Return of the Body?

This is essentially my "Emancipation of Mimi." That album was the "return of the voice." This is the Return of the Body.

Actually, I never had the body. I always felt that if I had the washboard abs and huge muscles that I would be sending a message about myself that I was superficial. I also have always said that I don't have the time to workout that hard. I go to bars and I see these guys who are super hot and have these massive chests and tight asses and I judge them. I call them shallow. I call them vapid. And I give them the stink eye.

What I am is jealous. And I'm afraid to compete with those guys. Because I'm afraid of embarrassing myself. And failing. But honestly, I don't have to turn in my brain if I have less body fat. I secretly (or not so secretly) believe that I could never look like that. I believe that these guys are a part of some alien species of man who looks like they've been ripped out of the pages of GQ or Hommes Vogue. If I feel that having a body that looks like a model is impossible and extreme, I feel like less of a failure.

My body history:
I spent four years in college taking daily dance classes. I've spent hours and hours in the gym. I've done hip hop. I've run a marathon. I've done P90X and now I'm doing a workout called "Insanity." So I've got a lot of reason to believe that my body could never be model-worthy. Or at least Micky's go go dancer worthy.

And I love to eat. I can't give that up! So I resolve myself to the fact that I'll never have that body. {But I really want it.}

Did Marc Jacobs become less talented once he transformed his body? I already look at the mirror 50 times a day. So it's not like I'm going to become MORE of a narcissist.

I'm going to go for it. It's about letting myself have everything I want. It's about not having limits or placing a value on something. A hot body is the end result of feeling like you deserve certain things in life and good health and hygiene. And it comes with more energy and better skin and more stamina.

It also helps in getting laid. Which is really why people want to look hot. It always comes down to that.

So I don't know in which order all of this matters: health, sex, energy, appearance, clarity, focus, confidence. But I do know that if I can have all of this, in whatever order, I'll be in a good place.

BTW: Today's exercise report
I did the "Insanity" Core and Balance workout. It was fucking hard! This is not fun.