Farewell Recap: My Spirituality

As a part of my farewell to this blog, I'm doing a bit of a recap of where I am on certain subjects. And when I'm finished, just like I did when I broke up with my ex, I'm gone.

But I promise to leave my forwarding address...which will be another blog about something besides my now 8 month old break up. I think it's time to move on.

TODAY'S SUBJECT:

My Spirituality

After my last blog, in which I detail my recent sexcapades, I thought we'd bring it back to God (or Buddha or the Higher Power, whichever you prefer). I don't think one goes through a big change like the end of a relationship without re-evaluating one's approach to life. And in my case, that involves looking at my spiritual life. Or having one again, as it were.

I guess that makes sense. I'm probing deeper--in all areas of my life. Through the realization that I mirrored my parents' relationship in my prior relationship to figuring out what I really want from life...I'm on a spiritual journey. I remember in my sophomore Theology course in high school, my professor wrote on the chalk board, "Who Am I?" That semester, we would embark on a journey of self discovery. And my friend Dave, who was my professor then and is still very much in my life, has been getting me to ask that question ever since.

I've done a lot of exploring in the spiritual realm my whole life. I was raised Catholic. I went to a Catholic grade school, then to a Jesuit high school and a Jesuit university. Then I volunteered for a year in the Jesuit Volunteer Corps. Looking at life through the lens of spirituality has been something I've done for a while now. In the relationship, I started studying Kabbalah because the boyfriend wanted me to be supportive. I followed when the ex studied with a Shaman and went on spiritual journeys.

My spiritual quest is less dynamic or dramatic. I'm trying to make room for stillness, as my friend Dave puts it. Quiet time every day to just reflect and listen to what my soul is saying to me. My yoga practice has become increasingly spiritual. I focus on an intention or a thought during my practice and that becomes stronger the more I do yoga. At one point, I thought the only way to study yoga was naked, but then I realized I just needed an outlet to be naked with other dudes. This clothed yoga practice has been a much deeper journey for me than any of the other stuff.

I'm trying to understand this person who has existed for all of these years, behaving a certain way. Now that I have the opportunity to change, I am taking that opportunity to find something more. And what I'm discovering is that it already exists...I just have to quiet down enough to hear it. And my life was so full of noise before that I couldn't hear anything.