The Drive to Work

I got in the car this morning and headed West to work. I drove North first, actually. Then went West on Melrose. I had to stop and get gas because yesterday I had left my credit card at the restaurant I had lunch at and only had five dollars in my wallet to get some gas. I was on empty. So this morning I had to fill up. I did. Then I figured that Fairfax was too crowded to head all the way down to Venice. So I drove West on Melrose.

"I'm really close to the house," I thought. "But I shouldn't go."

I kept driving. "I really shouldn't go. That is such a bad idea."

Past Crescent Heights. "This is so pathetic. It's like a bad movie. THE BREAK UP. That's actually the title of an actual movie, which I never saw. Maybe the movie was good. This is not."

Heading up to La Cienega. "Oh Jesus." Across La Cienega. "I'm actually doing this." Seeing the light ahead of me. Traffic sucks. I could turn around and no one know. "What if he sees me." I turn left at the light on our street. OUR. Formerly our. I turn.

I'm careful to not go too fast because cars are always speeding down this street. What would be more pathetic than doing a drive by past your old apartment is getting an accident outside your old place. And having your ex come out WITH THE GUY HE'S NOW USING TO REPLACE THE THOUGHT OF YOU (this is ALL conjecture. I'm sure he's playing Scrabulous by himself at night) and seeing your car out front.

I slow down. His car is not in the drive way. Phew! But there's the place. And our dogs are inside. Do they know I'm driving by? Are they barking for me? Do they smell me? Are dogs' senses of smell that good?

I drive past.

I couldn't help myself. I had a date last night. That date or non-date or faux date was good. I'm having a reaction to that. If he ever found out that I did a drive by, that's the story I would stick to:

"We're both suffering here. It's tough on everyone. So I drove by your place. Big whoop. I'm not afraid to say that I'm sad. I'm adult enough to say that. Well, I should get back to my friends. Our movie starts in a few minutes. BLACK SWAN...You liked it? Good. Well, say hi to the guys at the office. If that's not too awkward. And have a great holiday." I look at the guy he's with, not sure if that's a scowl or bells palsy. I look back at him.

"Your girl is lovely, Hubbell."

In my fantasy, we run into each other at the Arclight instead of The Plaza. We're on the West Coast and that's very 2010. Or 2011, which is probably when I'd run into him again.

I continue with the drive, the route I used to take to work. I turn up KCRW hoping that there's some sort of Afro Cuban rendition of "The Way We Were" that comes on to complete the mood.

It never comes on the air. I pull into the drive way, get my coffee from next door and start my day.