Getting Laid

About four weeks ago I was near the breaking point. It had been about 9 months since I had had proper sex. I really needed to get laid. I didn't care that I might have to break my rule of not having casual anal sex...I just needed some booty! I was desperate. I mean...there were some good candidates. I had some guys I had been fucking around with, but I've only done that (for the most part) in a relationship. There was that one specific time in a gym shower in Louisville, KY when I wasn't in a relationship, but that is another story.

Then I met The Drummer, and although we haven't done "the deed" yet, I want to. Given the fact that everything else so far has been spectacular, I have a strong feeling the sexy time is going to be quite the wild ride. There's something about having chemistry with someone. It's undefinable. But when you've got it, you don't know why, but it's there. There has been a lot of kissing and oral, but nothing else. And it has created quite the build up. It's actually exactly how I like to do it. It's been so long since I've had descent sex that has been attached to caring about someone that it's a new sensation.

Sex is great outside of the context of a relationship or having a commitment. It's fun to do. But having sex with someone you dig and have chemistry with outside of the bedroom is amazing.

The Drummer asked me last night if he was too touchy feely. I told him that he could never be too touchy feely with me. And he can never over express how he's feeling. This time last year I was begging for my boyfriend to just touch me. I felt so disconnected because I thrive on physical touch. I love giving massages. I love kissing and I love laughter. Sex is a silly proposition when you think about it. Where you put your mouth and what you lick and what you stick in someone or have stuck in you. It's mechanical and strange until you add feeling and humor. I look at The Drummer and I'm instantly excited. As I told him last night, it's not just his looks and his cock and all of the goodies. It's that underneath all of that a heart beats. He says how he's feeling from moment to moment.

The ex used to say to me that I liked to talk too much. I loved the "play by play", he used to say. And I apologized for that. I felt bad for that. But I LOVE the play by play. I love to talk about what's going on and why. He didn't need that apparently, mainly because he's emotionally stunted. But that's no reason to try to change the way I do things. I won't accept anyone in my life any more who's not willing to let me be me. And I won't tolerate myself not letting someone be who they are. It just does not work.

I'm beginning to understand that the things I remember about my ex are the memories that you attach to things. I love the restaurants we used to go to. The trips we took. I love shirts he gave me. Mementos. I love the souvenirs more than I love the trip I took. And with The Drummer, I am so into the trip that I don't need the souvenirs.