New Haven just left. We had a great date. Wine and cheese. A Pinot Noir from Oregon and cheeses and spanish ham from Surfas in Culver City. Some sliced Roma tomatoes with basil and avocado from my parents' tree. Then a nice dinner out. Then we tried out this new wine bar. Lots of flirting along the way. Great talks. Then he comes up and finds himself on the bed while I'm in the bathroom. He's playing with the dogs on the bed. It's all very cute. We make out. A lot. And then he decides not to spend the night.
Why do I feel a bit disappointed? Because it's the fourth date and I think I should get some. Does that make me a whore?
And now I'm doubting myself. Am I going too fast with this thing? I like him and I want to say that I'm taking it one step at a time. But maybe I'm forcing it. Maybe it needs to be more organic.
The good thing about sleeping alone is that I can crawl into bed in my blue sweatshorts by Gypsy 05 and relax. I can listen to music. I can cuddle with the dogs.
Maybe I'm not ready to have a man in my bed. Maybe New Haven senses that and is being mature. Maybe I'm making too much out of this. But right now I just feel rejected. And I shouldn't because the rest of the night was amazing. I should just go to bed, it's late already. I'll have some new perspective in the morning.
After I make myself eggs, spanish ham and baguette for breakfast. Myself.
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