What Do I Want?

Sometimes life offers up opportunities, which initially seem like challenges, that allow us to change course or to deepen a commitment to something. My job has ended and now I need to look for work. But to get stuck in another desk job seems like the wrong move. I need to get off the hamster wheel and figure out the next big move for me. Hopefully with unemployment and some frugal choices, I can figure that out.

Writing plays is just part of that. I love writing plays and I have a new play to finish for a workshop coming up in October. But that's not the end of it for me.

Does it involve thinking outside of LA? That's a possibility.

I am unsure if being a writer monkey is where I want to be. The idea of climbing a ladder that qualifies me to climb another ladder that leads to another and another and another doesn't seem attractive or inspiring or good for my soul. It's yet another thing to be in pursuit of that does not make me an artist or a happy person. And since that traditional route has not been successful, there must be something inherent in me that's rejecting it. Because it's not sticking. And it's making me question my passion for being a creative person. And that's not the point here - to be questioned at every angle.

What I discovered in this most recent job is that I'm perfectly qualified to not only produce television, but to be excellent at it. So because I took a risk and left my last job, I found that out. I worked for two of the most welcoming, accommodating, giving people I have ever worked for. And to be in a situation where I'm working for assholes, would be heart breaking. So the question remains:

WHAT DO I WANT?

It's the question one poses when they end a romantic relationship and one I've asked myself throughout this whole process. SO it's one I must ask myself now. And I trust that when that new path becomes clear, it won't look anything like what my life looks like now.