As a part of my farewell to this blog, I'm doing a bit of a recap of where I am on certain subjects. And when I'm finished, just like I did when I broke up with my ex, I'm gone.
But I promise to leave my forwarding address...which will be another blog about something besides my now 8 month old break up. I think it's time to move on.
TODAY'S SUBJECT:
My body
When I broke up with the ex, I decided to renovate a lot in my life. Here's the brief history of my body: born, 30 lbs by the time I'm 6 months old...then stretch, stretch, stretch until about 4 years old...then I was a beanpole until I was in my mid twenties. I had tried working out, but I couldn't pack on muscle. In college, I was a dancer, so anything that I ate just melted off of me. I was five ten and 125 lbs. Awful. And that's the body I always see or always compare myself too. So when I gained weight or started filling out...I saw a fat person. Then I got into the relationship with the Ex and probably within a few months, I had started putting on weight. We were always going out to dinner or had some event to go to where there was plenty of drinking involved. When we started dating I was probably somewhere between 155 and 160. About two years in I was 175 and none of that was from muscle. Then we ran the Florence Marathon together and I lost weight, but I never had a flat stomach for the time we dated. I'm fairly slender, but because of the relationship I became "skinny fat."
Then we broke up and I was determined to get my body back...and when I say body, I mean myself. I had taken a backseat to this guy and I wanted to make it clear that I was back on the market. Plus, I seemed to have a ton of time on my hands now that I was no longer managing the daily affairs of a very high maintenance guy. So now it's been eight months of pretty intense working out. I found dance again in the form of these hip hop classes I've been taking. I realize that when I'm bored with a workout that I need to change it up. Funny, I realize that I need to implement that into the rest of my life. When I'm done with a guy or a job or a script or a friend...move on.
I did the cleanse back in February and that really started changing my body. I always had retained an extra five to eight pounds that I never could get rid of and I finally realized that I was holding on to it. It was literally shit I was holding onto. . And when I cleansed...all of that shit came out. And it hasn't come back. I hit the reset button on my body.
I was just at a pool party yesterday with some very body conscious and judgmental gays and girls. All perfectly close friends, but we're hard on ourselves and on other people. My friend Emily mentioned that I had lost some weight. I didn't even have to prompt her. But the muscles have popped a bit and the waist has gotten skinner. The legs look fit and strong because of dance. The skin cleared up a bit and got brighter because of the cleanse. And my whole attitude changed because I was free. My body looked better to people, I looked better to people, because I had made the right change in my life.
My Dad's been sick with Congestive Heart Failure and kidney issues and that's something else that's affected me lately. I actually might have lost a bit more weight because of the stress. But his sickness, which has been brought about by bad eating habits and not being physically active, has gotten me thinking about what this body is going to do for me in the time I have it. . Yes, I live in LA and I'm completely vain. But I also know that my body is my protector and I need to keep it fit, healthy and active. Or else it's going to give up on me, like my Dad's body has. And I don't want that to happen. So I watch what I eat and I try to limit any prepackaged foods with preservatives as much as I can. I get to the gym a few days a week and take breaks when I need to. I'm going to start doing yoga and I want to start aerial fitness classes soon.
My body isn't just a billboard, although if it's going to have a message on it, I want it to say that I'm an active person and that I love taking care of myself. And that I do really care about myself enough to worry about what fuel I'm putting in my body and what activities I perform to keep my body strong. I want to be balanced and centered and connected to my mind, body and spirit and for all three elements to work together constantly.
Eight months later, it is easier to get laid. But I also feel my body working for me and keeping me healthy and alert. The first thing I hear people say who haven't seen me in a while is that I look terrific. I look younger and healthier and sexier than I did before. But what I hear when they say that is that I care more about my whole well being that I did eight months ago. And that's really what matters.
But I'm not going to turn away from more cock either. I mean...who would?
No comments:
Post a Comment