Post Script: iPod Play List

Here's what I'm listening to. The iPod playlist I made for our fourth anniversary last year.

First of all, I called it "What Four." Signs.

Jeff Buckley - "Everybody Here Wants You" - LOVE. I wanted him to know what people, including love him and want him. Desperate plea.

Lady Gaga - "Paparazzi" - I think I put it on here because I was working on a modern day MEDEA adaptation and I wanted to share what I was working on. I wanted to be heard and acknowledged.

Linda Clifford - "Red Light" - It's a disco song from the 70s that I had recently heard on KCRW on a Sunday drive to the farmer's market. I'm a great dancer, a fact that he would always make fun of. Passive aggressive on my part.

Neil Diamond - "September Morn"

September morn
We danced until the night
Became a brand new day
Two lovers playing scenes
From some romantic play
September morning
Still can make me feel that way

Yeah. "Two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play." Were we just playing scenes? Were those scenes from "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"

P!nk - "Mean" - foreshadowing? "How'd we get so mean? How do we just move on? How do you feel in the morning when it comes and everything's undone?" I thought I was just chronicling the good and the bad times. Being honest. What was I saying?

"This Old Heart of Mine (Alternate Version)" - Rod Stewart - Romantic and sad. "This old heart of mine/been broke a thousand times." Now 1001.

"Off the Wall" by Michael Jackson. "Leave the nine to five upon the shelf." Probably a bit of a plea. But also my favorite MJ album, which is why I put it on here. He hated R&B and what he called caterwauling music. I love myself some ass shaking music.

"Crying" by Liza Minnelli. The Roy Orbison song. Just beautiful. Sad. And true. A year later I am crying over him.

"Don't Waste Your Time" by Kelly Clarkson. Gosh I had a lot of anger with a pop sensibility.

"Somebody to Love" and "Alone" by the Glee Cast. Because we were just getting into it and it was our special time together. It's the one time the 10 year old versions of us got to spend time together. The boys who were targets and would have been better if they had found each other then. At the core, we were there together for those boys. The boys who were relentlessly teased. The boy who couldn't help but be himself and got attacked for it. And the other one who "passed" (or thought he did). The one who overcompensated for the person he knew he'd become. The one who almost 30 years later is still overcompensating. That's the one that my adult self would kiss on the forehead until I couldn't any more.

The other reading on these two songs would be that we both wanted so badly to find "Somebody to Love" and thought we had found him in the other. And I constantly was trying to figure out "how do I get you alone?" Away from all of the distractions, the colored lights, the baubles, the craziness. I was just trying to help.

This has been an interesting exercise. Reflective. Sad.

Well, it's a beautiful day. I need to go find myself in it.