Christmas Gifts

I'm Catholic. It's Christmas. Get off of my hump, non-Christians!

SO do I get him a Christmas gift? I should get something for the dogs. But what's appropriate?

I actually go shopping online and think of things that he'd like. It's actually enjoyable now, thinking of what to get him for the HOLIDAYS (I caved) now that we're not together.

Gift shopping was always a source of major anxiety. If I got him a gift that he didn't like, he'd make sure to bring it up WEEKS and MONTHS later. Of course in the moment it's: "Oh, that's so nice and so thoughtful!" But later it'd be, "I can't believe you didn't take the time to get me something thoughtful when I ordered your gifts months ago."

It made the holidays, birthdays, and our anniversary really difficult because they'd arrive with a sense of dread. And yes, it's partially "battered wife syndrome." But I also am not traditionally the best gift giver. Gifts were weird in my family. Once we turned 10, our parents kind of gave up trying to figure out what we wanted and we just got money. And while it was fun to go shopping the day after Christmas (this became a big family tradition), the idea of picking something out for someone to be thoughtful kind of fell by the waistside. Although we did buy gifts for our parents, they were still "kids gifts." Like a tie. Or a sweatshirt off the sale rack at Macy's.

And my ex is a stupendous gift giver. He always gets it right. But I think he had a lot of pressure growing up. If his reaction to my gifts was any indication. And for the record, they weren't bad gifts. Well, not always. They were more from the heart than from the wallet. That's what I'll say about them. And they ALWAYS came from a good place of thoughtfulness, even though he didn't think so. But it was funny that the gifts that I thought were less personal were the ones he liked the most.

One of the first thoughts I had after the break up was "The pressure's off!" Not to be mean, but I seriously would have my stomach in knots over what to get him because I was so afraid he was going to be disappointed and think I was a bad boyfriend. Even though I had dealt with plenty on a personal level.

Isn't that funny how things can change in a matter of five weeks? Ironically, if I DO get him something, I bet he'll like it a lot more than any of the gifts I got him in the five years we were together. Nostalgia aside.