. So I think that the five o'clock shadow and the stubbly balls and the Sasquatch pits make me more manly. But maybe it's time to reframe my way of thinking.
I'm single now. My breath has to smell nice at all times and I have to look trimmed and coifed when I'm getting my coffee or going for a run or at the gym.
Every moment is a potential opportunity to meet a man.
I feel like Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, has an eye on me. Big Sister is watching.
But it does feel that way a bit. Like I'm now on the market. So I can't get lazy like one is prone to doing in a relationship. I've kept my body kind of together. And now it's time to take it to the next level: abs, pecs, shoulders, arms. I'm a runner and former dancer, so the legs are good. And I guess the next thing is figuring out what to manscape. And how much.
Because we've all seen those guys. The eyebrows that are too thin. And the supertrimmed arm and leg and chest hair. And some of those guys are straight! I like my manly details. But I guess I could stand to be a little less manly in some ways. Sometimes that's more about taking the trimmers to the arm pits than it is about blasting Liza from the speakers.
Yes, I truly believe it was all about the lack of manscaping.
And I have these really hairy pits that I never trim. My reasoning was that I still picture myself as 105 lbs dripping wet. So I think that the five o'clock shadow and the stubbly balls and the Sasquatch pits make me more manly. But maybe it's time to reframe my way of thinking.
I'm single now. My breath has to smell nice at all times and I have to look trimmed and coifed when I'm getting my coffee or going for a run or at the gym.
Every moment is a potential opportunity to meet a man.
I feel like Patti Stanger, the Millionaire Matchmaker, has an eye on me. Big Sister is watching.
But it does feel that way a bit. Like I'm now on the market. So I can't get lazy like one is prone to doing in a relationship. I've kept my body kind of together. And now it's time to take it to the next level: abs, pecs, shoulders, arms. I'm a runner and former dancer, so the legs are good. And I guess the next thing is figuring out what to manscape. And how much.
Because we've all seen those guys. The eyebrows that are too thin. And the supertrimmed arm and leg and chest hair. And some of those guys are straight! I like my manly details. But I guess I could stand to be a little less manly in some ways. Sometimes that's more about taking the trimmers to the arm pits than it is about blasting Liza from the speakers.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
The Men in My Life
Actually, I should say, the men who are not in my life.
I have no mens right now. And that's fine. I think I might be using these next three weeks to cleanse from mens as well. I just need to exercise, relax, write and get all of the toxins out.
I hope it doesn't make this blog boring or too spiritual. But I'm waiting to have some revelations, y'all.
I'm in the practice of doing things that feel a bit foreign to me and deciding what I like and what I want to keep. It's like window shopping. I'm going to leave the tags on, but I'm going to take home what looks good and see if it can be incorporated with the rest of the things in my closet or if I need to get rid of a few things.
I'm ready for more change and more revelations. Bring it!
I have no mens right now. And that's fine. I think I might be using these next three weeks to cleanse from mens as well. I just need to exercise, relax, write and get all of the toxins out.
I hope it doesn't make this blog boring or too spiritual. But I'm waiting to have some revelations, y'all.
I'm in the practice of doing things that feel a bit foreign to me and deciding what I like and what I want to keep. It's like window shopping. I'm going to leave the tags on, but I'm going to take home what looks good and see if it can be incorporated with the rest of the things in my closet or if I need to get rid of a few things.
I'm ready for more change and more revelations. Bring it!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Blame it on the Cleanse
I'll make this quick because I'm embarrassed.
Saw a pic of New Haven last week with a dude that actually my friend was supposed to set me up with. Both cute looking in tuxes. They may be friends, but it got me thinking. Things between us ended abruptly. Was there another dude in the picture?
Then I saw that he liked my status on FB today. And I decided to look on his page to see what he has been up to. We're supposed to get together to do healthy meals soon.
Status changed from "Single" to "in a relationship." WHAT?
Was he seeing someone while we were...oh, jeez. I had just gotten off of my emotional rollercoaster last night (see a couple blogs back) to get on another today?
So I did something that was fine, but I could have thought it out a bit. I sent an email. "Hey, that was quick." - was the gist of the email. I managed to be a bit more polite, but didn't mask my dislike.
Of course I got an email back from him questioning my dislike and saying that they had known each other for a while (a pattern) and had sparked during the Super Bowl. So there was no overlap.
I was a little embarrassed. but listen, I just wanted him to be upfront. So it wasn't me accusing him of not per se, but it was more about me saying, "Let's just set this up as a way we communicate."
Okay, I totally thought he was lying to me before. I was accusatory, even though I told him I wasn't. I just didn't want to get into it. I was pissed in the moment before I sent the email. then I realized what an ass I was being. I want New Haven to be happy. I still don't know if his new dude is the dude in the pic. I don't care. What this made me realize was that I need to be dating, if I'm going to let something like New Haven's relationship status distract me. That, or be distracted in other ways.
But maybe my mood was affected by the detoxing. I certainly got rid of some major toxins in that email and I spewed them all over New Haven. I'm an asshole for doing that.
I blame it on the cleanse.
Saw a pic of New Haven last week with a dude that actually my friend was supposed to set me up with. Both cute looking in tuxes. They may be friends, but it got me thinking. Things between us ended abruptly. Was there another dude in the picture?
Then I saw that he liked my status on FB today. And I decided to look on his page to see what he has been up to. We're supposed to get together to do healthy meals soon.
Status changed from "Single" to "in a relationship." WHAT?
Was he seeing someone while we were...oh, jeez. I had just gotten off of my emotional rollercoaster last night (see a couple blogs back) to get on another today?
So I did something that was fine, but I could have thought it out a bit. I sent an email. "Hey, that was quick." - was the gist of the email. I managed to be a bit more polite, but didn't mask my dislike.
Of course I got an email back from him questioning my dislike and saying that they had known each other for a while (a pattern) and had sparked during the Super Bowl. So there was no overlap.
I was a little embarrassed. but listen, I just wanted him to be upfront. So it wasn't me accusing him of not per se, but it was more about me saying, "Let's just set this up as a way we communicate."
Okay, I totally thought he was lying to me before. I was accusatory, even though I told him I wasn't. I just didn't want to get into it. I was pissed in the moment before I sent the email. then I realized what an ass I was being. I want New Haven to be happy. I still don't know if his new dude is the dude in the pic. I don't care. What this made me realize was that I need to be dating, if I'm going to let something like New Haven's relationship status distract me. That, or be distracted in other ways.
But maybe my mood was affected by the detoxing. I certainly got rid of some major toxins in that email and I spewed them all over New Haven. I'm an asshole for doing that.
I blame it on the cleanse.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Pasadena: The Land of the Silverfox
I've had two experiences lately. Casual experiences. No penetration involved. Is that vaguely clear enough?
Both involved men of a certain age. Silverfoxes, if you will. And they were hot. My type before my ex was always to date a bit older. And now older includes silverfoxes, the male cougar. Not retired. But I have to say that now the older gents are looking hot.
I was having non-penetrating simulated sex with me on top with this 48 year old the other day. And when I looked in the mirror that was opposite his bed, I kind of looked good.
A lot of guys date younger to feel younger. But that makes no sense. Older makes me feel a lot more young. Although, there have been a bunch of 20 year olds who have been wanting to hit this lately. I'm kind of at the perfect age, which I won't disclose here. I'm equally hot to both younger and older. And younger doesn't mean teenager and older doesn't mean with a walker. Both are respectable choices.
So the other silverfox is this incredibly hot guy. He's 43 with the most rockin' body I've seen in a while. He might dress a little young, but he's got a baby face and some striking blue eyes, which I have a definite weakness for. It was just a simple stroke hook up, but we ended up making out a lot. And there was some chemistry there. I think we were both shocked. And he was into my body, which is getting better, but is nothing like his. And he seemed to be pretty sincere.
Dare I say that the whole thing was rather sweet. He even sent me an email later saying that he had a great time, but that he was casually seeing someone. So if it goes anywhere, he wouldn't be able to see me. But until then...he's up for another go at it. And I responded by saying that I'm in no position to look for my next boyfriend, so let's just have fun. I guess that's what you get with certain 43 year olds: maturity. The exchange was all very respectful and very adult. And hot. I won't go into graphic details, but I'd describe the final moments of our encounter with one word: geyser.
Wow, universe. I guess there are sweet guys who've got pecs, abs and big dicks. They are out there. Out there in the 626.
Both involved men of a certain age. Silverfoxes, if you will. And they were hot. My type before my ex was always to date a bit older. And now older includes silverfoxes, the male cougar. Not retired. But I have to say that now the older gents are looking hot.
I was having non-penetrating simulated sex with me on top with this 48 year old the other day. And when I looked in the mirror that was opposite his bed, I kind of looked good.
A lot of guys date younger to feel younger. But that makes no sense. Older makes me feel a lot more young. Although, there have been a bunch of 20 year olds who have been wanting to hit this lately. I'm kind of at the perfect age, which I won't disclose here. I'm equally hot to both younger and older. And younger doesn't mean teenager and older doesn't mean with a walker. Both are respectable choices.
So the other silverfox is this incredibly hot guy. He's 43 with the most rockin' body I've seen in a while. He might dress a little young, but he's got a baby face and some striking blue eyes, which I have a definite weakness for. It was just a simple stroke hook up, but we ended up making out a lot. And there was some chemistry there. I think we were both shocked. And he was into my body, which is getting better, but is nothing like his. And he seemed to be pretty sincere.
Dare I say that the whole thing was rather sweet. He even sent me an email later saying that he had a great time, but that he was casually seeing someone. So if it goes anywhere, he wouldn't be able to see me. But until then...he's up for another go at it. And I responded by saying that I'm in no position to look for my next boyfriend, so let's just have fun. I guess that's what you get with certain 43 year olds: maturity. The exchange was all very respectful and very adult. And hot. I won't go into graphic details, but I'd describe the final moments of our encounter with one word: geyser.
Wow, universe. I guess there are sweet guys who've got pecs, abs and big dicks. They are out there. Out there in the 626.
Monday, February 7, 2011
El Pollo Loco
I'm a crazy chicken...and oddly, hungry for some roasted bird.
Let me paint the picture. I was at the gym this morning, getting my chest and back on. Really not wanting to be there, but there did seem to be an abundance of hot guys there today. It's really easy for me to be distracted by dick. It's just the way I'm built. It's a known fact about men in my family (my brother and I) that the men in my family are horn dogs. I thought it was just because I'm a big cock hunting homo, but it's actually not just true of me. We have heavy libidos in my family. We're good partners and husbands, but at the same time, we've got fire in our pants.
Anyway, so I'm kind of doing my thing and I see this pasty skinned guy in a complete running outfit. He's cute. But he's in an orange and black total running outfit. Dorky. And I'm too distracted by my own intense workout...AND I'm at the gym. I have bedhead, eye boogers, a stanky t-shirt on and I'm listening to my fave gym jam, the sped up remix of "Like This" by Kelly Rowland. I'm also dancing around the gym inbetween sets. So any pretense of coolness is gone. I'm pretty dorky myself.
I finish up and I head to the showers. I'm washing the hair, I'm cleaning the nether regions, I'm shaving the balls (yes, I shave my balls at the gym sometimes. Is that gross?). I open my curtain to grab my towel and I see pasty white dork (not to be offensive, but this is all I know of him right now) in his towel getting out of the shower ahead of me. I nod. Interesting.
I take a quick steam and I head to my locker. Pasty White Dork is next to me and he smiles.
"Hi."
"Hello," he says back. Is that a trace of an accent? Okay, so now he's got my attention because he's got a nice body. I caught a glimpse when he was in his towel. Fit, but not obsessive. But not chunky. My friend Susan said I need to get off that train. She also thinks I need to date ethnic to just get my head out of the pasty white guy zone. My friend Alli from NYC would agree. And maybe my friend Nicole from college. Susan's husband also agrees, who I'm just getting to know. He also second the notion (from a way earlier post) that I need to add hotness to my list.
And in his casual work clothes (jeans, navy sweater, tortoise shell glasses), Pasty White Dork looked hot. And he smiled big when I said hi. And I always smile big, so I smiled back. Big. And now we're flirting. I need to get my clothes on without seeming shady. Not that I have a problem flashing my dick to people, I do it all the time. Seriously, I do it all the time. My mother's getting sick of it.
So I turn around and towel myself off in as subtle and non suggestive way as possible. Okay, a little suggestive. But I was actually trying not to be slutty about the whole thing. So I get my gym shorts back on, because I'm going to change at the office and I put on my Number:Lab long sleeved tee, which I think was actually a good choice. It's manly, sporty, and fashionable without being obvious about it. I'm putting my shoes on and he's still messing with his hair in the mirror. I hope he's waiting for me a bit...
So he leaves. I leave after tying my shoe and I wait at the elevator to the parking garage. He comes from grabbing a drink of water and he decides to wait with me at the elevator..."why not?" I make some remark about how it's totally lazy, but it's convenient. I think he thinks that's funny. We get in. I ask him if he had a good workout. I'm not being original at all. He says that he did and that he's a big hungover from his first Super Bowl party. And at this point, I'm definitely hearing an accent. British. Hot. Okay, so now I'm interested. The doors open to the parking garage and I make a stupid comment about how workouts are great for hangovers. Then I say good bye.
I ran out of material! I didn't want to be obvious. So here I am, the crazy chicken, blogging about it. Hey, if we're supposed to meet up again, then fate will step in. And if fate needs a hint, I'll be at the gym at the same time every morning this week. Maybe wearing one of my own matchy workout outfits.
And to my friend Susan: this guy is hot. I know he said he had a hangover and that he's white and pasty. But I saw him at the gym. And you're right, these are the kinds of guys I should be dating.
Let me paint the picture. I was at the gym this morning, getting my chest and back on. Really not wanting to be there, but there did seem to be an abundance of hot guys there today. It's really easy for me to be distracted by dick. It's just the way I'm built. It's a known fact about men in my family (my brother and I) that the men in my family are horn dogs. I thought it was just because I'm a big cock hunting homo, but it's actually not just true of me. We have heavy libidos in my family. We're good partners and husbands, but at the same time, we've got fire in our pants.
Anyway, so I'm kind of doing my thing and I see this pasty skinned guy in a complete running outfit. He's cute. But he's in an orange and black total running outfit. Dorky. And I'm too distracted by my own intense workout...AND I'm at the gym. I have bedhead, eye boogers, a stanky t-shirt on and I'm listening to my fave gym jam, the sped up remix of "Like This" by Kelly Rowland. I'm also dancing around the gym inbetween sets. So any pretense of coolness is gone. I'm pretty dorky myself.
I finish up and I head to the showers. I'm washing the hair, I'm cleaning the nether regions, I'm shaving the balls (yes, I shave my balls at the gym sometimes. Is that gross?). I open my curtain to grab my towel and I see pasty white dork (not to be offensive, but this is all I know of him right now) in his towel getting out of the shower ahead of me. I nod. Interesting.
I take a quick steam and I head to my locker. Pasty White Dork is next to me and he smiles.
"Hi."
"Hello," he says back. Is that a trace of an accent? Okay, so now he's got my attention because he's got a nice body. I caught a glimpse when he was in his towel. Fit, but not obsessive. But not chunky. My friend Susan said I need to get off that train. She also thinks I need to date ethnic to just get my head out of the pasty white guy zone. My friend Alli from NYC would agree. And maybe my friend Nicole from college. Susan's husband also agrees, who I'm just getting to know. He also second the notion (from a way earlier post) that I need to add hotness to my list.
And in his casual work clothes (jeans, navy sweater, tortoise shell glasses), Pasty White Dork looked hot. And he smiled big when I said hi. And I always smile big, so I smiled back. Big. And now we're flirting. I need to get my clothes on without seeming shady. Not that I have a problem flashing my dick to people, I do it all the time. Seriously, I do it all the time. My mother's getting sick of it.
So I turn around and towel myself off in as subtle and non suggestive way as possible. Okay, a little suggestive. But I was actually trying not to be slutty about the whole thing. So I get my gym shorts back on, because I'm going to change at the office and I put on my Number:Lab long sleeved tee, which I think was actually a good choice. It's manly, sporty, and fashionable without being obvious about it. I'm putting my shoes on and he's still messing with his hair in the mirror. I hope he's waiting for me a bit...
So he leaves. I leave after tying my shoe and I wait at the elevator to the parking garage. He comes from grabbing a drink of water and he decides to wait with me at the elevator..."why not?" I make some remark about how it's totally lazy, but it's convenient. I think he thinks that's funny. We get in. I ask him if he had a good workout. I'm not being original at all. He says that he did and that he's a big hungover from his first Super Bowl party. And at this point, I'm definitely hearing an accent. British. Hot. Okay, so now I'm interested. The doors open to the parking garage and I make a stupid comment about how workouts are great for hangovers. Then I say good bye.
I ran out of material! I didn't want to be obvious. So here I am, the crazy chicken, blogging about it. Hey, if we're supposed to meet up again, then fate will step in. And if fate needs a hint, I'll be at the gym at the same time every morning this week. Maybe wearing one of my own matchy workout outfits.
And to my friend Susan: this guy is hot. I know he said he had a hangover and that he's white and pasty. But I saw him at the gym. And you're right, these are the kinds of guys I should be dating.
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